I hope you slept on it, WW.
Much & Many hugs to you.
Wonderwoman - I went back to some posts, found a reply you sent to Bob who was feeling the same as you are right now (pasted below) Please find someone to talk to, what you are wishing for is not an answer. I hope today is a brighter day.
Well, nothing could have been further from the truth. It changed my life. She survived, and
I started laying awake nights to make sure she was breathing. I thought it was my fault.
If I had been nicer,etc.
I don't think people realize their value or what a tremendous impact their death will have on others.
I really ask you to reconsider and look at the options other have mentioned.
my cousins daughter is here with me today and has suffered severe depression since her teens and has tried to end her life for a number of reasons.
Shes has come from a home where no one cared for her, her mother hared her and her father mentally abused her, she had a car accident a few years ago and is in constant pain from a back injury, she eventually had enough.
Now though she is so thankful that her attempts at taking her life didnt happen , her life has turned a corner and things are so good for her.
She said please talk to someone, a doctor is a good idea, make them listen to how you really feel, and be totally honest. This will be the first tiny step to changing your mind..
Talk to them.
Talk, please.
WW, I am going to say something a little different from the others..
I HAVE been in the hell where you are. I have made 3 serious suicide attempts beginnning at age 11. I understand the physical and psychic pain that could lead to suicide.
I am only alive today because the closet rod broke when I was 11, the pills didn't work when I was 15 and I saw something as I was in the act at age 20 that stopped me cold.
However those things didn't stop the pain or the ideation.. So I developed a coping mechanism that I used for many years, maybe 28 years or so..
When I was at my lowest, seriously thinking about suicide, I would tell myself, " You can do it tomorrow. just get through today.. You have things you MUST do for the kids sake"
There was always that hope of tomorrow, if I still felt that bad, whell, I could say, "do it tomorrow" ( kind of like the red queen in Alice in WOnderland.."Jam tomorrow or jam yesterday, but NEVER jam today."
I also advise talking to someone, a national suicide help line, or someone near you like a priest or even a high school guidance counselor.
I really don't want you to do this, its a permanent soultion to a temporary problem or feeling.
And last but not least it really would devastate your family.. Your children would carry the same kind of psychic pain you now feel with them through the rest of their lives. Your H would suffer tremendous guilt.. And they all would feel great anger, mixed with sorrow, competing emotions that would never leave them.. How can they be so angry with Mommy when they are so sad she is gone? Its very confusing.
Feel free to IM me.
I want you to have some hope.
Wonderwoman - I'm new to the forum since you stepped out so I don't know anything about you except that you are right now deeply depressed and despondent. All of the messages here show me that many know and love you and do not want you to take your life from them and from those in your personal life. This is a group designed to provide each of us with support and understanding. We all know how devastating these diseases are and how painful. I've been fighting a major flare for two weeks and sometimes just have to sit down and cry. What keeps me going every day is thinking about what tomorrow will bring - the sun will shine again! There will be a tomorrow and the tomorrows after that. I keep pictures of my darling grandchildren in various places in my home and in my office. All I have to do is look at one of their smiling faces to know that I want many, many tomorrows, even if I am in pain, even if my joints get deformed form RA, even if I'm way overweight from steroids, even if anything! Many here have suggested you find someone nearby that you can talk with. I'm a licensed clinical social worker and would recommend you look up one in your area. We are trained to help people deal with problems of living, be that illness, marriage or work stresses, etc. A LCSW is usually covered by medical insurance, some take Medicare or Medicaid. Their hourly fees tend to be less than a psychiatrist or psychologist. If you need an antidepressant medication, they can refer you to someone for that. Some even work in an office with a psychiatrist or advanced nurse practitioner who can prescribe. At the very least, Susan (I think someone shared that that is your name), please talk with us. The great thing about this board is that there is virtually always someone somewhere awake and reading. We can help! Please reconsider the direction you were taking last night. My best to you. WonderWoman,
Thank you for being so honest. Your message is a cry for help. Please check out this link and call the number. Promise you'll do this. Please?
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433
Whether you decide to use a psychologist, psychiatrist, LCSW, or MFT, know that any of them can help you. Most insurance plans will cover most of their charges, and if there's no insurance and money is an issue, most will work on a sliding scale.
But you have to call.
Feel free to send me a PM - I'm here to talk to.
Wonderwoman, I dont know you but that does not matter. I wanted to say that yours is a cry for help, we all know that. Please, Please, Please get some help ASAP. My Uncle committed suicide, he has missed out on so much life. He has missed out on his 3 sons's lives, seeing them become men, he has missed on being a grandfather. Missed out seeing his mother turn 100 years old! There is far too much to post that he has missed, all because he gave up, please be brave, don't give up,
Lori
Please check in and let us know that you are ok. We care....Yes, please check in!I'm not good at the touchy-feely stuff but I can offer a hug.
