For all Grandparents, active and future:
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the
watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times
before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave,
the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to
kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick
on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...
2. My young grandson called the other day
to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told
him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked,
"Did you start at 1?"
3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed
into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair..
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her
patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and
stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say
with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a
swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little
girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I
said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.
6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's
word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it
about?" he asked "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so
I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what
colour it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun
for me, so I continued.. At
last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should
try to figure out some of these, yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept
the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky
insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them
before I did, Billy whispered, "It's
no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with
flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied,
"I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."
>
10. A second grader came home from school and said to her
grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies
today..." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep
her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change the y to an i and
add 'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant,"
said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the
ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the
young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."
12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one
day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the
fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the
dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said
another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the
argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find
the fire hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said,
"she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.
Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the
airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things,
but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas
leaks, and they blame their dog.
Since we moved into our house 20 years ago we have had a woodpecker frequent one of our trees. (Now I don't know the lifespan of a woodpecker but I have a feeling maybe the one I am seeing is not the original) Anyhoo- he makes a trill noise when he shows up and I have always called out to him Hey Woody!!!!