I am ready to be divorced, and maybe to die. I need help where do I go? I am tired of pain and I am tired of making him suffer. I do not know if we can afford it but I think it is best. any suggestions? w.w.
I think there are more choices for you. I hope you call a professional to talk. Living with this disease is hard, feeling as though you're making your family suffer because of it I think is a normal thought also. I do however, think that thinking about dying to solve the issue isn't the best choice. Please get help.
I had a therapist once as me if I ever thought of suicide, which I have, and still do at times. But she gave me something to ponder, and its stuck with me and gotten me through alot.
She said she wanted me to think of suicide as a tool box. I was to store it away in mind on a shelf. I could take it down, and opened it up and examine its contents. And if it was really that bad at that particular moment, then the tools and the toolbox were there for me to use. If after examination it wasn't the right tool, then to close up the toolbox, and put it back up on the shelf in my mind.
This was maybe 20 years ago - I wasn't sick like I am now, not as hopeless as I am now, not in the situation you are now wonderwoman, but I hope these words and this idea help ground you. You are a Wonder Woman, and we would miss you in here.
HI WW, I am so sorry you are feeling this way, do you have a close friend or relative who can help you, take you to counselling etc. What you need right now is TLC, and I am sure you have many people who would only be too willing to give it, reach out, we all need to do it at times. Do you have any faith (religion), I find going to Mass always helps me feel better and there is always a community support network available, you don't need to do this alone. PM me if you wish, God Bless and take care, talk to your GP first and start the ball rolling. Bear in mind that we all feel like this sometimes and dying is definitely not the answer, it is so permanent!!! You have a life to live and love to give, can you talk to hubby? Sometimes we think we know what they are thinking etc, that they are fed up with us, I am sure you are wrong, try talking to him. Maybe call "relate" a very good counselling service. A big hug from Janie.
Have you ever asked your hubby if "you" were making him "suffer"?
I use to and sometimes still do think I am a "burden" to my hubby & kids. More so when I was not doing well.
But I did point blank ask my hubby if "I" made him misrable because I was such a "burden"? He would always reassure me that was not the case.
It is what our minds tend to think, and make us believe. Because we get tired of fighting this disease, we get tired of having to depend on others because of this disease.... so we think everyone else is tired of "us".
I cannot remember most of all you have posted about, not sure if your hubby has said anything to you about "suffering".
I really do hope you can find someone to talk to. It does help to talk to someone, and let everything out. For me when I do that, I can move on, until next time.
Much and many hugs to you, wonderwoman.
So sorry you feel so down and are in so much pain. Prayers going up that you will feel better and have a new outlook today.WW..please find someone to talk to. I agree with the other posters that we often "think" we are a burden to family members and spouses when indeed, we are not. It is just our minds telling us. Please sit down with your hubby and ask him. Communication is so very important. When I feel like I'm letting my husband down, we sit and talk. Usually, there is something else going on in his mind as he also takes care of his mother who is getting less mobile. If you feel you cannot talk to him, please call your doctor and share this with them. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...Hiking_galWonderwoman,
There isn't anything I can add that hasn't already been said. I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your family.
I'm sorry you are feeling this bad ww. I had a friend who killed herself at 36, leaving behind a husband and 3 young children. The devastation was unimaginable. If you were to end your life you would leave everyone to wonder how they'd failed you. Please don't leave the people you love with that kind of burden.
I'm praying that you will get some relief soon.I can only echo the suggestions that you find a third party to counsel you, support your, and assist you in dealing with your emotions and inclinations.
This may not help, but sometimes to many good thoughts are redundant. I too will be divorced soon. primarily due to RA and what it has done to me physically and mentally. and i too view at some point that death is the only way out. I have no intention of being a helpless cripple relying on help to do everyday things. Now for all about to jump on their keyboards and decry me. There is a large gap between thinking of dying and actually causing it. i just want you to know that your thoughts are not uncommon in a lot of us, i truly hope that you are not at the possition of ending it and are just at yet another reflection of where this horrible disease is taking me. One little trick i have that i don't want the bitch that is divorcing me to get the insurance money, so i plan to make it till the kids are at least 18 so they get it. i know its not a possitive approach but we all do waht we have to to get by. As for the Husband, he did promise to look after you in "sickness and health", my spouse is the failing one on that, as it sound like is yours.WW,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Divorce is a very hard thing. I would not wish it on anyone. I think the advice for counsel is a great idea, start with a clergyman, or your doctor they may help direct you to the right person to counsel you. I pray that your burdens are lessened and replaced with joy. Take care, we are not promised Heaven on earth, but we are promised to be brought through, I hope you make it through and soon.
Hugs to you,
Tink
My dear WonderWoman, Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. And, as you can see, so are those of many others.
It breaks my heart to know that you feel your options are so limited. Please, please try to be brave. I know it's easy for me to say, but I think you have the strength in you to get yourself through this. As others have said, don't be afraid to see a counseler. I see a wonderful psychiatrist, and I don't know how I would have gotten through a certain difficult time without his help. They are there to help you, not to judge you.
Please see your rheumatologist, too. It sounds as if you may need his/her help, too.
Know we are with you, and are thinking of you.
