New Stock Market
Terms:
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO -
Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing
an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET
- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance,
the wife gets no
jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of
buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my
financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a
nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your
stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy
stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for 0 per share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the
sucker who bought Yahoo at 0 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT - An
archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased 00 worth of
shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have .00
today.
If you had purchased
00 worth of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have .00
today.
If you had purchased
00 worth of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have
But---- if you had purchased 00 worth of beer one year ago,
drank all the beer,
then turned in the
cans for a recycling refund, you will have received 4.00.
Based on the
above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle.
It's called the '401-Keg.'
Those are so good lol! (and so true - even in aussieland :( )
LorraineDo you have some new government officer terms?401 Keg! Now that's some practical investing advice!
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