OT Should I be concerned? | Arthritis Information

 

Ok, moms. I want your input. 10 days ago, our 24 year old son informed us that a friend was traveling here from London to spend a week in Montana. She had never been here and wanted to see Yellowstone and Glacier. We thought nothing of it. He had met her on the internet on a blog site that he visits regularly. She also has a my space page that says she is single and 30 years old.

He picked her up at the airport a week ago last Friday and the first thing she told him was that she lost her purse at the London airport, so she had no money for anything. This was ok as Ben had planned to feed her and pay for everything else. So, they went off to where Ben lives for the week and showed back up here on Saturday on their way back to the airport.

They sat us both down and informed us they were in love and going to get married! Of course, we about fell off of our chairs. Then our son said something about the age difference. I knew she was older but I ask her how old she was. She hesitated for a bit and then says, "I'm 43". I know that age should not make a difference here but they met a week ago even though they have been communicating for more than a year.

Now he tells us that he is going to move to London in November. He says her mom is dying and as soon as her mom dies and she gets half of her estate, she is moving here with Ben and buy a house.

We are shocked and not sure what to think of all of this. Does this sound weird or is it just me?Sounds like a scam. I know that it is hard to imagine, but it sounds like she is a con artist. 

he is going to end up learning a very expensive lesson.....no its not just you but if you interfere he is going to dig his heels in and get stubborn

Sounds like a con artist to me, too.  As long has he doesn't give her any money, she'll disappear, I'd say. I would definitely understand you getting weird feelings about this.... Something is definitely shady.. i hope he wisens up.It sounds very weird.  I have a 20 year old daughter and even if she were a son and told me a similar story I would be freaked out.  One week is not enough to truly get to know someone well enough to marry.  Plus she already lied about her age, what else has she lied about?  I hate to sound pessimistic or to worry you more but I WOULD worry.  As parents we have to allow our children to make their own decisions and make mistakes even if it is a really bad one.  It's hard I know but all we can really do is sit on the sidelines and hope and pray that they remember all we taught them and if they do fall, be there to help them up as best as we can.Maybe suggest to him that he stay here and get to know her better until her mom passes away, then, (since she was going to anyway) she can move here and wait another year  to get to know each other while they plan the wedding. By then if she is a con artist, surely she'd have given up. 

This definitely sounds fishy to me.  She is setting your son up for something.  But you need to be very careful how you approach this.  Have you done an internet search on her name and see if you can find out anything about her. 

Hillhoney2008-09-16 13:41:00This doesnt sound right, age doesnt make a difference but what does make the difference is lying about it in the first placeRed flags went up for me too but I also know what a sticky situation you are in with trying to say anything to your son about it. They are their own men at that age and don't want to hear it. They feel like you are invading their space. Good Luck! People gave you some good suggestions on here.Well, I would be concerned, but you know the day and age of the internet brings all sorts of people together.  I would be overly concerned that she said she was 30's but her real age is 43.  (the age diff isn't the problem, the lying is".  Then the purse/money issue.  Sounds very fishy.  Additionally, moving to LONDON is a HUGE deal.  Maybe she is legit, but I doubt it.

Hang in there.

Hmmm, I don't know about any of you but when I travel, my PASSPORT is in my purse along w/my wallet! Isn't it curious that she was able to keep her passport while the purse was stolen? Geez, I'd have her checked out somehow. I think if it's a genuine love-match, they can wait.I agree completely, with everyone else. I just hope he finds out who and what she really is before he gets in too deep. God forbid, he should marry her!  That's the absolute worst mistake he could possibly make! [QUOTE=Honey] Hmmm, I don't know about any of you but when I travel, my PASSPORT is in my purse along w/my wallet! Isn't it curious that she was able to keep her passport while the purse was stolen? Geez, I'd have her checked out somehow. I think if it's a genuine love-match, they can wait.[/QUOTE]



Honey, that is exactly what I said to my husband.

My husband would kill me if he knew this but they both used my lap top when they were here so I got into the history and I found her blog and read the whole thing. I feel bad because some of it was private but I wanted to know what we are dealing with here. I don't understand some of it but I do know she is having tax problems, she recently had a big surgery and she has terrible family problems with her sis and mom. Other than that, she seems like an ok gal. Time will tell. I don't blame you a bit there....I'd do the same thing if it were my son. Take it from me.. you can't really set up any alarms without him going off to London pissed at you for interfering in his life.. I have a DD who is w/ a totaly loser and I cannot do a damn thing cause she's 21~   *sigh* Oh, Lori, what a mess. Why do kids always have to learn things the hard way? Had he ever mentioned her before, if not, maybe they are both hiding things from you, particularily him knowing you'd be against it. Does your son want children? That's going to be tough with someone whose 20 years older. Well, keep your cool, try not to say things you'll regret later, because you'll want the door between you and your son to stay open. Good luck.Lori - You know what I don't like about this, the whole waiting for my mom to die, so i can get her money!

 I'm in agreement w/ everyone else, this sounds off and yeah what about that passport.. now.. she could be like me.. I usually keep my id, often, in my pants pocket, to be on the safer side, just in case, my purse is taken....so was she wearing a dress or pants?? lol

bc of the first thing, I dont' trust her, but you have going to have to play it carefully...

sigh, good luck!!

The best you can do, is try to get him, to wait..If my mom was dying, the last place I'd be is in another country. Is there a way you can do a back ground check with the UK? Once a mother, always a mother and they don't reach an age where you don't worry about them. All you're doing is protecting your son.  Sounds like a scam.  THe Inernet is a place to be VERY cautious.  Can the British Embassy be of help?  A friend met a guy skiing who lied about his education and background and her mother did a search and found the deceit.My question is....how can you meet someone after communicating on the internet for a year or more and then after spending a week with them, decide to marry them? I don't get that. And then to be 20 years younger. What does a 43 year old woman see in a 24 year old man?(don't answer that, lol). I don't think she can have children. This is just so mind boggling to me.I can do some checking if you want the newspapers often report about internet scammers etc, just need to know where shes from.Hey Pin, Your mailbox is full. Tried to PM you. [QUOTE=lorster]My question is....how can you meet someone after communicating on the internet for a year or more and then after spending a week with them, decide to marry them? I don't get that. And then to be 20 years younger. What does a 43 year old woman see in a 24 year old man?(don't answer that, lol). I don't think she can have children. This is just so mind boggling to me.[/QUOTE]

As others have said, you're in a tough spot.  If you tell him your thoughts, you risk pissing him off and having him dig his heels in deeper, if for nothing else than to prove you wrong.  It's the nature of the 20-something.  Hopefully you guys will be able to sit down and have a good laugh about this someday, but right now it's not a laughing matter or a juvenile fling in his eyes.My question is....how can you meet someone after communicating on the internet for a year or more and then after spending a week with them, decide to marry them? I don't get that. And then to be 20 years younger. What does a 43 year old woman see in a 24 year old man?(don't answer that, lol). I don't think she can have children. This is just so mind boggling to me. .............................