OT: Screaming | Arthritis Information
Well... it seems I keep running into more of the same with my daughter, and never really a solution to any of it.
My daughter has been doing this for a while now, I have tried to ignore it, I have tried the grounding, I have tried the threating, I have tried being nice, I have tried everything I could think of, but she STILL does it!
She will SCREAM at her brother. Not for anything bad or the like, No... she will scream at him "LEAVE ME ALONE!" repeatedly and gets all worked up while doing it. I mean if you overheard her screaming at him you would think someone was casuing her REAL harm.
She came home from school yesterday, son greeted her in the foyer, as always and this time completely dressed I might add... usually he is in his under-roos, and I was listening to the conversation. He said very happily "Hey! daughter's name here! How was school today?!" She replied with a blood curdelling scream of "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He proceeds to follow her to her room, which is a few steps from the foyer, all the while talking to her and none of what he was saying was any need for her to respond that way to him.
Finally, after she reaches her room, she begins to yell at him "LEAVE ME ALONE" repeatedly in the same blood curdelling scream and getting louder and louder. Finally, I yelled at her to stop screaming at him and to talk to me about why she was being so mean to him and screaming at him like that.
She never answered me and just looked like she was going to cry. I told her if she did not stop being like that to him, and this time I mean it, I will not let her go to her friends house on weekdays EVER! She just said ok, and went to her room.
She was quiet whiney, and the big titty baby yesterday. Maybe it is hormones, or her not having a good day at school. Understandable, I have those days to where I just "yell" at everyone because of not having a good day or not feeling well. But it seems like she does it all the time now.
After I sent her to her room, she came out to get the phone to call the neighbor to see if they were home so she could go over there and go to church with them, which she does ever wednsday. they were not home and she cried like someone had beat her with a mallet! She had this god awful cry and saying that they left her. Mind you this was an hour before they were to leave to go to church! Then when her daddy told her they just pulled into their driveway, she turned the crying off like a water fawcet and you would have never of known she was crying like she was. I mean it was sounding like a bear dying after being hit in the head with a sledgehammer! That is how she was crying. I mean it sounded like a spoiled brat, did not get my way kinda cry.
I am just at a loss with what to do with her. Like I told my mom a couple of weeks ago, I am so glad I will not have to deal with her when she gets older. Meaning, her nanny spoiled and made her the way she is, so she & hubby will have to deal with her. Hubby will have to because he let his mom spoil her like that. I was and have always been against it.
But also, like me and my mom were talking... I have no right in dictating their relationship, because my daughter was born for my MIL. They were meant for each other, and there is no refuting or obstructing that. I knew from the day I was told I was pregnant that my daughter was meant for her granny.
Oh well... just needed to vent about it all.
joonie2008-10-30 05:18:48
Shame on you and this forum!
AchingAudrey2008-11-30 12:16:14My daughter, is only 10 LOL! She has nothing to really ground her from, except Nintendo DS.
I done that last time she was mean to her brother, and followed thru with it, and did not even play it in front of her, to show her what she was missing out on, like I did last time I grounded her. I just put in up in my under-roo drawer.
But then come Saturday, her granny talked hubby into letting her have her Nintendo DS back. YEAH!! I was asleep when this all went down, so I had no say in it. Daughter got her Nintendo DS and got to play it the rest of the weekend. Because... she stayed over her grannies house over the weekend.
Yep... it is futile for me to even "punish" her, i5 just gets undone.
No anger here. Just upsetting.
Shame on you and this forum!
AchingAudrey2008-11-30 12:15:13Does she scream like that around her grandmother?
You need to tell Granny to she is your daughter and you will discipline her how you see fit. From now on when she is grounded from something I woudn't let her stay at Granny's if she isn't going to follow your rules. Quite honestly, if my punsihments were to get undone by Granny I wouldn't allow her to stay there anymore.
No, she does not scream like that at her brother while around her granny. Main reason, because son is not at MIL house that much when daughter is over there.
I will not keep my daughter from going to her grannies on the weekends. Like I stated above, I cannot/will not obstruct in their relationship. My daughter only gets to see her granny on weekends, so it would be really cruel to make her go a week without seeing her granny. Her granny even took into consideration just how much she would get to see my daughter when she had to decide which shift to take. YEAH!
Yeah, hubby might need to cut the apron strings, but no chance in that, since hubby thinks he already has. It would help in more ways than this problem if his parents would just let him flounder. A whole nother problem there. But I am greatful for my in-laws.
It is a very complicated situtation. I have been venting about this kind of stuff to my mom for over 9 years now, and it the same crap just different year. I would complain to my mom about it, but most of you know she just recently had open heart surgery and had a bad time recovering, and I do not want to bother her with me venting about this. PLUS, my mom has been very worried about my oldest brother who keeps having seizures and has memory loss now. So... I do not want to add to her already burdened mind.
Sorry for giving you some advice, but maybe you have nothing to complain about if your not willing to fix it. Not trying to be rude but my first concern would be my daughter the relationship with Granny will follow if you set the ground rules.
Shame on you and this forum!
