Did I mention that I hate arthritis? | Arthritis Information

 

You start thinking about how random the flares are, like when my jaw blew up for a couple of weeks, and then, after 9 months of mostly not having to think about RA...right middle toe.  All messed up.  I am on mobic so not like a balloon but red and ouch.  Then we moved on to some shoulder burning, some unprecedented burning pain the elbows that made typing a real b*tch  loss of a bit of the ROM I had gotten back in my wrists.  Oh and some lovely burning pain in my hip joints (inside). 

 

Oh, and I hadn't put drops in my eyes in months, and need those again.  I was thinking I was dehydrated at work when this all started until I realized dry mouth was back.  Big old disgusting sounding pops in my neck when I move it around.  The ache in the knees on the stairs. 

 

And, oh, I lost about 10 pounds once I stopped exercising. I figure that is RA for you, right?  I had really wanted to lose those 10 pounds the proper way, but I'm glad the darn things are gone.  For years I have been going around saying, "I need to swim again. I was never as light as when I swam."  Then I was thinking, that was when I was in college, and my feet were so bad, I not only had to stop my daily runs, but walking was painful too.  Yeah, I think that was RA.  When I was first dx with RA, I weighed in with 122 with clothes, which is LIGHT for me.  No wonder I guess.

 

I had to space Humira out 3 weeks, twice in a row, and that had some to do with it, also the fricking COLD.  My knuckles are not happy

 

I am basically here because I am not good about not complaining.  I am not entirely intolerable, but I can't tell anyone at work about it (not good for career), I don't see my friends enough for them to really understand (we all have young kids and are busy), my sister doesn't quite get it, and my parents are starting too but still playing the silly game of "surely she got this from your side of the family!"  I wonder if they can see how helpful that is.

 

So I complain to my husband.  Way.  Too.  Much.  And realized I needed to direct some of it here, so I appreciate it! 

 

What else can I say?  My jaw is still messed up, and one is more swollen, it's obvious if you look but the pain level is low.  My wrists and fingers had been much better--not now.  Costo sucks.  Burning pain in shoulders suck.  I worry about my lower neck being involved.  All of this has been going on since I was like 15. 

 

I am coming to peace with it, not on a daily level, but big picture level.  I sit on the floor in a certain position for 5 minutes, get up, and hurt like I shouldn't at 31.  I am at peace with "I need to take fish oil the rest of my life" and "I will probably have a joint replacement" and "I will have to be creative about spending time with grandkids".  I don't see my life as being shortened by this, I'm not that bad and I'm optimistic, but my joints are not the joints of a 31 year old.  Just getting used to it all.  I am considering swimming in a warm pool again, but that takes driving and bringing a change of clothes, so I am considering Wii Fit.

 

So I'm just on Humira and Mobic now, plus Aciphex for my stomach, fish oil, trying to do a multivitamin. 

 

I forget how your moods just get all out of whack with RA too. What gives?  I hate flares.  This one sucks.  I did better with the jaw flare, psychologically, because people could see it and hell, I need some sympathy every now and again.  I am glad my boys are older (almost 3 and 5) so that is less of an issue, but holding that 3 year old just makes my elbows burn, burn, burn.  I do it when I can, and am not always this bad.

 

I have RD appt in a few weeks here.  He hasn't been really x-ray focused in the past.  I know I have erosions on my wrists and jaw.  One of my toes looks like it has a corn, but it's red, and I think it's swelling that had just been there a really long time. I can't feel my toes too well anyway.

 

What else can I say?  I am seeing a psychiatrist who is sort of crazy but very chatty and mostly supportive (sometimes pushes me too much), but I am working on self-esteem, keeping worry under contorl (Hallowell book), exercise and not getting panic attacks as I fall asleep like I did the last time i had an RA flare.  At least I have a frame of reference for them this time.  As panic attacks go, they are not that bad, just annoying and having to keep myself propped up emotionally so I don't let that take over.  Lack of sun probably not helping, I am going to try to take some Vitamin D too.  It was not too low last time but not super high either.

 

THANK YOU for letting me post here after not being here so long.  My husband will than you as well.  I just super really need this.  You are in control, hurting on stairs sometimes and a bit incapacitated, but doing alright, happy with meds, and BAM you are just a mess.  Getting back in routine of eyerdrops, trying to keep hands warm, battle off anxiety, not turn into a broken record of complaints because it's just 0 to 60 and I don't get to stop my normal life to rest and feel sorry for myself, so feeling sorry for myself becomes this long rant. :-)  I love my job and hope to keep it for years and years, but times like this are tough!  I can't be open about it.  Although, with my jaw and the time that I was limping so bad for several months, at least then you feel like someone cares a bit, because you can't hide it.

 

Blarg.  I will be fine, hopefully not b*tch to my husband about my knuckles and how they burn tonight, on account of this post.  I wrote way too much, and I really needed it.  Thanks!

I hate arthritis too!

 

((((((((((((((((((Katie)))))))))))))))))))))) sometimes a hug is all you can do...Hoping for better days for you.

 

Best to you,

Lisa

 

It was good to hear from you. Sorry for the circumstances. Your vents are always welcome. You have scream a little once in awhile. I also hate RA!

 

I hate that you are having such a rough time right now.  It's especially hard when you feel like there is nobody to vent too.  I try the cats and the dog, they just lick themselves and walk away...nice.

 

I hope the weekend provides some sort of relief.  Let us know how things are going.