POWER
OUTAGE
At my recent assault trial, I
offered a plea of "Guilty with
an
explanation." The judge asked me
what my explanation was, so I told
my
story.
"Your
Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram
appointment,
which I actually
kept. I was met
with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky
clipboard
carrier
smiled from ear to ear,
tilted
her head to one side and crooned, 'All
I
need you to do is step into this
room
right here, strip to the waist,
then
slip on this gown.
Everything clear?' I'm thinking,
'Belinda, try
decaf.
This ain't rocket science.'
Belinda skipped away to prepare the
chamber
of
horrors.
With the
right side finished, Belinda flipped me
(literally) to the
left and said,
'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes
and
lean in a
tad so we can get
everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was
freezing,
bruised, and
out of air, so why not
use the
remaining circulation in my legs and
neck
and finish me off? My body
was in a holding pattern that defied
gravity
(with my other breast wedged
between those two 4 inch pieces of
square
glass) when we heard, then
felt a zap!
Complete darkness
and
the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is
working.
Bet they hit a snag.'
Belinda
said, and headed for the door.. 'Excuse
me!
You're not leaving me in this
vise
alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda
kept
going and said, 'Oh, you fussy
puppy...the door's wide open so
you'll
have the emergency hall
lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she
disappeared.
And that's exactly how
Bubba and
Earl,
maintenance men extraordinaire, found me
...
half-naked
with part of me
dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the
other
part smashed
between glass! After
exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going'
type
greeting,
Bubba (or possibly
Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I
knew
the power
was off. Trying to
disguise
my hysteria, I replied with as much
calmness
as
possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did
thanks.' 'You bet, take care'
Bubba
replied and waved good-bye as
though I'd been standing in the line at
the
grocery
store.
Two
hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing
a
sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to
suppress
her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo
sorry!'
The
power came back on and I totally
forgot
about you! And silly me, I went
to
lunch.
Are we upset?'
And that, Your
Honor, is exactly how her head ended up
between
the
clamps...."
The judge
could
hardly contain her laughter as she
said
'Case
Dismissed!!'..
---------------------------------
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