My closest friend lives everyday wondering if there was something she could have done to save her sister's life. That is a much bigger burden than caring for someone with RA. You are such a sweet and gentle woman, you would never want to leave your family with that kind of pain.
I also survived a suicide attempt. I am so glad I did. Please get some help for yourself dear lady. Wonderwoman, I know it feels that way at times, but you are not alone. Pain isolates us, our RA isolates us. Our pain is something we can't describe easily, even to those closest to us, so we just stop trying. It begins to feel like a burden for others to us... a bother.
But, its really not a burden. Those that love us want to help, to share your problems. I would guess that there are many close to you who care, because I have read how you support others here and I can't imagine otherwise. You are so compassionate and caring. Please share your pain, give yourself a gift and find the words you need to share with others how you feel.
Please talk to someone. We are all here, waiting for you...
Wonderwoman~I'm real sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. As you can see; there are so many of your friends here that are honestly worried about you.
There is only one reason that suicide would be a good idea and that's if your greatest wish in life is to punish those that have loved and cared for you for so long. As other have already pointed out; that's a horrible way to leave your family and it would have life long consequences that could change the course of things for so many you care about. I don't really know much about you.....but I doubt you want that. Please get some help. Life is a gift; even when it doesn't feel like it.
Please post. We're obviously worried that we haven't heard from you after you posted this original message.
Does anybody have any contact info for WW? If so, please check in and let us know how she is. I pm'ed Ernest...for what it was worth to ask if he could contact WW, as I feel that as the site owner he could have that info. Whether he will do anything is another story[QUOTE=Mrs Pincushion]I pm'ed Ernest...for what it was worth to ask if he could contact WW, as I feel that as the site owner he could have that info. Whether he will do anything is another story[/QUOTE]
Hmmm ... I was wondering why so many horrible attacks and troll posts are permitted to stay up.
Has anyone heard from WonderWoman? I felt like doing the same Monday night, I hope she was able to work herself out of it. I'm quite concerned.
I'm worried, too, Tara. I keep coming here and checking to see if she's posted and there's still nothing.
WW, please let us know you're ok! We are here for you!!
Why would she have a smiley face next to her post?
There is a year between the joining date and WW last post..Please wonderwoman can you let us know if you are ok. I would hate to think you had been planning this for a year...talk to us xx
WW,
Sorry you find yourself in such a place. I hope you reach out to someone and they help you through this troubled time.
Lisa
(edited: I made a mistake)
#1inflamedOnline2009-11-18 21:15:46Wonderwoman, how are you feeling today?WonderWoman,
What ever your decision, I hope it brings you peace. I have enjoyed much of the time we spent together here and appreciate(d) your support. I actually bought a large framed WonderWoman stamp at the post office after one of your posts. It was on sale and I small time collect stamps.
LEV
Since this sad thread has not been commented on after Levlarry's insensitive and callous post..I am bumping it.
I hope all is well Wonderwoman and that you have come out of that dark place into some light. There are many here who care about you so please come let us know all is OK.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Lyn
You all complain about Lev and how he behaves and then do crap like this....It wasn't necessary. No wonder the board is always in an upheavel.
[QUOTE=LyndeeNZ]Since this sad thread has not been commented on after Levlarry's insensitive and callous post..I am bumping it.
I hope all is well Wonderwoman and that you have come out of that dark place into some light. There are many here who care about you so please come let us know all is OK.
{{{{HUGS}}}} Lyn
[/QUOTE] Phats...Did you step up and call him on his post? As I said in an earlier post....this board was getting along just fine, nice and quiet and who should show up and start trouble again? I do believe it was the January 8th he drug up or maybe it was the Nov/07 one.
TeedOff2009-11-23 16:50:14Wonderwoman, how are you?
Nobody has heard from her yet? I hope she is well and just decided it was not worth it.
Woderwoman's post has really hit me hard. Why is life like this for some? Granted pain is something we live with almost constantly be it emotional or physical. I try to look on a different side. Of The people that are terminal...That are on the verge of passing. I watched a new movie My Sister's Keeper, cried my eyes out for this fiction 15 year old that had cancer.
Wonderwoman hang in there , find a new doctor, I have hope for you and for the rest of us that someday we will all be pain free from this disease. God Bless you WonderWoman, I look at this thread everyday in the hopes of seeing a response from you saying you made it through this crisis. I, and I know many others, are keeping vigil for you.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hope is out here for you and people care!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
[QUOTE=LyndeeNZ]Since this sad thread has not been commented on after Levlarry's insensitive and callous post..I am bumping it.
Let us know how you're doing.
