Yowser! Just reread and I will leave the post as I wrote it and hope I haven't offended too many of y'all!! ( gotta love my Atlanta friend and her phrases..lol) It is how I feel.
Oh and another thing....dont you be sorry for anything. You have worked and provided for your family until an illness has interrupted that flow. Now its someone elses turn. You get/need to rest.
xxxxxxxx Lyn believe that even tho you have wasted away to 81 lbs and are obviously very ill he is still wanting the impossible from you because my husband was the same way. If you could see the sprawled entries in his business checkbook during the time I was most ill... and could not hold a pen-he still expected me to do his business work even tho I was on medical leave from my full time job. There were so many math errors from doing match calculations on oxycontin...
I don't know why I put up with it- I guess I'm not a very good person to be giving you advice not to put up with it...but don't.
maybe he is lashing out about the money because he feels helpless to do anything about your health. You are wasting away in front of his eyes.
Are you guys discussing your health issues or are you dancing around it?
Man is supposed to be a provider for his family. You worked hard and it helped your family to have a better life. Now it is their (his) turn to take care of you. I won't stay with a husband like this if he doesn't stop complaining and does something to help the situation. Don't feel guilty! I have been a single mother working two jobs without any child support, trying to have two ends meet,trying to get a car for my son when he turned 16, pay rent, make a huge car payment my husband left me with, and struck by RA on the top of everything. I think the whole situation stressed me so much that my immune system went out of order (no family history with RA- NO ONE!) I can't believe how guys forget vows "for better or for worse". Everything posted above is true and I understand what you mean when you say you still feel guilty. In your head, you know there's nothing to feel guilty about. But in your heart, you still feel like you've let the family down. It's that darn heart that will get you every time. Let your head take over. It's tellling you the right thing. It's time for the family to pitch in and take care of the one who was always there for them. I wish there was some way to make your heart understand that you are not to blame. That's really where your family should be coming in to support you. You need to hear from them that they understand. No matter. If they can't do it, keep listening to us. We know how you feel and understand what you're going through. Jesse....that is one beautiful post.
xxxx Lyn
Lostpoet,
Your post sure put my whining about back pain into perspective. I'm really sorry about what you are going through. Everyone is right. It's not your fault.
I'm from Indiana too and in my county there's a clinic that will help people who are in financial distress. Does your county offer those services as well?
No not to my knowledge.Hi Lostpoet,
I am so sorry to hear this. All the posts were right...you took care of them when they needed you; now it's time for them to step up to the plate. I know it's not easy when your heart tells you to feel a certain way. Please don't feel guilty, you are sick, you wouldn't wish this on anyone. Please try and not listen to the little voice inside telling you to feel guilty. That will not help you to get well, only adds stress and more pain. My thoughts are with you....Hiking_gal
I am very concerned for you. It sounds like you have been brainwashed into thinking that earning the money for the household is your responsibility and it is not! It should be a joint effort.
My advice would be: Don't believe everything that you think.
I think as mothers and wifes we sometimes feel the need to fix and take care of everything. Well, I think it's time for your husband to step and be the man. Whatever happened to honoring the marriage vows? I sympathize with you as I struggle with husband issues too. He want's things then he need sto get pout there and get a second jobs to get the things HE wants. He is supposed to be the provider not you. Just don't let him get you down.
Much hugs
Mom2
Thanks everyone. I will try but is so hard for me not to be who I used to be. I want things too..like my life back, but money can't give me that. Like he went geocaching today and I stayed home, in to much pain. He never gave it a thought. Just went out and had fun without me. I stayed home in pain and doing laundry. I did however found a happy spot working on my art work, untill My hands would'nt let me anymore. Then got sad again.
Now tomorrow I have to go to his family reunion. Yipee! I made a pastasalad to take. But I don't want to go because everyone is so health and I look like a walking skeleton and limp so bad.
I'd rather stay home with my dogs and cats as they give more comfort.
Sorry whinning again. Just don't want to be around people now.LP do you think maybe his family would notice how poorly you are doing and say things that would maybe make a light bulb go off in your husband's head? My in laws were very supportive of me. They called a lot to see how I was and offered to do things. They asked people for doctor referrals and information about RA because it was all new to us.Hi wanttobe, I am not sure as they are such high spirited folks. I know they love me because they tell me so, but talking to their son is another issue indeed. He is the baby boy. They love him so... especially after his brother was killed in a tree accident. I think I will sit quietly in a chair with my Kenna (boxer) until he is ready to go home.Oh no one talked to my husband either... but he saw first hand that other people had serious concerns and I think it made him think about it a little more....Wantobe, I wish he would think about how serious this is instead of turning his head and walking away. I feel so alone...like I am lost. My family calls about once in a 6 month period, so I don't have alot to say. I hope my husband sees this tomorrow or someone says something about it. Maybe he will understand. Do you think he is just scared and ttrying to ingore?I hate to make excuses for people because no matter what their reasoning is they need to get over it and help in a situation like you are going through.
However, people here and elsewhere have told me that is probably why my family is like they are. They are so used to seeing me and depending on me as "the Rock" that they cannot accept or believe that I am not. Even today we were helping my daughter move into her first apt. My husband is pretty good now about realizing I can't carry heavy things anymore and that just about everything is heavy to my wrists. My daughter however handed me a box and I almost dropped it and had to put it down it hurt my wrists so bad and she looked at me like I have two heads.
Yes my whole family are ostriches- they like to put their heads in the sand and hope when they pull them out the problem will have disappeared LOL.
Yes. my family too. That's why I am on this board. I could use a friend or 2 because I have not one friend to whine to. I am a reclouse and very shy. I had autisum as a child. Guess I never really grew out of that. I just wish the rest of my family would understand. I want my husband to understand. I think my stepdauther understands more as she lost her mother to cancer 3 years ago. I think my family would like me to disappear.Probably not you- just your RA but certainly you would like that to happen too!Men show their feelings in different ways. Maybe he's trying to go on with life as usual and is having a hard time too just watching you in pain and doesn't know how to handle it. Does he know what RA is? Has he ever read up on it? If not, print out some info and put in where he'll read it. I think he's in denial but still being an ass. Sometimes when men can't be the "knight in shining armour", they show their feelings by being angry or try to ignore it. What do you think? All of this is IMO.
I hope he comes around for you but if not, we are all here for you.
take care
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