1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for
the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me
alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you
aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5.. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead,
try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all
day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again,
it was probably well worth it..
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.
12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind
screen..
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14.. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of
that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.
Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your
lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on
our ass .... then things just keep getting worse.
20.. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
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