OT stomach in a knot | Arthritis Information

Well I have been emailing back and forth with this teacher about date and times to get together and when we finally settled on one I asked if I should meet her in her class room. She says "I will meet you in the main office. The vice principal, disciplinarian, your son and myself will be waiting for you. I feel like I'M in trouble! Plus it seems like it more than I know about and it's making me nervous. I emailed her back and asked if this was something more serious then class room misbehavior - I yi yi- does it ever end.

Sorry- added Off Topic- sorry to need support in a non related way

wanttobeRAfree2009-02-12 12:44:29Innocent until proven guilty. Dont let the teachers make you feel as if you have done anything wrong...If you son has misbehaved then that was down to him..stand your ground and look them directly in the eye....There is always two sides to every story...good luck and let us know [QUOTE=wanttobeRAfree] Sorry- added Off Topic- sorry to need support in a non related way[/QUOTE]

wanttobeRAfree, please don't be sorry for needing support of any kind. It's an absolute fallacy and myth to believe that this disease does not effect every single part of our lives.

Everything is related, when you have RA.

Just the stress alone, of this thing with your son is going to effect your RA. That's just what happens...the reality of this thing in our lives and what it does.

Minimising how this illness can affect us is giving it opportunity to affect us more.

I hope this situation with your son is resolved easily.

If you have any faith or spiritual beliefs, maybe now would be a good time to 'hand' the situation over to a higher power?

Then after you do that...go and take care of yourself...rest, read, sleep, watch a movie...realise what is nurturing to you and do it.

Hang in there. Aren't the teen-age years fun. I'm with Reggie, if it was really bad you'd know right away and some action would have already been taken.   Is your son saying anything at all about it?   If the teachers aren't being open with you, I'd at least find out more from your son so you're more prepared.   I feel so much better after reading your posts. I was thinking along the same lines that if this teacher doesn't come forth with a reply to my email and tell me just what this is all about I will call the vice principal and ask him. It is really stressing me out and it's not good for me. I'm already in a flare. I'm mad at my son too. He just had to push the envelope! He says it's nothing- she's insane. I met her at back to school night and maybe she is a little flaky. I know she was having issues with my son from day 1 because when I introduced myself she like caught her breath and was rendered speechless. Then she said Oh he is a smart boy but he is always talking to his friends and asking for bathroom passes. OK- would that render you speechless? He's not going around swinging baseball bats!
School is closed until next Wed so I have plenty of time to get a list of questions together.
No Sno- my husband won't attend. These things are always "my job." He will talk to my son about it though. So do I.
LOL I guess I've been through this before now that I think of it. I had to meet with my older son's entire team of teachers once. They set a classroom up with their desks all in a semi circle around the one lone desk in front that was mine! Ask me if that was intimidating? Well I got through it OK and I can't even remember what it was about so it must have been a big nothing!
Yeah I can't wait to get out of these teenage years- I'm worn out!
Cordeila- thanks so much for making me feel comfortable about posting this subject here.
wanttoberafree, you welcome. I am glad what I said helped.

I believe it's a fallacy to believe that issues like this, emotional and psychological ones or stressful situations, aren't related to our RA. Of course, they are.

They are never OT as far as I am concerned.

In fact, I believe they are very much on topic and are often the issues we should be taking about more.

This illness affects ALL of us. Not just our physically bodies.

Reducing and controlling our stress levels is a very important thing to learn in coping and managing our RA.

I am glad that you are going to take some action in the situation and you are clear about when you are going to do so. Well done. Like I said before, I have found one of the best ways to reduce stress levels is to be proactive in the situation and take appropriate action.

Hang in there. I can only back up what Cords and others have said.
I know from observing myself that I either have a heightened awareness to stress or a lower threshold than what I used to.
As a teacher, that does sound a bit odd. Is she assuming that your son has clued you into the situation? Maybe a note or letter sent home? We very rarely meet one on one with a parent, mainly due to the "team" concept. But, it shouldn't be intimidating. When we had parent teacher conferences last week, we made a point to make it relaxed. First, the parents knew all the core teachers would be present. We all sat together around a table and asked the parents what there concerns were first. Kind of like a "We are all in this together" atmosphere. Anyway, it sounds like somebody has dropped the ball. If it is a major discipline issue, our principal calls to explain the situation. As for email, we are not allowed to discuss anything over email involving discipline or grades. Kinda limits things huh? This is mainly due to lawsuits which have happened in other counties. Can you possibly talk to the teacher on the phone beforehand? It sounds to me like she is being a bit unprofessional. Whenever I have a parent email me regarding grades/discipline, I immeadiately let them know that it has to be either a phone conversation or face to face. As a teacher, I would want to talk to the parent before the meeting. Our behavior meetings are more for the student. The parent(s) know the situation and so does the administrator and/or other teachers. The meeting it to let the student know that we all feel the behavior is wrong, and it won't be tolerated. That way he/she knows we are all on the same page. We also let the kid know that if there are any issues are problems creating this behavior, we are there to support them. After all, they are just kids. Most behaviors are just poor choices-often caused by hormones!!