Hope you're having a superfantastic and extra-comfortable evening!Hey Everybody,
I am here. Do not feel good but none the less I am here. Thanksgiving was good. Not too stressful I paced myself. Please keep praying for me. And just for everyone's info - I like Lev. Thanks for thinking of me at the post office ;-) I am flustrated with how little I can do now and I am losing interest in everything. Soonest I can get into my doctor is the end of February. I went to the gyno and he wouldnt give me anything without the RA's o'k. That was awhile ago not this month. I have a big trip the first full week in December my son is graduating Basic School for the Marine Corps as an Officer. I am concerned with how I am going to make it. It is a week long trip. I am usually good for 3 hours on a good day. Thank you all for caring.....
P.S. havent been on a real trip in 8 yearsIt is so good to hear from you. I am glad you had a good Thanksgiving, it is one of my favorite holidays. That is great news about your son. As I have said before, I have the utmost respect for our armed services(I'm a formal military brat). Marines huh....almost as good as my Navy upbringing :) Seriously though, good for him and great for you! It takes a special mom to raise a military officer.
Prayers always...please remember that we care about you. Call your RD and mention your concerns about the road trip. Maybe a quick pred pack or injection? I know we hate the pred, but this is a very special occasion.
Take care girlie...
rocckyd2009-11-28 20:38:29Wonderwoman, I am so glad to hear from you!
I am so glad to hear from you! Please let your RD know you need help. Enjoy your trip
YAY!! WonderWoman!! I glad to hear from you!
I hope you fair well on your up coming trip and glad to hear you made it thru another holiday. One more Holiday and we will be thru for another year!
Much & Many hugs to you!
HI Wonderwoman, what a fantastic way to start the new week, knowing you are ok, thank God, please keep safe and pace yourself where possible. God Bless from Janie. Don't forget to reach out when you need to. Hugs Janie.
Thanks so much for checking in. The trip may be tiring for you, but think how proud you'll be when you see your son graduate. That can be your focus to get you through it. Can you call your RD or your primary and get in earlier? I would hope that if they knew how you were feeling that they'd make room for you. Please do call and be persistent.
Keep in touch and let us support you when you're feeling down.
Cathy
hi ww believe it or not the trip is what you might need! My son graduated basic training and we went daylong drive up nonstop but to stretch got there slept really well cause was so tired. was excited to see him and I think the adrenaline helped I felt somewhat good while gone just couldnt do a lot of walking but had a blast and a good cry from missing him and being proud. So i think this is what you need.Have fun use a wheel chair for all the extra walking and just enjoy the time with your son. It may be the spirit lift you need!!!!!!!!!!! Have funPrayers for a good trip. It is a hard road that we travel. I hope that your pain can be treated. Thanks for checking in. Many prayers and well wishes for you.Please know that there are many many people thinking of you. I am so glad that you checked in. God Bless.Good to see you've posted WW. Hope you have a nice trip.Hey Everybody,
I am here. Do not feel good but none the less I am here. Thanksgiving was good. Not too stressful I paced myself. Please keep praying for me. And just for everyone's info - I like Lev. Thanks for thinking of me at the post office ;-) I am flustrated with how little I can do now and I am losing interest in everything. Soonest I can get into my doctor is the end of February. I went to the gyno and he wouldnt give me anything without the RA's o'k. That was awhile ago not this month. I have a big trip the first full week in December my son is graduating Basic School for the Marine Corps as an Officer. I am concerned with how I am going to make it. It is a week long trip. I am usually good for 3 hours on a good day. Thank you all for caring.....
It is so good to see you!!!! I want to run right over and give you a big hug!
I'm glad to hear your Thanksgiving went well. Did you have sweet potato pie? Don't feel bad if you didn't... I didn't either! hehe ;) Pacing yourself probably helped a lot to relieve some of the stress that makes RA freak out. Sometimes you just have to take it slow; there is nothing wrong with that! Don't worry about how little you can do - take pride in all you can do. I have mini-celebrations when I manage to accomplish more than I had planned and on days when I miss the mark, I figure it will be there tomorrow. ;)
Hmm, Feb for the doc? Call them back and see if you can get on the cancellation list. Better yet, be pushy. (Sometimes it's fun!) Have you tried explaining the situation to them? It might help get you in sooner.
WOW!! Your son - the Marine (and an Officer at that!) How proud you must be! This trip is exactly what you need, especially since you haven't gone anywhere in so long. It's going to be such a wonderful experience watching your son graduate and think of all the awesome memories you will make. Be proactive in making yourself as comfortable as possible - rest when required. Take advantage of a wheelchair or electric cart if it is available. You'd be surprised how much energy they help you save so you're able to do other things. :) Are you on pred? Maybe one of those burst and tapers would be helpful. Your son, a Marine! I'm so excited for you and this trip! *happy dance*
Hope you have a superfantastic and extra-comfortable day!
