Dealing with depression | Arthritis Information

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It seems like there have been a lot of forum members struggling with depression lately.  I thought it  might be helpful to start a thread to share how we deal with depression...spread some light on a dark subject that we all face from time to time.  I certainly have had some dark days and nights.

 
For me the first step is to find a way to express what I'm feeling...to get it out in the open.  That can mean a lot of different things for people; we all express ourselves differently.  The important thing for me is to expose the feelings so I can see them and not just say that I'm depressed.  I think that is especially difficult for men but still very important.  As some of you already know, I right poems to express my darkest feelings.  I included an example below from a time when I was feeling very lost and desperate.  I always try to find some light and hope at the end.  Perhaps others could share how they deal with these deep emotions.
 
alan
 

Despair and Illumination

By Alan Duncan

 

I cried, wet tears embracing pain,

A flowing sheet of drowning rain

That dripped through my soul’s hollow spaces,

Distorting images of anguished faces.

 

I sighed, echoing deep emptiness,

A fleeting plea of helplessness

That surged, a wave crashing on the shore

Of my aching soul, empty and poor.

 

I stared aimlessly at a darkened wall,

Enshrouded in the mist of a funeral pall,

Blurring the raw edges of my soul’s existence,

A dark shadow that kills resistance.

 

I whispered, an endless litany,

A stream of wrongs invoking sympathy

For sleepless nights and wasted years,

My soul drowning in a pool of fears.

 

I dreamed, pursued by twisted shapes

Of vampire spirits in dark black capes,

Sucking my soul, purged of life’s fluids,

Shriveled remnants of pagans and druids.

 

I prayed, for divine intervention,

Grasping for a promised redemption

To lift my soul from a bottomless pit

That consumed my sanity and arid wit.

 

I breathed, expelling dusty, dry air,

My lungs empty, a surging flare

Inflamed my soul to search for hope

As dark despair and fear elope.

 

Sitting alone, entombed by the dark night,

Dripping despair silenced by the sight

Of grey shadows deepening to black,

Blanketing my soul from front to back.

I sat waiting, straining to pierce the dark,

My soul pensive, anxious to embark

On a journey out of darkness to light,

A sanctuary of peace, illumination bright.

 

The morning dew dampened the barren ground,

Wind whispering through autumn leaves, a solemn sound

That cracked the dark veil,

Revealing the dawning light so pale.

 

I rose to greet the rising sun,

Arms stretched wide, a plea to come

Into the warmth of bathing light

That burned away the dying night.

 

O ecstasy of illumination,

Filling my soul with anticipation,

Fed by the darkness, exercised by fear,

Drained of shadows as grace draws near.

 

I've been there too, Alan.  Your incredible poetry so beautifully captures the essence of that which you write.  Thank you for sharing your gift, your experiences, and as always, the light you bring with your words.
Best always,
-Joy
OMG Alan- that is the best you've written yet! You spoke my heart- I am left speechless. Alan, that could have been written by Job or David. Suffering is timeless.

I have struggled with depression, including a failed suicide attempt. I now rely on medication, zoloft, because I have found it useless to fight my genetics any longer. I also rely on my faith in God and the belief that He will never leave me alone in my despair.

Thanks for your kind words!

For me, dealing with depression is like breathing.  First you breathe out, expelling the dark feelings of frustration, anger, fear, hopelessness, anxiety...whatever is plaguing your soul.  I have to find a way to get it all out and expose it to the light before I can breathe in, inhalling all the reasons I cherish life, a cool breeze on a warm summer day, the enthusiastic greeting I receive evey day from Joey (my Jack Russell Terrier), my wife's warm embrace, my son's laughter,...and now the wonderful smile of my new daughter in law, a gift of grace and mercy. (...and maybe a grandchild sometime soon)  Sometimes it's difficult to breather, easier to just stop, but it's worth it!
 
Alan
This is a great post Alan and your Summarization of the little things in life that help to keep us afloat at times, like a smile from your new daughter in law.
You also mention  your Jack Russell. For me it was a Toy Poodle that helped drag me back up the ladder.

I also have my photography and you your poetry.
I can really feel the emotion as I read your words for I have been there.
Keep up the good work Alan.

PS: I have also been on a bit of a slump but there is always someone else to lift.
Wow, Alan that was awesome. God has definately gifted you with an ability to craft beautiful words. They definately touched me. I know I have seen the beginnings of depression trying sneek into my life since RA. Thank you for sharing with us. God bless. Alan you certainly have a wonderful talent.  Sorry that you have to "know" depression that well to be able to write about it.
 
I have had depression for years and one evening my husband said that I should do like he does, just wake up happy and make my day good...as if I "caused" my own depression.  I was so angry immediately and started to cry.  Then I stopped crying and told him that I was not going to be angry about his comments, but I was happy to know that he had never experienced depression or he would have never said such a thing and that I would never want to have him experience depression like I had. 
 
Sadly, years later he was diagnosed with depression and he then admitted that he had been unable to understand what depression was that night when he made that comment to me. 
 
Thankfully we both keep our depression under control (most of the time) with Zoloft and Effexor. 
I am sorry that any of you have walked those dark halls with me.....  I am not depressed, but have been there..
 
I hope you all continue to express yourselves and use this place as a point to reach out for help.....  we all do care.
I come from a family of depressives (unaknowledged till very late in life for some of them). I was married to someone who told me to choose to feel better and believed that I wanted to feel lousy. He blamed RA on my need to be sick, and refused to come to the dr's with me to learn about what I was going through. He'd give me books like "Heal YOurself" and "It's In Your Head" etc. Talk about tough! He has since moved on to younger, healthier women, and luckily I found prozac. Life changer. No more heavy lows, even with the RA. I truly wish I took it earlier in life -- but I was stubbbbbbboooooorrrrn that no med would change my personality. All it has done is remove my lows and give me a chance to feel happy and normal, all the time. I still deal with depressive thoughts sometimes (about this disease, mostly) and get normal blues (monthly!) but it is NOTHING like what I went through years ago w/o the meds. I am only writing this to encourage any other stubborn folks out there (you know who you are) to give it a try. My other coping strategies involve caring for other creatures. I love animals and thrive on laughing with my pugs, parrots, cat, and maltese. Keeping them clean, healthy, and exercised keeps me busy and gives me something in the moment to respond to beyond my own feelings. Besides, my parrot wolf whistles at me daily which does wonders for my ego. Best, everyone. [QUOTE=aropple] Besides, my parrot wolf whistles at me daily which does wonders for my ego. Best, everyone. [/QUOTE]
 
Again Stephen, a very beautiful image.Fantastic once again Stephen!! Thanks Teed and Pam, It really is an important subject to be discussing and Alan has really put his heart to task in helping highlight a silent and sometimes deadly condition. Bodak2009-04-07 16:39:01
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