RA sex and marriage | Arthritis Information

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6mths ago I would have thought you were totally crazy if told that this topic would be a issue for me…

 

6mths ago I was relatively pain free and on zero medication

Now in pain most of the time, and on more prescriptions than a 70 year old

 

6mths ago I had a sex drive and the words “the kids are sleeping” was all I needed to get me into the mood

Now my “libido limo” has left without me, gone on a leisurely trip and do not know when it will be back

 

6mths ago my marriage was clearly defined, he the bread-winner and me the CEO of Domestic Relations

Now my marriage is in havoc, he is both mom and dad on bad days, and I just left feeling like a dependent rather then a partner.

 

Will it ever be like it was 6mths ago…???

Are you in the onset of RA or in a flare?

I felt like you at onset and thought it was permanent but it wasn't. Things are much, much, better.

Best of luck to you!
Pain does that to libido
 
 but there are a ton of things you can do.. believe me I know
 
 First thing, TALK to your DH.. you dont have to be "in the mood " always to have a satisfying relationship.  Maybe  slow gentle carresses that  make you relax and help the pain go away would get you more receptive.  I've found that there were times that even though I wasnt in the mood when we started I got there pretty quickly after a slow gentle start.
 
Are there any positions that might feel better.  would he be satisfied with less than full intercourse?  Please dont get offended but would mutual self pleasure work.. what about giving and recieving oral?
 
 Take a realistic look around and see if he really has to do as much as it seems. Are you guys perfectionists about the house?  read Flylady  you dont have to be perfect and  there isnt a time line on housework.  How old are the kids? can they help?
 
Are you on any medications yet? 
 
I hate "planning sex"  but say telling him that after a nice relaxing bath  on whatever night you guys could at the very least cuddle and fondle each other.. for me (and I can not believe this) the cuddling has become more important and more satisfying. my libido is still here but I simply can NOT get into the positions anymore but  I still want to feel his body next to mine.
 
good luck
 
pm me for more if you need to.
 
 
 
 

Jill,

With a good rheumatologist and some time, your disease will be put in check with todays meds hopefully. I'm not sure you'll be able to play Tarzan and Jan but then, you never really know. We have a very serious disease. Probably the first thing you need to do is understand the seriousness of our disease. You and your husband and extended families need to know just how very serious rheumatoid arthritis is and Jill, it is a very, very serious disease. At this time it is probably better to be concerned with the disease rather than worry about swinging thru the trees.
 
LEV
Sex? What is that?
 
It does get better the more controlled your RA is.
 
Now, if you are like me... it is not so much the pain that takes the fun out of it all. It is more like my body will not allow me to do things just for that activity. Before my RA got worse, I has positions I could not do, it bothered me to no end. Because I wanted to be able to provide my hubby with all that he thought would be fun to try. Fun for him, not so fun for me. Now... my knees and jaw (kissing) will not allow me to do much of anything I know my hubby loves and enjoys. It is pittiful to be 30 yrs old and have a very limited sex life.
 
I hope things get better for you. And your meds will help improve your situtation.
joonie2009-05-03 16:48:00Now's the time when you'll find out what he's really made of. If he's a diamond you'll become closer, I've seen some beautiful marriages where the husband supports his wife who has severe RA damage.YES IT CAN!!
Once your RD gets your disease and pain under control, things can/will return to "normal." Research all you can about RA and share the info with your husband. Ask lots of questions and know we're here to support you cause we've been through it, are going through it or will possibly be through it in the future. Try not to feel guilty when you need help. That's always easier said than done, I know. Your hubby pledged to love you through sickness and health and although times may get rough, he should stand by your side. Make sure he goes to your appointments with you - it helps. Also, check out http://butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf. Like Lev said, this is a very serious disease. It's going to be a challenge, but you can learn to handle this and make changes in your life where need be. Kathy had a lot of wonderful suggestions. I'm sure you'll be able to find your groove again soon. Hope you have a superfantastic and extra-comfortable evening! *gentle hugs*
 
PS - Welcome to the boat! ;)
During those times when I was not doing well RA-wise, some Vicodin or tramadol and a cup of coffee went a long way towards relaxing muscles, relieving discomfort and giving me a boost of energy (all issues with getting "in the mood" if you know what I mean).

You all made me cry....

BUT gave me hope....
 
Thank you!

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