dealing with anxiety | Arthritis Information
Do you ever get that sick feeling in your stomach, thinking too much of what the future might bring, despairing that life will ever be like it was... Struggling with a chronic illness brings with it a lot of anxiety and fear. I occasionally have to deal with anxiety attacks and it can be very tough to break the cycle and regain a positive attitude. I was struggling earlier this week and wrote this poem to help get the feelings to the surface and out into the open...sort of an artistic form of venting. Anyway, I thought I would share the poem. It might resonate with some of your own struggles. Feeling fine today...off to San Francisco tomorrow for a short concert with the orchestra. I hope you all have a great day!
Alan
A Foul Odor of Fear
By Alan Duncan
(copyright 2009)
A foul odor of fear, penetrating grey matter
Like a rotten, sulfurous egg on a platter
Of raw emotions; choking brimstone churns
While a sizzling sliver of yesterday’s hope burns.
The scattered mind rushes forth, seeking a consummation
Of troubled dreams, sparking an illumination
That spawns scurrying shadows on a darkened wall
Where blood stained knees scrape and crawl.
A red tainted rage of incandescent turmoil
Heats a seething froth of fluid emotion to boil,
Evaporating inhibitions that hold back the night,
A pallid dark pallet of anxiety and fright.
Hush, and hear the salvation spirit that seeks
The safety of solitude where chaos speaks,
A place where tight tensioned knots uncoil
To the twisting touch of innocent toil.
Listen to pleading voices of sanity
That break the endless loop of a manic entity,
Seeking to destroy and demonize
The gentle fabric of love entangled lives.
Rest now, breathlessly breathing a solitude
That scrubs the stain off an angry attitude,
Polishing to a saintly white glow
The soul’s caverns where whispering winds blow.
A foul odor of fear dissipates into the night,
Scurrying behind a clinging cloud of fright;
A bright light dawns, spawning a halo of hope,
That suffocates despair with a golden glowing rope.
What a lovely way to transcend negativity in your mind and body into beauty for a purpose. Hope the orchestra made you float away into a sea of calm waters and comfort.
Teenee
I don't know about a sick feeling in the stomach, more like a thick blanket of cloud that stretches into the night with no respite at first light.
Uncanny that you bring this up at this time.
Out of the blue last night I was hit by what could be loosely termed a panic attack.
I know not from where it came but it decided to stay a few hours before wandering off into that thick cloudy sky.
Weird experience.
Hope your concert goes well Alan
"...like a think blanket of cloud that stretches into the night.
With no respite at first light."
Before you know it, you'll become a poet!
I've never had a full blown panic attack, but I do hate that sickly anxious feeling...like everything is out of control.
Teenee: We're performing the "Toy Symphony" at a church service...should be fun!
Alan
[QUOTE=Alan]Do you ever get that sick feeling in your stomach, thinking too much of what the future might bring, despairing that life will ever be like it was...
Struggling with a chronic illness brings with it a lot of anxiety and fear.[/quote]
Alan, that is a masterful
bit of understatement
Thank you Alan. I experienced my first panic attack this past summer when I was diagnosed with asthma. Couldn't breathe = panic. Love your poem.Alan, sounds like we share a common faith. Hebrews: 11:1 "Faith is the substance of things hoped, the evidence of things not seen." Keep writing and let the love of music flow through your heart in Psalms. So comforting, isn't it? Teenee...I just got back from SF. Our performance was at a hispanic church in the Mission district. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. The Toy Symphony is a lot of fun to play. I'm so thankful my fingers still work...at least, most of the time.
Alan
Always love your poetry Alan. This one to me speaks more of how I feel when angered than when in a panic. Although fear and anger walk hand in hand I think.
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