Gentle hugs and much love, Nini
Thank you everyone for your love. Sorry for my dumping. I felt so bad yesterday if given the chance I would have said yes to death. Today is better... a better weather front has passed thru. My husband is a dear but he is quick with his tongue and when he wants to shut you up he does and this makes you feel terribly alone. Thank you for your prayers. wonderwomanI'm glad you're feeling better WW.... sorry I wasn't about much yesterday when you were here and so sad..
Sometimes, we get waves of sadness... perhaps you should still think about finding someone professional to talk w/about it.... *HUGS*
WonderWoman - I am happy for you that today is better. Getting through the dark days can be very hard, but you are never alone. I think so many of us have felt just the way you do at one time or another. This forum can definitely be a life line when things really have you down. I send you wishes for peace and healing.Glad things are better for you, WonderWoman. I hope they continue to get better for you.
Much hugs to you.
just who do you talk to that understands RA? I have no one. i have counselors i can talk to but they do not know what it fills like to hurt so bad that you do not get dressed. you hurt so bad you just want to be left alone always. I always prayed i would get my children grown and i would like to be able to walk down the isle, if and when they get married, but i do not care anymore. i just want to be left alone forever. everything hurts to much and no one understands. i have been to religious counselors you can tell they have never dealt with this. i want to free my self of stress and my family of me. my mom, my brothers and sisters would not care nor do they understand. friends do not understand. i truly am tired of it all. but i promise i will hang in here at least until i can talk to my RD. I am struggling maybe he will have some suggestions. maybe some kind of pain management or .....I have my mom I talk to. I know she does not understand my pain and problems, but she usually listens to me and hardly comments, and when she does I know it is with love.
But when I am to the point of where you are, I "talk" to my hubby about it. It might not be in a nice tone or even a nice way. Because I am usually angry and upset. So... a lot of yelling, and cussing, but in the end, it gets resolved. I tell my hubby just what I think of him and how he "treats" me, which is not bad, but when you are in pain and hopeless... to you anything but the show of love is treating you bad.
Then he will do what he needs to do, to make me feel better and I am ok for a while. It is a process he has come to expect from me when I am not doing well. He knows when I start laying in bed from pain and get upset easily that one of them arguments is on the way.
I echo wonderwoman, i too have nobody to talk to, but even if i did finding anyone that understands is impossible. analysts are trained to identify and manage an issue, they are blind to constant pain, fatigue, depression and hopelessness.YOU HAVE US!!!! WW you do have us...most definetly..Im not sure what kind of support is offered where you live..we have an RA support group here started by an RA sufferer, there are now 67 members and we all have each others phone numbers. Some of the husbands come to the meetings too if there is an issue they have..Maybe see if there is something like that near you...Normal counsellors dont know what its like but there people really do iunderstand.WW,
We may not be trained as counselors, but we ARE here for you. I have people in my life that I can talk to but honestly, they can't really relate to what I go through.
When I flare, I always get really really depressed. There are times I just lay in my bed thinking that I have no one who cares and I just wish my life was over. Of course my closest friends always think I'm sick so they'll leave me alone. Then I feel worse because no one calls me. It's a vicious cycle for me. Anyway, I can relate to how you are feeling right now.
I wished I had some suggestions for you as I would use them myself. The only advice I have is to do exactly what you did do - pour out your heart on this board and know that we truly care about you.
I agree that here is where to come. We can't always make you feel better or come up with a solution but you can rest assured that you are understood. Sometimes to be validated and understood means more to me than anything else.
Hope your pain level significantly lowers and that your heavy heart is lifted.
Hang in there WW!
You know, last week I was having the most horrible day of pain and fatigue. The kids were at school, my husband was in a meeting, and I felt so alone. I felt tired of complaining about feeling poorly all of the time to my friends and family. Wonder woman you are right, absolutely no one can understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it too.
I was feeling so sick and blue with no one to turn to, and then it suddenly occurred to me to post here. The words of care and comfort from people who have no idea who I am, were so wonderfully soothing because I knew that even though everyone here is a stranger to me we are bonded through our RA journey.
Please, please turn to this board for support. It has truly been a lifeline for me in the past two years, and for that I am relieved and grateful beyond measure. We are here for you.
graciesmom2009-02-05 13:08:23WW, just wanted to see how you were doing and if things have gotten any better for you. I hope you're having a comfortable evening and things only get better.
Courage does not always roar; sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."
Thank you for caring. All of you. Thanks. It is a battle 24/7. Sometimes I do not want to fight anymore. But all of your kind words have encouraged me to struggle on at least awhile longer. A Shout out to the Board and the People Who Responded!!!!!warm wishes and hundreds of hugs to you WWI felt like you feel, WW. That it is a 24/7 battle. It is. Then... something changes. The right meds, the season, your outlook... something. for me it was giving up on the battle for a while.
You know I use to seem so down to most and people thought I was depressed. I might have been a little, but the pain, problems and depending on others is what made me not want to continue. It is seen as a burden, and not being able to contribute in anyway that made me feel useless. I still feel useless sometimes, but not as much as I use to. You know to the point that people would be better off if I were no longer around. I mean sure... I could have move away to a hospital or care facility, if they would have took me. But they would still have felt entitled to come visit me and then I still would have felt like a burden.
You think of so many things when you are in dspair. Like I said "you think". There are no truths to what your mind thinks when you are in despair. It is a form of depression. But like depression there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to seek it. Sure you can take breaks during the seek, but you will find the light. You have before remember? It is there... you just have to look for it again.
Much hugs to you.
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