WW,
Thanks for the plug. You probably lost 25% of the "good wishes". Maybe you can find another set of Doctors? My rheumatoid arthritis is so much better witht the rituxan. I know that back in "the day" I seriously condsidered suicide. the pain was a total happiness killer and without happiness, there was no reason for living. Now that the ra is so well controled, I'm afraid I am going to die. I send you good wishes and a wish for a miracle. From my relatives and friends thanks to you and your family for the service to our country that your son is giving.
LEV
Hey Guys
It is me again! This week I have been planning a wedding!!!! It was a surprise! My son is getting married on December 22nd, 2009. My soon to be daughter in law and I have been very busy!!!!! They want to be together before he goes to war. His next school is Infantry Officer's School. Please continue to pray for me, this week was a killer and I have not even started the trip..... Nor have I begun to get ready for it. And forget Christmas. I just hope I make it thru his graduation (2 day car ride) each way and his wedding which will be here in town. Pray my husband doesnt hate me before we get done. Thank you all for caring so much for me! WW,
I will continue to pray for you to have the strength to get through all of this, but look all of the IMPROTANT things YOU are NEEDED for!!! You are obviously so needed by you son and what an exciting time. Stay strong sweetie, and we are all here for you for the not so strong times.
reegie
Wow a wedding! How wonderful! These are the moments that make us happy to alive.
I will keep praying for you. The Wedding was beautiful and perfect. and small. We packed them up to live 3 months in VA and soon after Infantry Officer Graduation they will be headed to 29 palms Ca. They will pass thru here Easter weekend. My daughter moved back home the beginning of February she is daddy's princess. Need I say more! We have had 2 fights so far. I may get my own apartment out of the deal if we cannot get along but we are all working on working together right now. She is trying to save her money and she and her boyfriend want to be accountable for their behavior (little harder to miss behave with mom and dad here) they are very strong Christians. I have not felt well. I do not feel well. I am hanging on to hope of a new drug if it does not work suicide is still not ruled out. I feel like the Lord will forgive me. I just want to make sure I take enough to kill me. My husband would be thrilled to have his freedom and my kids do not care about an old fumbling idiot. My husband has always said 1st thing he would do is buy a Harley Davidson MotorCycle if I died and ride ahead of the hearse! More power to him! I am trying to decide if I should host a party for the newlyweds when they get here because they had such a small wedding.... they need presents It would be alot for me to do but they would have 2 cars to fill up because the rest the military moved. We also Have a wedding in Atlanta, GA on March 27th. Doing all this without meds may prove to be difficult. Any insight is appreciated?????Hi WW,
If I may may a few suggestions. I know that there was a time when I believed that life wasn't worth living because of the constant pain. Suicide certainly wasn't ruled out. There is no happiness when there is so much pain. Anyway, during my Doctors" path of getting my ra and it's pains under control, I discovered the miracles of prednisone. Prednisone when it was first introduced was called the "get up and dance drug" because even though those totally crippled, given a high enough dose, could get up and dance. Well, it wasn't long before they started calling the drug the "get up and dance to your grave drug". The body just couldn't take the high doses, 100-150 mgs. None the less, probably many of those cripples were thankful for those months of pain free life. In my 3 plus years of RA, I have found a friend in prednisone. One of my RA doctors actually said that I have an addiction to prednisone. None the less, not one of my doctors tried to regulate my regulating of my prednisone. As my pain went up, so did my prednisone. As my pain went down, so did my prednisone. The lowest I got was 8mg on enbrel and that's along with 25mg a week of mtx. The 8mg was for a short time only and my average was 15mg a week, running as high as 25 mgs a day. All my Doctors knew that I was regulating my prednisone and never lectured me about it. I have had no problems with the prednisone and they do constantly monitor for pred related problems. Anyway, with the RITUXAN, I am down to 6mgs of prednisone and nothing else. I have a hard time weaning at this point from the prednisone which I was told will take some time. I came down from 20-25mgs down to 8mgs in less than 6 months from the RITUXAN, imagine that and am now walking two miles a day and actually shedding some of my spare tire. Sooooo, hopefully the RITUXAN will work well for you also. Keep in mind that it will probably take at least 6 months for a real good effect. I think that now we get a infusion every 6 months whether we need it or not. And one more suggestion. Since you have 6 months to a year to reap the full benifits of the RITUXAN, start hoarding that money. Get his Harley money and stash it away and when you are feeling good, make a break. Let him keep his Princess. Get your own apartment and a Lexus. You can then be the Queen and the King. I will never stay with anyone that treats me bad. I'd rather be alone. Anyway, I probably lost you along my long post but what I was trying to say is that you should regulate your pain with prednisone until the RITUXAN kills off enough B cells. Trust me, it'll feel so good.
LEV
no lev, i always love your posts particularly that you bought my stamp. i hope it holds a place of honor likeon the lid of the toilet tank.
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com