Sorry, I am just rambling here. I wish I could make you un-nervous(is that a word?) I am hoping this is just a case of miscommunication and the meeting won't be nearly as bad as it seems.
Validation feels so good! Being understood is the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Rebecca- when this subject was first broached she told me she wanted my son to tell me what he had done - she told me via email. When she told my son she would be emailing me telling me to ask him she said his response to her was I just won't tell her the truth.
When I asked him that night he said that's what the problem is: she doesn't get that I'm kidding around. He swore that it was just the same thing she emailed me about last time. Talking to his friends and asking to go to the bathroom. He swears that's all. I told him adults do not find that kind of humor funny. It's not a joking matter. Tonight I grilled him again. I said how did this turn into such a big deal? He says mom- I swear I don't know! She's making a big deal out of nothing!
With that and all the support here I am feeling much better about things.
Rebecca- are you having surgery tomorrow? I'm brushing cobwebs but I seem to remember you are having something some time soon. Hope everything goes well for you. Please remind us of the date.
I missed this thread earlier. Since I'll be gone when this is resolved you'll have to pm me with the results.

I bet your son is telling the truth, or close to it. My poor son was given detention for walking on the grass after lunch today! No warning, a large group of them. And he is a straight A, never been in trouble, national junior honor society, I could go on and on. Poor thing was treated like dirt too. I just don't know what goes on in adults minds sometimes. I know that we have a lot of overworked, underpaid, teachers in our country. But many times the reaction is dissproportionate to the infraction. WHAT-Ever!It's on the 18th. Thanks for asking. I am out of work on Monday for a full physical, consult, and then bloodwork. Can't wait.   Then Wed. is the big day. I'll be honest, I am seriously freaking out. I am hoping I only have to stay overnight one day. Then I have close to two weeks off from work.

I hope the meeting goes well. Gotta love teenagers!
oh my some teachers (present company excluded) get a rise out of giving kids detention and slips to the principal's office....
Not saying something didn't happen... I hope your son comes clean before you go to school.. that would make life easier to take by sheer knowing.... maybe your DH can "convince" him??

You got some great advice here.. I'm basically popping in this thread to lend support and good vibes for a positive exchange w/ the teachers....

As a father of two girls I can tell you that they pretty well tell the truth. BUT leave out a few things that change the whole complexion of the matter.
Talking in class could be correct, but what sort of talking was it, were they swearing, were they constantly interrupting the teacher, were they a disruption to the rest of the class.
Had they been asked to stop what they were doing and refused.

Talking in class might be correct, BUT, I want to hear the other side before deciding that one of my kids is in the clear.

I was only having a smoke dad, honest. It was dope.

I know that my ex wife believed anything that came out of their mouths and women in general are the same from my experience, hence I had to wait untill I felt the fire.
My girls were super over protected by the mother.

Now girls you can rip my head off for having some doubts. There is smoke around, so there must have been some fire to start with.

Sorry Babs, I "want to be" prepared.

Bodak2009-02-12 20:37:53LOL- half truths- I always tell my kids I'll stick my neck out for you but don't make me get my head chopped off or you will be very sorry and it will take a long while for you to regain my trust.
That said- he better be "clean"
La- if I forget to PM you remind me to tell you. Next Friday is a long way off in a brain fog world!
Rebecca- make sure to come here for plenty of support leading up to your surgery day. Sometimes talking about it helps quell fears.

Wannabe, when my son graduated this past June, my husband I felt like we graduated. Getting the last one through school was definitely a challenge. He has ADD, which was not diagnosed until he was in high school (perhaps like your son), because he was watching a commercial for an ADD medication, and said, that's what it's like for me. I didn't want to believe it, because he wasn't hyperactive, which in my limited knowledge was what I needed to see for it to make sense. We tried the medication route, but he decided against it, he just didn't like the way it made him feel.

Bottom line is together we made it. We had monthy meetings at the school when we needed it, and eased up to infrequent meetings when we didn't. We always made certain to listen to what he had to say and we asked his opinions about everything - even to discussing what consequences should be. As time went on, with the help of the school it really did get easier. Maturity has so much to do with it, and not everyone matures at the same rate.

