I haven't been on the board much lately as it seems in the last couple of weeks all heck broke loose at my house. I missed all the happenings here and was not able to wish Waddie the best before her surgery. So miserable about not being able to do that for her.
Anyways I need some support, advice, to vent, etc. All of the above mostly. Some of you know of the stuggles I go through because of my husband. I have been married 26 years most of them have been wonderful but these last few have been a nightmare for me. To much stuff to mention but today was the last straw. My husband accused me of lying about the RA. How I couldn't have pain in my hands if I could pick up my little Shih Tzu. (he hates that dog and I am forced to keep the dog outside) He said how could my hands and shoulders hurt if I could do that. I tried to explain to him about how RA affects a person but he just wouldn't listen. Straight out called me a liar. My marriage is so over it isn't funny. I get so depressed as I am now. I can take so many things from him but to be called a liar about having an illness is just the last straw. Why would anyone want to fake having an illness; especially something like RA is beyond me. Well maybe I should stop buying the meds then if it's all a lie. What the heck kind of life is this.
Sorry for the ramble , rant, vent post but I know someone on here will lend me an ear.
Thanks I cried for a good bit and it helped some but I am still in a desperate spot and don't know just how to get out. Thanks for listening you don't know just how much it means to me.
Ask him if he really thinks your insurance company would spend 00/month or so on enbrel if there's nothing wrong...
[QUOTE=SnowOwl]Mom, Waddie has a lot of support, and I know she feels it and knows how blessed she is as she goes through her present health situation.
Boy, I agree with Stephen. Pummel, then insult. Mom2three, I am so sad for you. There's always a way out, but I am sure it's hard to see right now. You might feel better once you accept that he's obviously not going to be there for you, and seek support elsewhere. Don't doubt yourself, and do whatever you have to in order to get better and accept the situation as it is. Your quote about trials and seeing what we are made of also applies to spouses without RA. Your husband has shown his true colors, and they're ugly.
Best wishes.
One of the nasty things about RA is that because of it's life shattering and life changing nature, it reveals the commitment level of those people we are in relation to as patients.
Sometimes, it can simply mean that a spouse is grieving for all the changes that have come with their partner's illness. Of course, this is completely valid, although not always easy for the partner with RA.
Unfortunately though, the presence of RA in our lives, often reveals the level of real commitment to us simply by the pressure that RA adds to our lives and families.
Masks which easily stayed in place before now slip off and crash to the floor. No longer can someone, not fully committed to a partnership, keep up the smiling faces that hide the truth behind them.
This is a nightmare to someone just dxed with RA, as they are already dealing with the impact of this disease in their lives and then they are also having to deal with their marriage, partnership breaking down.
The 'in sickness and in health' bit is truly tested repeatedly.
My RA revealed my ex husband's lack of real committment to our life together. I have also lost several friends along the way, including a friend who had RA herself.
I can't say whether your RA is revealing your husband's real level of commitment to your enduring marriage. It's like it might be though and I know how very tough that can be.
I truly hope for you that this is simply your husband working through his own adjustment and grieving process. Time will tell and you will know.
If it's the worst you could hope for, trust me, you are going to be okay. I actually found having a uncooperative, stressful spouse around, improved my health rather than the opposite. Now, 3 1/2 years on, I wouldn't take him back for an instant. My life is so much richer without him.
Remember in all this, your first priority is your own self care and then your children. Focus on that and the situation with hubby will unfold in due course. It might be devastating for a while but you will and can make it through even that.
You are not alone. Many of us have experienced similar situations. Please reach out for support during this time as it is for exactly this purpose that we come together in the first place to support each other.
I am sorry as well. I wish there was something I could do to help you out.
Anyways thanks everyone for just being here and listening and sharing your thoughts and advice you can't know just how much it has helped me.
My best wishes for a speedy resolution to your current domestic situation. Please be kind to yourself and find those moments of peace in the chaos.
You are a strong woman who does not need a man to survive. If this is his way he does not respect you and should be kicked to th curb. I understand the thouht of raising your children by yourself is daunting but if you stay what are you teaching them? If you have girls you will teach them it normal to let a man teat them that way, if you have boys they will learn it okay to treat their wives that way. My mom was in a very bad marriage and when she finally kicked my father out I said "finally". I was 9. You deserve the best , let us know how you are doing. [QUOTE=Cordelia]
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">One of the nasty things about RA is that because of it's life shattering and life changing nature, it reveals the commitment level of those people we are in relation to as patients.Sometimes, it can simply mean that a spouse is grieving for all the changes that have come with their partner's illness. Of course, this is completely valid, although not always easy for the partner with RA. Unfortunately though, the presence of RA in our lives, often reveals the level of real commitment to us simply by the pressure that RA adds to our lives and families. Masks which easily stayed in place before now slip off and crash to the floor. No longer can someone, not fully committed to a partnership, keep up the smiling faces that hide the truth behind them. This is a nightmare to someone just dxed with RA, as they are already dealing with the impact of this disease in their lives and then they are also having to deal with their marriage, partnership breaking down.The 'in sickness and in health' bit is truly tested repeatedly.My RA revealed my ex husband's lack of real committment to our life together. I have also lost several friends along the way, including a friend who had RA herself. I can't say whether your RA is revealing your husband's real level of commitment to your enduring marriage. It's like it might be though and I know how very tough that can be. I truly hope for you that this is simply your husband working through his own adjustment and grieving process. Time will tell and you will know. If it's the worst you could hope for, trust me, you are going to be okay. I actually found having a uncooperative, stressful spouse around, improved my health rather than the opposite. Now, 3 1/2 years on, I wouldn't take him back for an instant. My life is so much richer without him. Remember in all this, your first priority is your own self care and then your children. Focus on that and the situation with hubby will unfold in due course. It might be devastating for a while but you will and can make it through even that. You are not alone. Many of us have experienced similar situations. Please reach out for support during this time as it is for exactly this purpose that we come together in the first place to support each other.
[/QUOTE]
Well stated.
Unless your husband wants to talk about it, or seek professional counseling, there is not much you can do. It sounds like he is angry. I hope you can sit him down and talk about ways to deal with your RA. If not, you may be better off getting out of this relationship as it could make your RA worse with all the stress that you are under. Keep us posted. Huggs.
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