OT do you find this humerous? | Arthritis Information

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Sitting by the pool today with my husband he said he was going in the house to make a snack did I want some? I grabbed my prednisone belly and said this belly could live off of itself for 5 months without eating- no thanks. I have discussed with him how depressed I am over it and how the doctor told me it's the prednisone. He actually made a nice comment and said- It's not from eating.
Then had words with him over a trip I wanted to take him on for his 50th birthday. We have been  discussing it for some time now about $, timing, responsibilities that will have to be acounted for while we are gone, etc. It falls the 1st week in Dec.  So he starts saying he doesn't want to go then because it's too close to Thanksgiving and Christmas, we have to get our Christmas tree etc. I said if we aren't there on his 50th it negates the whole purpose of an expensive vacation. We had both agreed no more vacations until we do the work needed on our home. Then I realized he turned 50 this year and he is not the type who would want a big party to celebrate. He loves to vacation and to have one to look forward to so I thought this would be a nice thing to do for him.  So he said I ruined it already. I said no he ruined it already. (Boy does that sound juvenile now that I hear myself) Anyway...he goes in the house whistling cukoo to indicate I'm crazy. (He does this a lot) That really pisses me off so I yelled I've heard that one too many times so don't bother talking to me!
Later I go in the house and I see two post it notes on the posts of the chair directly in front of the door. One says NOW! NOW! DO IT DO IT! The other one says Tummy Tuck or TCI? (Turks & Caicos) Now B--ch! Then on the table more post its saying Now B   ch! This is what I want & this is what I'll get! $ is no object for my B day! Now! Now! B   ch! 2 more post its giving me dates and hotels and restaurants to book.
My feelings were so hurt over the tummy tuck thing. He had to have purposely put that message where I would see it first to hurt me. The rest is his sick humor- he thinks he letting me know OK you win we'll go when it's my actual birthday. (Oh and I didn't know until later but he had drunk a good amount of vodka)
I find his humor less and less amusing....
Meanwhile I feel extra fat now. I swear when I looked in the mirror I saw myself like I weigh 200 lbs.
 
I don't think it's funny.  But I do think it's odd.  The post it notes, I mean.  It sounds like a baby fight.  Why do you want to make him take a gift he doesn't want?  It is his birthday afterall.

I thought it was going to be something he would be really happy about. He loves nothing more than to go on vacation. We had agreed to no more vacations until house repairs were done but he was the reluctant party to that.

Well, I hope you guys can work it out.Not funny at all.   If this last episode is less and less amusing, I'd hate to hear what he's done previously.     Sorry - but it bugs me for people to intentionally be mean.I also hope you can work it out.  You two need to really talk to each other instead of at each other, and really hear what the other person is trying to say.   It sounds like he is having second thoughts about the trip, and maybe you need to listen to them, instead of making him feel guilty for not going on his birthday "negating the purpose of going".  I honestly think the tummy tuck crack was meant to hurt you, because you had already hurt him.  It was the old "best defense is a good offense" tactic.
 
This can be mid-life crisis time for a guy, and maybe he is worried about money, or getting older, his health, or who knows what.  But there's something on his mind.  He may be wishing this birthday would just pass quietly, instead of making a big deal about it.  And that should be okay.  Just talk to him, and make the goal be connecting emotionally and really hearing each other. 
First of all, does he call you B..ch all the time? I would really be bummed about that! And No, I don't find it at all funny. In fact, I don't think I would plan a trip at all for someone who has that kind of cruelty in them. Who wants to go on vacation with someone who will hurt your feelings without a second thought? The most he'd get from me would be a package of new undies .
 
Please don't let him get you down. I know it's easier said than done, but you know it's the prednisone. And, for that matter, HE knows it's the prednisone.
 
We are here for you...please write any time you need to get something off your chest. Or just to chat. Hopefully, next time you write, you'll tell us he apologized for acting like an ass.
 
Take care, Sweetie.
 
Much love, Nini

Oh well maybe I am wrong then but I do think if we go at a different time it doesn't make sense and maybe that's me being stubborn but I really feel that way. Either you celebrate the milestone when it's happening or just forget it. 2 months later it's over- forgotten about- too many things go on in life. It would be like we are just both taking a vacation- not celebrating for his special day.

I really don't think he was hurt though. He has no problem under any circumstances telling me what he would rather have or do.  Or if he gets a gift he doesn't like you know that too.
 
I however was very hurt. I think there is a difference about disagreeing about a date for a trip and making a hurtful remark about someone's person. 

Nini- he thinks it's ok to use that word. I unfortunately allowed it for too many years and have now grown tired of it. Sometimes it's just a "figure of speech" macho thing I guess... sometimes it's in anger.

Not funny!!! Sounds mean. Does he call you b*tch alot? That's verbal abuse and I wouldn't tolerate it.  I'd leave him at home and take a vac with some friends or even alone before I would go with someone like that. I would also make sure he would have those post it notes surgically removed from an orface of his body!
Why is it that the people we love the most are the ones who hurt us the most?
You need to straightened that man out!
It sounds to me like there is some underlying hostility on both sides that needs to be addressed.  I agree with Hillhoney that you two really need to talk and listen to each other.Absolutely NOT funny. So sorry. I wouldn't take him anywhere.Wannabe,
 
Vodka has a tendency to bring out the ugly in even the most beautiful people. Now go and kiss and make up. Don't dwell on it. Sometimes we say hurtful things to people we love because we are hurting or scared or unsure or some other etc. Or we just drank too much vodka. Don't dwell on it. Or dwell on it if you like. Keep up the good work, it'll pay off.
 
LEV
It sounds to me like you both need a good long relaxing vacation.  Imagine sitting on the beach on a nice sunny day.  No clouds in site.  Sipping on a cold drink.  Sounds good, huh?

Call me weird, but I'm more concerned about the little post-it notes than I am about the cussing.  Does he leave mean post-it notes often?  I find that . . . well . . . odd. 

Anyway, this isn't worth getting all worked up over and feeling worse physically from all the stress.  Focus on the good and just file this under "Bad Day."
Yeah- I'm filing it under push it down for a little longer because I don't have the energy to deal with it or try to explain myself here. Don't get me wrong I don't mind anyone trying to suggest a reason why I am a part of why I was called a B*tch and was made to feel bad and in need of a tummy tuck. It does take two to tango.
I think I must have over stated the "fight" over the date. This trip is something we have been discussing for a few months. I had told him for his milestone birthday I would like to take him to celebrate it on a tropical island. He loves that type of vacation and it was unexpected because we had said we were going to put the brakes on vacations for awhile. It had always been just discussion until he said I ruined it because we couldn't agree and then...oh bother there is no way to be concise...never mind. 
Maybe it is just my personality, or something but if my husband did that to me I'd be finding him and I'd say I KNOW I am a B--ch, but I didn't know you were one too. Then I'd book my flight and leave him at home with the kids.
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