I tried... | Arthritis Information

As many of you know I have been on SSDI since 2002 when I developed Cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure. I was a substitute teacher, and LOVED it.

over the last 6 years the Cardiomyopathy has seemed to improve. So yesterday I worked at Ally's school.. just a 2+ hour shift.. not teaching, but lunch room helper. very simple stuff. We open milk for the kindergarteners, make sure they have napkins, Help with stuff like that. Say "yes" when they ask to go to the bathroom..

At the end of 2 hours I was completely totally exhausted, racing erratic heartbeat, shaking, sweating, chest pains..plus extreme RA pain.

I cant do it. I thought I can. I was thinking maybe I could go back to substitute teaching.. I can't... I thought I was better...I cried all afternoon.

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel as I get frustrated too knowing I can't do half of what I use to do. It's hard fighting off the depression. Hugs to you.

Kathy please dont see it as a failure but pat youself on the back for trying. Working with kids as you know, even doing the simple stuff is hard. I worked at a school and even though physically is wasnt demanding i had to give it up because I was exhausted. Kindergarteners is a very demanding age and maybe you were just being too hard on yourself.

Hugs to you

I'm sorry Kathy, I know how disappointed you must be.

I think you should talk to your doctor, and see what he says you can handle, but I think there are still opportunities for you to work with children if that is what you want. As I am sure you know, being with children feeds the soul like nothing else will.

Our elementary school has guest readers that come in to read to the children. They also use volunteers for an after-school homework club to sit and help kids with their homework. Our public library doesn't have the funds for a full-time children's librarian, so they ask for help in providing a story hour each week. The neo-natal unit at our hospital asks for volunteers to rock and hold the preemies.

Only you and your doctor will know what you can handle, but I can tell you that as a child, the time I spent just sitting and talking to my grandmother, who was ill and just sitting in her rocking chair, were some of the most valuable moments of my life.

I'm so sorry - I'm sure you are feeling just awful! Do you think part of it was emotional stress? Worrying can reak havoc on our bodies. It is so depressing to feel like you can't do things you love anymore due to crappy illness.

I think Hillhoney made some good suggestions you could try for now and maybe build up to something more later.

I'll add you to my prayers if you don't mind.

Working with children is exhausting when you are healthy. I applaud your effort!! I agree with Hillhoney, my mom is a teacher and she is always looking for guest readers or people to come in and do craft like things. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself for what you accomplished. People who work with children and are good at it all deserve big .I am so sorry for your disappointment Kathy, but you deserve a round of applause for even trying. I agree with SnowOwl. You picked a rather stressful venue to take a test drive.

Hillhoney has some great ideas above. Look at this as an opportunity to try new things that are just as needed as teachers. When things change permanently and are beyond your control, don't spin your wheels trying to get back to where you were, take an opportunity to try new things and reinvent yourself. Personally, I love Hillhoney's idea of rocking the preemies.

Don't give up, just readjust and try something new.

Take care.

I'm sorry. working in a library sounds like a great idea!Aw, Kathy. I'm sorry. That must have been a blow. But I think reading to the kids is a great idea. I used to go in and help the little ones learn their spelling words and math facts, correct papers for the teacher, stuff like that. All it took was a chair and a willing heart :) The teacher will love you for any help you can give, and your daughter will be happy to look across the room and see her very favorite lady in the whole world. :)I'm so sorry Kathy. I do applaud you for trying tho. Hillhoney has some fabulous ideas! I am actually going to check into the rocking the preemies at our local hospital. I would love to do something like that.

It is good tho that you still recognize that you have a lot to give despite your physical problems. People tend to forget that our brains do not have a problem, just our bodies and we have not lost any of the intelligence and compassion that we had before we were diagnosed with whatever ails us. It is good that you and others get out there and show people that we still have minds and are compassionate and care for others. There is a huge misconception out there that people with a chronic illness only care for themselves. We can help to educate that away.
I understand how you feel, I was fired from my job for missing too many days of work due to my RA. No matter how many years of loyal service you put in people just don't care and they get rid of you. I was hoping that after I started meds it would even out and I'd miss less days of work but I never got to try because they fired me before that happened. But even now, having been on medication for 8 months I still couldn't work, I mean there are days when I could and days when I absolutely couldn't. I applied for SSDI and was denied twice, I don't know what to do now. I can't find someone to hire me under these circumstances and even if I did I would have a crappy track record and they would eventually have to let me go too. I thought about applealing the decision with an attorney, has anyone been through this? That's just awful, I'm so sorry. I agree that working with children is exhausting, (I was a lunch mother for a few years) no matter how healthy you are, so please don't be too hard on yourself. I love some of the suggestions you've gotten, but if you have your heart set on teaching again, just remember that you may not be able to do it right now, but there is no way you can be absolutely sure that you will never teach again. There's a reason you thought you were better. Apparently you are but you may just need to build up very slowly. It's too soon to give up your dream. You may not be able to physically handle working with a group of children, but you could make a big difference in the life of one child by doing something like being a mentor. There are some children who have no adults in their life to guide them, help them with homework, listen to them, offer support and encouragement.

I hope you find something that is fulfilling and rewarding, you have a lot to offer some lucky kids.

I am going to talk with someone at allys school I love the idea of reading etc. I already manage the campbells labels etc.

I called the hospital about volunteering in the nursery for preemies and what happens here is ALL preemies are sent to buffalo to the childrens hospital.. sigh..

I probably shouldnt have tried working less than as week beore my infusion is due.. duhhhhhhh

I think I have a cardiologist appt soon and I will talk to him about feeling aas sick as I was at the beginning.. this was a cardiac response mainly.

I havent recovered yet, still wiped out and weird heartbeat.