Am i starting the path to death? | Arthritis Information

 

wow how different a weeks makes.  Got Fibro diagnosos a week ago, started on lyrica, cymbalta, along with my other 8 RX drugs, but the emotional effect has been dramatic.  I feel like i have just started the road to death.  My son had his 9th birthdat this weekend which was fun, but is seam like ALL the conditions of RA and Fibro are hitting me.  have  a real bad sinus infection that put me in the emergency roon friday night.  i have tremors and nobody PC ar RH can explain, this may sound crazy but i making peace with the world.  just wrote a note to my grandma who died 20 years ago,m about things we did together.  I am in US and all parents and family are in UK,  i cannot hold a long conversation with my mother any more, she is 80, in terrible health all we have to talk about is health and i have always feared dying befor my parents and now it seam to be a reality.  I do think that with all the drugs i have on hand i could just finish it all any day.  My kids are the only reason i don't but when i can only walk half their spead, i cannot play ball with them, or run arround with the dog and them.  i think that my insurance will put them through almost any college they chose and thats far more than what i can offer them alive....I think you're overreacting but I have to say I have been there myself. I am sorry you are going through such a lot all at once, but it doesn't mean that the doctors won't be able to get it all under control. It might take a while, but there are treatments out there.

You will be fine, have hope for the future!  Things can and will change, they always do.  I have had some of these feelings myself.  Maybe it's not a bad thing to write letters to our loved ones whenever we can, and live every day to its fullest.  Many people have death creep up on them and don't have everything in order.  But the way your post ends..I am sure your children would NEVER think that way, and you should find a therapist or someone to talk to about how you are feeling, ASAP.  And feel free to post and post here as much as you need.  We are here to support you!  Sometimes meds like cymbalta can cause depression and suicidal thoughts. Please contact your doctor immediately!
You love your babies and you don't want to leave them without a mommy. What you are feeling is very, very normal. And it's valid.

Most of us with severe RA plus have stood at the edge of 'that dark abyss' and wondered if it was worth going on?

You may not realize this but depression goes up and down with our pain levels. It's not clinical but environmental in relation to pain.

Also, anxiety and pain is also normal because we can feel so overwhelmed.

Plus, I would say you are still grieving the losses that this disease has brought into your life.

And to top it off, you poor love, you have a sinus infection. Sinus infections can make you feel super down and depressed.

So first things first...take care of you gently right now. Only do one little thing at a time. Slow deep breathing helps a lot. And start focusing on what you CAN do with your kids.

Kids don't care so much about what you can 'do' as much as how much you love them and spend time with them.

You hang in there for them.
Please talk to your dr. about these feelings.  They are very valid-you are facing a chronic disease.  But, there is hope.  I have a young child(5) and often become very overwhelmed and depressed regarding the can/can't do.  But, I can love him, I can support him.  That is what he needs. PLEASE call your dr NOW.. yes today now at night at home...or go to the ER NOW I agree with the others - please get some help ASAP! Many of these drugs can have psychiatric adverse reactions. The good news is - it is treatable! Much hugs to you Clufus. I know what you are going thru.

 

I agree with the others.

Clufus.. Clufus, we are all thinking of you. When you come back on the board would you please let us know you are alright. We are all worried and praying for you.

Those kids need you, dearest, whether you think they do or not and they do NOT care that you can't do certain stuff with them. I am in the same position. I can't do physical things with my girl so I first, make sure through school and sport that she gets enough physical activity without me. Second, I just focus on what I can do with her...which is a lot. We are both artists so we often do that together or watch dvd's, eat popcorn and laugh ourselves silly or play Uno, Snap or Snakes and Ladders. And I read to her tons.

I so hope your okay. I really do. There are prayers coming your way from many of us. Please realise you are not alone. We are all prepared to walk beside you.


I have tremors and nobody PC or RH can explain

I've got this and first noticed it when I got RA.
I have mentioned this several times to the Docs and at all times have been told that it is not connected to RA or the medications.
Although things are not as bad as they once were, I still have them on a daily basis, even having a shower I notice the tremors in my legs.
Having a shave in the mornings must look funny as I sometimes have to use the other hand as a steadier.

The Docs say that I suffer from anxiety and may need another tablet to help.

I might as well talk to the fairies for all the notice they take.
If having a shower causes anxiety then I am in trouble because there are a lot more things to cope with than having a shower.

This RA thingy seems to affect a lot more than we are told.

