OT: What do you do? | Arthritis Information

 

What do you do when you receive shocking information about someone close to you and don't know how to process it? I guess process is the word. I'm not sure how else to explain it. I'm referring to the type of information that leaves you in disbelief; that changes how you view someone and interact with them.

What does your gut tell you ? To puke.   Not necessarily helpful... (me puking) CO_Mel2009-11-23 17:15:29Is it possible to confront the person to get to the bottom of it.

I treat people the way I want to be treated irregardless of "information" or stories that I've been told about them.  If they're my friends and treat me as a friend with kindness then they'll continue being in my good graces until they prove otherwise.  Maybe these stories aren't true, have been exaggerated or have been passed onto you without confirmation of the details.  Don't judge a person based on what you've heard.  Sometimes that's hard to do, but if you value that person in your life then that's what you have to do.  Lindy

Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.Unfortunately, it's not one of those confrontational type issues that can be resolved by conversation. It's more like now that you know this, you feel numb? It changes how you view the person. I'm just not sure what to think... or how to be towards them. (I'm sorry I can't be more detailed about the situation. I know it probably makes giving advice difficult.)Treat them as you would like to be treated until they prove otherwise.  Act towards them as you've always acted.  They haven't done anything  to you; what you heard is second hand info.  Why should you act differently towards them?  LIf it is something so repulsive for instance like child abuse I would just have to cut them off, but if it doesn't or won't affect you & you dislike it but it isn't abhorant to you what difference does it make as long as they are a friend to you !! It wasn't secondhand information... this person told me themselves. I'm really not one for gossip. Mel...If you sleep on it or give it a bit of time, sometimes that is just what it needs.  Maybe then you can see it with clearer eyes.  I wish you luck with this as it is not always better to know.

I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and remind myself that I'm not walking in their shoes...

I guess it would depend on the kind of information.   If it was a moral issue I would encourage them to turn back from it.  I wouldn't support them in doing something that we both know is wrong.  Like, if a friend told me that they were having an affair and would not end it, I would end the friendship.  At least until they straightened out.I would just  give it time. I had this happen several years ago. An adult female relative accused her father of molesting her. To be completely honest, I am still after all these years not certtain. I'm sorry you had to be burdened with this kind of news. Hopefully this situation will bring a lot of growth, either in your relationship with this person, or in your life without them. you have some great advice above..... Since this person shared this information with you, they must feel pretty close to you too, and they must have felt that you could deal with it and not let it change your relationship. You may just have to eat it, if you want to remain their friend. I'd wait and see what your friends next move is, if they act like nothing is different, then maybe they just needed to tell somebody and as long as it's not against the law, then unfortunately for you, you're now the keeper of this information.It's nothing of an illegal nature. Just something that's difficult to put my head around. I'm working on it though and I'm hoping I can remain close to this person even with the change. Thank you, all, for your advice. :)[QUOTE=LinB]

I treat people the way I want to be treated irregardless of "information" or stories that I've been told about them.  If they're my friends and treat me as a friend with kindness then they'll continue being in my good graces until they prove otherwise.  Maybe these stories aren't true, have been exaggerated or have been passed onto you without confirmation of the details.  Don't judge a person based on what you've heard.  Sometimes that's hard to do, but if you value that person in your life then that's what you have to do.  Lindy

[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=CO_Mel]It wasn't secondhand information... this person told me themselves. I'm really not one for gossip. [/QUOTE]
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