AchingAudrey2008-11-30 12:14:19Don't get me wrong, I totally understand I have two kids and my mom lets them do, or tries to, whatever they want. I have to put my foot down though, a lot, because when they get back from doing whatever the hell the want at grandma's they are brats at home and they don't listen at all. I just sit down and explain to her what I want or don't want them to do.
reegie,
your advice was welcomed and took into consideration, very short consideration, but none the less I thought about it.
My MIL was DXed with Hodgekins disease about 3 months before I found out I was pregnant. My MIL was to the point that she wanted to quit chemo and just let it go its course. My MIL was a stage 3, very close to a stage 4.
When she heard the news of her first grandchild being on the way, she sucked up all the will to live to be here for when my daughter was born. she even kept in contact with me, when me & her son broke up for 5 months.
My daughter is/was her life support. My daughter was born just for my MIL, no one else.
My MIL has 2 other grandkids, and my daughter is by far her favorite, and she will do anything for my daughter. which I am happy that she will. Because who knows how much longer I will be around with this whole RA & meds crap anyways? I mean I am already decleared disabled at the age of 27.
So... maybe there is a reason as to why my daughter and her granny are so close and always will be? Could it be because I might not live as long as her granny will?
Not trying to be a downer, but just trying to predict the unforeseen future and make myself feel better.
Yikes she does sound like a teenager. Maybe she is going through puberty early? Some girls do.
Or have you had a heart to heart with her asking if something is bothering her? Sometimes when people are frightened they strike out in anger instead.
Or if she is just being a plain old brat I would banish her to her room when she starts yelling. Tell her you can scream in your room but you cannot scream at anyone it is unacceptable. When you can talk in a normal tone of voice you can come out again.
I'm so glad my kids are grown- I can remember how they tried my patience on a regular basis!
I will no longer say anything about it, how the heck was I supposed to know about your mil?
Oh you weren't that is why I told you about her.
thank you for trying to help.
Just like a couple of months back MIL told me I should get daughter to help out around the house. well... I took her advice and did ask daughter to help. I told daughter that it was her job to clean the livingroom and diningroom and even offered her a prize at the end of the month for doing so.
Well.... some time last month... FIL said something to the effect that if I would set a good example and clean house, then my daughter would follow. Well... I cannot do that, as I am limited by my neurologist in my activity because of the pinched nerves in my right leg. It causes my legs to shake uncontrollably, and lots of pain and more right hip problems.
Then I reminded them all about what the neurologist just told me that very week.
I use to clean house and was a germ-a-phobe. I mean everything was clean and disinfected and I cleaned my daughters room, until she was 6. If her seeing me cleaning was to set a good example, then why for those 6 years of her seeing me clean house, not instill a good cleaning habit? I think that set a good example is just plain boat load of Monkey CRAP! *nods head*
I know it's hard to brush off some of the harsh remarks from the in laws. But you have taught your daughter by example and she is ooing old enough to start doing chores. Don't doubt yourself!!My son "washed" dishes yesterday. He helps his granny, some times, wash dishes on the weekends. He is all about the washing of dishes. I have to tell him no he cannot wash our dishes, because he makes a mess with the water, and I am afraid I will slip and fall.
And he will help me pick up, without even asking him. And he never seen me clean house. Maybe a couple of times, but not much in the first 3 of years of his life. He is 4 now. So, it does go to prove that doing by setting example is not really what it is all cracked up to be.
My 4 year old loves doing dishes too, but boy does he make a mess!!Yep, I have seen the mess that one time, at in-laws house, that son made and I was thinking to myself... "He will never wash dishes at home!"
Yeah, from what I've read, your daughter and her granny have a special bond...don't want to be messing with that. I wonder if you told your mil how your daughters screaming is getting worse..etc..and then ask if maybe she (your mil) would talk with your daughter about it. Maybe she'd open up to her granny about it or maybe after hearing that granny would like if she tried not to scream so much, she might just try a bit harder to get along with her brother? Long shot I know, but maybe your mil could talk with her.
i will talk to MIL about it this weekend when I see her again.
And just think daughter wanted a baby brother and begged us to have her a baby brother LMAO! And now she wants to trade him in for a baby sister. I keep telling her, that no matter boy or girl they are still going to mess with her stuff and get on her "nerves". hehehehe!
lol..yeah...I think it's pretty normal between siblingsI agree with Kelly. Maybe her granny can just talk with her. I don't believe she should be punished. Something is bothering her. With kids, you never know but her granny may be able to get to the bottom of it. You mentioned hormones, Joonie, that could have a lot to do with it.
Yeah... I am thinking hormones, because she has been growing boobers for about 5 months now at least and last I looked they were just getting bigger and bigger
But she has also had trouble with kids at school in the past. They tend to make fun of her or call her names and she is one to take everything someone says about or to her to heart. She holds on to negative things people say to her, and does not let it roll off her back so to speak.
Her main problem I can tell is she has no friends at school and her only friend is the neighbors daughter. that is the only thing I can think of that is bothering her, right now, is not having a friend at school. She complains about it most days when she comes home from school.... that she has no friends at school. I just tell her friends are overrated yeah, sounds like she may be getting a hard time at school. Do you think her teacher might have some insight into what is going on? That is just sad to have to get up everyday and face a hard day when you are a kid. She may be being teased and come home and not want to deal with anything. I can't believe she is 10!!!