You are not alone, we have all been through this door that you face and we have opened it to find that we can cope.
Hang in there, it does get better.
Bodak2009-03-31 14:47:10I'm sorry things are all hitting at once and so hard to begin with....but things will get better. Things are always so much harder in the beginning.....even if the pain becomes worse over the years....the early years are the worst. Prayers have been going up for you clufus- sorry I'm late in a written response. Hope you are in a better mind set. We're all here for you-please let us know how you are. Clufus, Please don't talk like that. You have children that need you. I think it is the meds that make you feel so bad. I have RA & Fibro and I am in pain all the time. My body will not take the meds for the RA all I can take is predisone 20mg. And I'll tell you it don't even touch the pain I have. But I think of my daughter having Cancer she is only 36 and been going thru H-ll with her chemo and trying to take care of her 3 year old son. So then I think to myself I can get thru the bad days. And I had plenty already. So girl please when you  think of  of dying  Please Please think of the children. They would be lost with out there Mom. I know how you feel but like I said the kids need your surpport. They know there Mom is sick and I am sure they understand. When I go to see my grandchildren I can't even pick them up. You take care now and I hope this will help you. JoanClufus,

You aren't starting on "the path to death". You started on that path the day you were born. You have just been enlightened. I think that all of us with a chronic illness have felt the same way as you. I remember thinking how living my life was not "living" anymore and that I could just end it. Strange, all of a sudden I became ill with a disease that could very well take my life and all of a sudden my thoughts turned from suicide to tears and anguish on trying to continue to live. Life is strange, very strange.

LEV
go to emergency room right now. i would feel better if you were evaluated, side effects from meds can be very serious. just go right now...don't even hesitate. pleaseClufus,
I am so sorry for your pain.  Do please go to the hospital.  I hope you let us know how you are soon... we are all here for you.
I really don't think you need to rush off to the ER. I think that advise is far over used. i got a sample bottle of cymbalta just to try and see if it would help.  i took 1 pill one morning and was frozen for the rest of the day.  it was the worst feeling ever.  i could not sleep.  i could not move.  i was just miserable.  i never took another one and i threw away the rest of the samples.  that was an evil drug for me,  alot of people get great results with it so hang in there.  sometimes the doctor will let you play around with your drugs and you will find what works for you.   best wishes and i hope you are already getting relief.  w.w.I get a bit of the tremors sometimes when I have swelling. Also you are stronger then you think you are. It is a normal process to get blue about having RA. How long have you been on the Cymbalta? Some times antideppresants effect people adversaly. Suicidle thoughts are one of those possible side effects. Everyone is different.  So keep an eye on yourself. Have your loved ones keep an eye on your mental health also. We are here for you. It gets out right deppressing when you can not move around and do the things you want. Also the pain can get just intolerable sometimes. Let us know how the meds are working for you. That is they take time to fully kick in. Well, i am still alive!  not feeling much better.  Saw a therapist in person, (i have a work program where i have been working with them on the phone),  she demanded that i make a DR appointment which i did, his thoughts are that i need to see a phychiatrist to control my happy pill combinations as he is not comfortable mixing them.  I have cymbalta and ativan at the moment and they are talking about adding another.  all 3 obviously gave the recomendation to not drink.  and all gave the recomendation to take a leave of absence from work while my mental state improves.  luckily again i have a company that is supportive and looks like they will give me STD while i am off.  Oh and as for the tremours.  my PCP found a contradiction between cymbalta and ultram as they are both serotonin inducers.  came of ultram and tremours have cleared up, just means that i have to take twice as much vicodin.  so those are the good things.  But i still have not had more than 2 hours sleep at any time in the last week, i have been off work since wednesday, have seen the therapist but am still at a loss as to how this is going to get better.  pain levels are way up from both RA and Fibro not being at work is showing me just what a struggle it is to do my job, and how somedays i attend but litteraly sit at my desk and do nothing.  And i am convinced that this latest downward spiral was impacted by the stress of implememnting a new project at work, that just took too much out of me mentally and physically.  My shingles are back on my finger and butt, another sign of being worn out.  Remicade due on Tuesday hope that gives a little releif. but its 6:15am and the only thing stopping me pouring a gin and grapefruit is that i have promised my daughter i will attend her waxworks display at school this morning.  Only other thging i have really done was to cut off comunications with Ex wife as after 6 years still does not get any of this and continues to add significantly to my stress levels with her stupid comments and constantly expecting me to solve her problems, so there is some releif there.  Well i guess we will see how this week goes, the pharmacy at the request of my PCP are only dishing out my dangerous meds in one week ata time supplies, (allegedly for my safety), didn't know they could do that.  i was also put on a 911 register that will get them to send an EMS immediatly if they get a call from my home or cell and then it hangs up, another interesting program, but one you would rather not be on, but these were concessions i had to make to keep the Dr from having me admitted to hospital for observation.  And i didn't want the kids to have to deal with that.  well my fingers hurt like hell after all this typing i'm off to lie downI'm glad you got some help.  I've been down in the depths of despair - words can't describe it.  I had to go on temporary disability from work for a couple of months because I just couldn't function.  Hang in there - you WILL get better (even though it may not seem possible right now). Clufus- good job- you are staying strong! You are putting one foot in front of the other and doing what you have to do. I will pray for your continued strength and healing.Keep up the good work. this was good to read!!  keep it up!!Thanks for all the support.  another sleepless night ahead as normal.  i even though i could not really afford it installed web cams at mine and my wifes house.  talking and seeing my daughter is a bigger pick me up than i expected.  i recomend them to anyone that has distant family.I'm so glad you got some help!! Hang in there and know we are all thinking of you. Many gentle hugs. Stay strong and chin up! Please continue to give us updates. We're concerned about you, hun.
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