anyone have the experience where your mate gets mad at YOU for your RA instead of being mutually mad AT it? Mine just did that and I hear that is a really bad sign. Now trust me, I havent been an angel to him either, my anger at his treatment of me has been bad... he pushes my buttons so bad that I go nuts... but when he disses my disease it really crosses a line with me that I cant even express. Do you guys know that line? He was the one that really helped me with it and the other diseases. He has one himself, but that doesnt matter. He was so good about it and then gradually seemed to get mad at it and me for it... even called twice after picking up my prescriptions to complain about the cost when he knows I feel so bad about that... you all know how many meds we have to take and fill constantly. I dont like it either and I have to take them all! I think I have lost the only one that was good about my situation... my family still doesnt understand and not many do as we all know well. Anyone else in a situation like this? It sucks since I do love him and dont want him to ditch me, but I dont want to be treated badly. I guess I have to lose my house or go so into debt just to survive now... he may be gone for good now. We were so active and met at a race we were doing... and then did sports together unill I couldnt anymore. I think he wants someone fit and healthy. He just turned 40 too and has really changed. Anyone relate?
Pepper, I think this is one of the most difficult aspects of RA. It is hard enough for us to make our rds understand. I think it is even difficult to express how we feel to other ra sufferers. Helping our family members understand and not feeling less than what we were before ra is very debilitating.
I have had similar problems with my husband. One moment I think he "totally gets it" and the next - he feels distant and resentful. I have been diagnosed for a year and only recently I can tell that he is really missing the "old me". We were also very active and my lack of activity makes it difficult for us to find "common ground" and is also hard on my self esteem. His resentment does not make coping with ra any easier. I try to understand.
All I can tell you is ra not only effects you, it effects your entire family. Use the boards for support and try to communicate as much as possible with your husband. I am in the same boat, but not giving up.
Since I know ra and relationships and life in general has its up and downs - I hope today is a better day for you. Just remember - it is not your fault you have ra and don't let ra rob you of your self esteem.
Take care.
My hubby actually gave me a card saying how he had taken his stress out on me and that it wasnt fair. I was amazed. I think he gets as scared as I do at times. He has been better. I guess I should be thanking him for all the years of great support... he needs a break from work and me! We both could use a break and a vacation... its been so long!
Well, thanks again for your time and thoughts.