Kids aren't meant to fit in perfect molds, but sometimes teachers expect that of them. There are wonderful teachers and administrators, and you need to latch onto them and ask for their help and input, and you need to recognize when a teacher is not one who is willing to help. There are some of those too. And there are definite personality differences - clashes between people just as there are in the workplace.

But never forget, and don't let the teachers forget, kids are supposed to screw up. They are supposed to try things and make mistakes. And they are supposed to rebel (to an extent). That's how they are wired. Sure there are the "good" kids, who never want to get disapproval, and who make it their life's mission to be perfect. I was one of those, and looking at the world from the otherside, I wish I had been a little more like my son!

Find joy in who he is and his uniqueness. Help him discover where his passions lie and encourage that. Let him know you will fight for him if necessary, but you also expect him to do his part and treat people properly and show respect for others, and complete the things he needs to do when he is at school. Let him know you are a team, with a common goal.

Bodak-I'm not naive. Sure-there is always the possibility that our children's versions aren't 100% accurate, but time and again I have been dissapointed in the adults handling of some very minor issues. Smoking dope is one thing, stepping on grass quite another. I'm glad. And I will tell you that right now my son is going to community college part time and working two jobs. This was all his choice.   He just can't handle school full time. This way he is moving toward his goal, but keeping his sanity at the same time, LOL!

You guys will make it through, because failure isn't an option!
I have to say I am with Bodak on this one.

This probably won't make me very popular right now. I am also a teacher. The teacher is having this meeting for a reason. Trust me, as teachers we have enough to do and to call parents in to have a meeting for no reason isn't going to happen. Even if it is "just" talking you have no idea how frustrating it is to have a student interrupt a class. Especially if it is a recurring theme. Really it comes down to respect which I think is just as important if not more important than some of the other misbehaviors.

I have been struggling with this the past few weeks. I think the kids are ready for spring and summer. They are just wiggling out of their seats. But that isn't an excuse to be disrespectful. I teach at a wonderful school with great kids, but like I said, it does get frustrating.

I would just try and be as open minded as possible and to look at both sides. I am sure you have a wonderful son, but everyone slips up now and again.
Please don't get me wrong- I always fully support teachers. I have made my sons email apologies for being disruptive in class and make them copy me on it so I know it's done. I always reinforce that even if they are not interested in what is going on there are other kids in the class wanting to learn and to be disruptive is rude.
I have a daughter who is a teacher so I know how it is to have the shoe on the other foot. There are a lot of parents today who think their kids can do no wrong.

My beef is she is being too secretive and it seems like she is blowing it out of proportion by including a Vice Principal & Disciplinarian in the meeting. If it really was serious it should have been addressed the day it happened, immediately with my son and these two people. Now I am made to wait until next Friday wondering what the heck? I have to take off time from my job. She knows I have been supportive in the past- she knows he gets grounded when I hear from her so if he continued this behavior she should have just sent him to the principal.
It does seem odd that they are dragging it out until next week. Maybe they are going to recommend putting him a different class and have to work that out (like making sure he ends up with the right credits, etc.)? Since it only involves one teacher at this point and not the rest of his classes, that might be the best solution. He obviously didn't do anything bad enough to be suspended, etc. or it would have been dealt with right away. Good luck with it all. While I know it is frustrating to have to wait so long, I think it is good to discuss things in person, with multiple people who will be involved in working through any issues, and with your son present. My husband and I both always attended meetings, and we were able to schedule them early in the morning (7 a.m.) before classes started, so that it worked for hubby getting to work, and all of the staff being available.
At our school they always talk in person about discipline problems. I am guessing that next week is a time that works for all of them, but she should tell you that much at least. I don't know. Definitely let us know how it goes!
Sounds frustrating not to know, but if it can wait until next week it must not be TOO serious. Maybe that is a good sign. Possible.Well...I don't know. Son came with me to visit my brother who is ill after cancer surgery and now had a mini stroke. So on the way home he's opening up to me and says the teacher has said things like he is sending up flags, and if his behavior continues she will send him to the school psychologist. He says this stems from him being in a "team" or group of younger students that he does not want to work with but has been assigned and because he doesn't participate she tells him he is a loner. (He is not) I still see rebellion and normal teenage issues. He hasn't sent up any "flags" at home but it did put another knot in my stomach just the same to hear that a teacher said that to him. We have an appt. with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an ADHD evaluation so I will talk to her about it and ask her if she sees any instability so I can put my mind at rest.

Too much on my plate...

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