I hope it all settles down for her. Does the neighbor girl go to the same school?
awww poor kid. The girls are probably jealous because she has boobers and they don't!from what I gather, the kids in her class are jealous of her because she is the smartest in the class. Same as last year, she was the smartest in the class and was teased and called stupid for being so smart. It was one boy that was calling her stupid and once he got sent to the principals office he did not bother her anymore. This year it is a different group of kids in her class that she did not know until this year. I am not sure if anyone is teasing her again this year, but she hates school, and always has since we put her in public school.
No, the neighor's girl does not go to the same school she is home schooled.
My daughter has a talking problem (she does not know when to stop talking and shut up), and on top of that she is a tom-boy. The girls last year did not like her because she liked to play with the boys and not do girly stuff. And some of the girls were telling my daughter that she was ugly. My daughter is beautiful, and I am not just saying that because I am her mother, she is cursed like her aunt for girls to hate her just because she is prettier and boys like her better.
It took me most of last year to explain to her that some of the boys were teasing her because they liked her, but did not want her to know they liked her. But the one that kept telling her she was stupid and had her believing she was stupid, he was just a mean little boy that did not like that he was not as smart as she is. I told her you cannot be stupid and make all A's. I tried to explain the different between the the two situations, but I think she might have forgotten what I said.
I will know when she gets home what is up with her. If it is just hormones or being teased again.
joonie2008-10-30 12:44:41Joonie
telling her that friends are overrated and that you didn't have any at that age is not really helping her. It could be that she feels that you aren't being sympathetic to her problems.
Going to Grandma, however strong the bond, should be a privelege and if she doesnt repsond to anything else taking away the thing that means most to her should be on the table. Missing one weekend won't permantly scar her and may make her appreciate those visits all the more
[QUOTE=reegie]
Sorry for giving you some advice, but maybe you have nothing to complain about if your not willing to fix it. Not trying to be rude but my first concern would be my daughter the relationship with Granny will follow if you set the ground rules.
[/QUOTE]
This is Joonie's forte, she complains, but then doesn't do anything to fix it. Sorry Joon, you know I love ya but it is true!
She was upset and POed because she thought they left without her. And come to think of it, she probably was in a crabby mood from not going to be before 10:00pm. She went to sleep around 10:30pm and was a pain to wake her up!
She went to bed earlier tonight. I made her be in bed and TV off around 9:45 and she is asleep now.
But nothing wrong at school, so she says. Just bored with school is all she said.
Monday, she was complaining about doing work she already knew how to do. Because I was talking to her about her recents papers she brought home.
Maybe a chat with her teacher is in order. Find out if she is having trouble making friends or is being picked on. Another idea is maybe she is not being challenged enough at school. Maybe she can go to a higher grade classroom for part of the day for the subjects that are too easy in her class. I seem to remember she is in the gifted program, but maybe it is not enough. At 3 yrs old my youngest son (who was born a preemie) was reading children's chapter books and writing his own stories. He started kindergarten when he had just turned 4. He hated it there with all the "babies" just learning to write the alphabet and read. The school gave him the exit test for K, 1st grade, and 2nd grade and he scored 100% on all. They wanted to keep going, but I said no. He was bored! He was used to being around older kids as I ran an in home preschool/daycare and home schooled my eldest. He was in kindergarten 2 weeks and they put him in 2nd grade; he has blossomed ever since.
I have to agree with the others, I went to college for early childhood education and there are lots of tools you can use. First thing that popped into my mind is she is YOUR daughter, not MIL's. It's nice that she kept MIL going when she was ill, but your daughter needs to grow up to be a responsible, polite young lady. What is going to happen when MIL passes? I hate to bring that up, but the time comes for all of us eventually. I think taking a weekend away is an excellent idea, because then both MIL and your daughter will know you mean business. I would sit her down and make a list of expectations you and hubby have for her and list things like keeping her room tidy, no yelling, etc. Be very clear and consistant and get your hubby on board. I would tell him that the next time he goes behind your back and gives her back the nintendo, you will cut the cord off. I did that one time to my boys TV. They were like 14 and 15 at the time and would not clean their rooms. That left a big impact! When my son was 10, he'd throw a hissy fit and SLAM his door as hard as he could, so I had hubby take it off the hinges and put it up in the garage for about 3 mo. Never slammed again.
Catch her being good and put a sticker on her chart and make a big deal of it. I think a month might be too long to wait for a prize, especially in the beginning. Maybe a weekly trip with just dad to the library to check out movies, books, pre teen magazines, etc. My boys still love going to the library and they've been going since they were babies.
I have lots more ideas if you need em, just ask
luv ya!
Deb
I have kids but not that age so I figure my advice not be that relevant. But I do know how it is trying to re-set ground rules when kids return from a trip to grandparents! My mom doesn't spoil, she has rules, but she is focused just on them when they are there, which I think is a good thing, it's their special time, but then you have to bring them back down to earth...Good luck. Parenting isn't easy!!!!
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