POLL: contemplate | Arthritis Information

 

Have you ever thought of putting an end to yourself because of the pain & problems of RA?

 

 

Before anyone goes off on saying I need mental therapy,  would like to state that it is not all the time, it is just when I am not doing well.

 

Mine is more of to put myself out of my misery and to keep from burdening my family.

 

When Iam doing well, I do not think about it at all, and love life. If I do think of it, it is that I think of how stupid it was of me to think of such a think to do to my family and myself.

Joonie, I think it is natural to feel so depressed when everything hurts.  I also feel like a burden to my family, especially when I am in pain.  I do feel, however, that  having persistent, strong thoughts of ending one's life should be a red flag to reaching out for help. 

I feel like I am in a struggle for life when I am in pain, and I feel my life is worth fighting for... every minute of it.  I fight not only for myself, but for my family as well.  I can't help but feel a really big challenge is looming in my near future, and you can take it to the bank, I will be fighting for each breath, every heartbeat, tooth and claw!

I don't think it is stupid for you to think of such a thing, only that it is a consequence of your pain and I understand.  I know, in my heart of hearts, you would never cause your family this sort of agony.  I know, if the pull of this to you was great, you would seek help because you would be thinking of your family first.  I know these things because you are strong, even in pain.

Blessings and hums, Joonie, I walk with you!

nope...... never And if you are contemplating it...even if only when things are bad you need to make sure you get help.  It means you have to be more agressive about getting your disease under control (and frankly the amt of time you are spending wasting your time with the low dose of remicade could be better spent on a better med for you), actually taking the meds that are prescribed..if I recall you still haven't started the plaquenil you were prescrined to take taking your pain meds on a timely and more effective schedule getting into physical therapy to maximize your physical abilities etc.  In other words Joonie you need to actually start taking control of your health.  If you need to speak to a a counseler who specializes in chronic disease then you need to make an apptI tell my hubby when I think about it. He listens to me and then he replies back with his thoughts on it. It is not that I keep the thought to myself, I do tell hubby every time it pops into my head. Which is not often wen I think about it. I believe the last time I was not doing so well, which was the months before my remicade was upped that is when I though about about it more than I had since 2005. Understanding perfectly well that you do not want to hear it, I am going to say it again: At 30, you should not be burdened with issues of growing up with RA, nor should you be shrouded in self-esteem and self-worth issues nor contemplating suicide even when your disease is at its worst.

I urge you, from my heart, to seek counseling from someone trained to assist you with overcoming all these burdensome issues: please.

With concern, ShugI am working on it all. It just takes time, because I have to depend on others for where I need to go and I have to take their schedules into consideration when I make my appts. Right now MIL is in between semesters and I have to wait to see what her schedule is going to be like. I was also waiting for daughter to start school back, one less kid to tend with and son acts better when she is not around.

I'm with buckeye....  Never have I thought about taking my life because of the pain and the debilitating ways of this disease.......  It's made me feel badly... upset that I couldn't take proper care of myself or my family.....  but I never thought of taking my life..

I hope that you do seek professional counsel..... It's best to speak to a person outside your immediate life.. objectively they can help you.....  good luckAbsolutely not. I love life -- and if it is very painful at times, so be it. I want to live and do what i can.I had those thoughts, very strong thoughts during onset. However with what was going on I think it would have been abnormal not to have those thoughts. The pain was horrific in 12 hr. cycles always all through the long night where I sat alone, terrified and miserable. I was doing everything the doctors told me and instead of getting well I was spiraling down. They didn't even know for sure what was wrong with me. People here acted like I was a burden. I was afraid to tell my doctor how I was feeling because she was very resistant to giving me adequate pain meds. I thought if I told her she would further with hold them thinking I would take the whole bottle. Ha! I could not open the damn bottle so that wouldn't have been a possibility anyway.
If things hadn't changed I would have seen a counselor. When I got a little better I got tough and onery- RA was not going to kick my butt. I think we with RA would benefit from a counselor regardless- not only for something serious like wanting to take your life.... Having a chronic illness comes with a lot of emotional issues. I wonder if you can find a counselor that would do phone sessions Joonie?
No. Never. I am working on it all. It just takes time, because I have to depend on others for where I need to go and I have to take their schedules into consideration when I make my appts. Right now MIL is in between semesters and I have to wait to see what her schedule is going to be like. I was also waiting for daughter to start school back, one less kid to tend with and son acts better when she is not around. [/QUOTE]
While I understand, and to a degree sympathize, about being dependent on others, I guess that I am simply more selfish and self-centered and self-concerned that are you: I would find a way to get the help I need, whether PT, OT, or counselling by any means necessary. I would find someone to sit with the children, make arrangements for transportation whatever it took to do so, and take care of me first.

Sometimes being selfish is the best way to be selfless. Sometimes what we call consideration for others is merely an excuse for inaction. Sometimes postponing what should be done, what needs to be done, and what must be done is a shrewd way of seeking attention.

As my husband recently pointed out to me, when one person in a household is seriously ill everyone in the house is affected. He then told me of his experience with my chronic illness. I will be as selfish and self-concerned in a way that keeps my symptoms limited, that increases the quality of my life every day, not just occasionally, and I will be as self-centered as it takes to keep his suffering to a minimum.
 
To being aggressive and to taking control!

Edited in an attempt to correct extraneous formatting...
[/QUOTE] and when the time comes experience will show that you will come up with new excuses why you can't make your health a priority. Joonie you need to look within yourself to answer the question of why you make so many excuses.  Do what you need to do to get your drivers license to become more independent.  Accomodations are made for disabilities.  It seems to be that you are just lazy and seeking attention. Never because of illness.. Hey there June, Im sorry you are experiencing some depressing thoughts. Wanting to end your life for what ever reason is frightening.  Yes you do need to see a counsellor and maybe you can find one that comes to your home, maybe some one through the church...thats a start. Any thoughts of suicide can become a reality. My sister tried to take her own life a few years ago due to a violent marriage..with help she is now independant, working and very happy..you have to ask for help. I know you dont like to but its a necessity. Your Children need you, you need you . I know if i told my husBAnd i had these thoughts he would have dragged me off to see the dr, was your husband concerned when you told him? I agree with everything that is said.  I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you aren't doing anything to make concrete changes.  You probably need to be on an antidepressant too.  As a disabled person, you have transportation options, most likely child care, etc.  You can make the change, but you have to want to.  Right now, you don't seem to want to.  You have been doing this for as long as I have been on this board, which is a couple of years.  It is time to move on and do what is within YOUR abilities to help yourself.  Yes...I am embarrassed to admit it.  When I was 14 weeks pregnant, my husband had an affair and left.  Those were very scary times for me.  RA spiraled wwaaayyyy out of control during the whole pregnancy. I didn't know how I would be able to raise a baby by myself.  My now ex was also very hateful near the end-calling my crippled and useless.  This also happened at the start of the summer so there was no paycheck and no daily interaction with others.  Luckily,  I have wonderful friends and family.  My RD even called me weekly during my pregnancy to see how I was doing.  Nobody new how depressed I truly became.  My mom was sucidal when I was growing up and spent a few months receiving inpatient therapy.  I had always sworn that I would never be like that.  I guess, I'm more worried about dieing, when I get down, I alway fight my way back to top even as a child  I worried about tomorrow, joonie fight, get help.  You have a husband and kids to worry about, what would your kids do without you?  Your state of mind can effect the way you feel,  If you can think about the happy times, you'll feel better.[QUOTE=rocckyd] [/QUOTE]