i need help | Arthritis Information
I think i should explain my other posting first.
It's a letter i wrote to my boyfriend (7 years) in reaction to him telling me that I exagerate my pain and that I use it as an excuse not to do stuff. In my defense, I still do plenty! And the rare times of flare-ups I will limit myself.
Furthermore, the ultimatum I gave him was that he come to my rheumatologist appointment or leave.
My question to yall is this:
Did your diagnosis affect your relationship with your partner(husband, boyfriend, girlfriend etc.)?
And if so, how did you deal with it?
Please tell me there's hope. I love my boyfriend and I never could believe he could be so ignorant...
Hello VanDamm, I am sorry you are having relationship difficulties on top of your RA; dealing with one of these issues is enough of a life trial. I read the letter you posted and I am choosing to reply here because Snow's note to you is right on the money, and I hope you will take a few minutes to reread her reply.
In the definition of life, there is not one mention of change, yet to actually live life, there must be change.
Quote SnowOwl:
When partners are unwilling to accept change I have to ask why they
think they can control life, control their partner, control what
happens to either of them. Rigidity smells of fear, to me. And being
fearful doesn't prevent bad things from happening to good people. But
good people rise to the occasion, they grow up, they compromise, they
change their ways, they do what has to be done in order to keep the
people they love in their life. And if they don't, it's their loss and
it's time for the other person to move on to a healthier and happier
life without that anger and pain locking them into destructive patterns.A partnership is just that, two people working together. In a relationship, the working together thing has to be across the board or the partnership breaks down. This doesn't mean you must see eye to eye on every little thing, but you must know how to come to a consensus on the things that really matter to your relationship. That usually means compromise, but with something such as heath issue, there can be no compromise, only consensus.
You absolutely must do what is best for your health. The compromise comes in what you can do with your relationship to account for the change in your health. This might be best served by the way of counseling so that you have the buffer of a mediator to avoid the stresses of arguments.
All the best to you, VanDamm, I hope you will continue to come here for support.
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com