I'm not sure if it's just me or is there anyone else out there that has a husband that one minute is very supportive and the next minute telling you that the doctor doesn't know for sure that you have RA and he's just guessing?? I love my husband don't get me wrong but he's driving me crazy with this. I try to talk to him about it and he says that the doctor doesn't know for sure that it's RA because my test results came back negative. The doctor told me if they did come back that way it would mean I'm seronegative and it's RA.
My next problem is my next RA appointment is coming up in two weeks and I wanted to go alone. Last night my husband informed me he was going with me. I wanted time to ask my questions without my husband present to interrupt. Is that wrong?? I'm not sure why he wants to go but I thought after the inital appt. I would be on my own. I'm making a list to ask and I wanted to do it on my own.
Well enought venting for now, please let me know if this is normal. Do any of you have husbands that do this??
I don't have a husband, but I understand your desire to be alone with your doctor. My mother came to my appointment and she has RA for ten years, but I still wanted to do this on my own. She waited in the waiting room to be supportive.Jay,
Your husband sounds like he is reacting to your diagnosis a lot like how mine first reacted to my being diagnosed with RA.
My husband is one of those guys who has to "fix" anything that is broke. I often have a hard time venting to him about anything because he immediately gets the urge to go "fix" it. If he can't fix it, then he gets really frustrated and tells me that I must be mistaken. I chalk it up to it being a "male thing", kinda like not asking for directions when he is lost. (He won't do that either.
Anyway, over the past thirty years, I have found that all my docs have dealt with this kind of husband.
I always take my list of questions, especially when my husband goes. Sometimes, I think it makes me seem a little inept in that I need to whip out my list, but at least I get all my questions answered. Ultimately, it will be me who will go back time and again and have to make the decisions with the doc, so I make sure that I get my questions answered.
I think that you probably should let your husband go with you, but take your list and use it. Good luck and let us know how things go.
Pam
Maybe he's just hoping you don't have RA and that's why he's questioning things? As far as him going with you to your app't., it's not something that would bother me and if my husband wanted to go in with me that would be fine, but you need to do what YOU want. Just let him know how you feel.
Good Luck with your appointment
Kelly
Some men just like to be in control...of everything. I was a medical assistant for 15 years and I saw a lot of husbands like this. They were free to go in with the wife on the doctors terms. Shut up and listen! And then ask questions, that is after the wife and doctor had discussed everything. It seemed to work so perhaps more docs should do it that way.Jay~it might be good for your Husband to go with you and understand what seronegative means. I don't know.
I already had RA for many, many years when I met my present husband. He's everything to me and I charish his concern and compassion. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's the first person my RD nurse asks about when I go to the doctor. She'll say "How's that precious Husband of yours?" They kind of just humor him at this point. He asks silly questions.....and even called her once on his own when we were trying to get use to doing the injections. I was a little embarrashed but she said; "Your a lucky girl to have someone love you so much" I know she's right.
I've heard so many stories of husbands that could honestly care less....and some are down right cruel.
I do believe though if you want to go in to the appointment alone you certainly should have that option. You shouldn't be forced to have him in there if you truely object.
I was at the doctor's office today. An older guy came in behind me. TheYes, I agree. It would be different if you actually wanted him to go or you were having some sort of proceedure or an important discusion with your doctor that you wanted him in on....but to insist on going when that's not what you want? No, I don't think that's a good idea either.
Why exactly is he so anxious to go?
Fiona~That's really sad what you said about the little old man. Really sad
Since he thinks that it isn't RA the doctor can set him right. You can interrupt your husband with your questions should he get out of hand, but going to the dr. may help with how he sees things.
My husband is very supportive and comes to each visit with me.
Well I thought that his going with me would be okay and he did go for the first appointment. During the time we were talking to the doctor he decided to start telling the doctor some of his ailments... I got him back on track but I could tell he wasn't listening very well since he was sitting right there when the doctor explained that if the test results were negative that it would be seronegative.I do love my husband don't get me wrong but I kind of feel that he's using this as an excuse to get out of work instead of trying to find out what's going on. He keeps saying he just wants me fixed, like I'm broken and I tried to explain there is no fixing but he's like a broken record. I guess I should be gratefull that he wants to go whether it's to get out of work or out of concern. It could be worse he could care less and not even ask how I'm doing. Sorry everyone I guess I just needed to vent this morning out of frustration. I hope everyone has had a great day and thanks for all your feedback.That's what we're here for! I hope your mtg. with the doctor goes well,I SEEM TO HAVE CAUGHT THE IMPLICATION THAT THAT YOUR HUSBAND WS TRYING TO SPEAK WITH THE DOCTOR ABOUT HIS PROBLEMS? IF SO, AND YOU TAKE YOUR HUSBAND TO THE NEXT APPT. BEFORE THE DOC COMES IN, EXCUSE YOURSELF TO USE THE RESTROOM, TELL THE NURSE YOU WANT TIME ALONE WITH THE DOC AND ASK HER TO RELAY THIS TO HIM BEFORE HE COMES IN, MOST DOCTORS WILL ASK THE 3RD PARTY TO LEAVE SO HE CAN TALK WITH YOU, AS FAR AS YOUR HUSBAND TELLING HIS PROBLEMS, SUGGEST IF HE THINKS HE NEEDS MEDICAL EVALUATIONS AS WELL, TO MAKE AN APPT. THAT THIS IS YOUR TIME FOR YOUR ILLINESS.. GOOD LUCK
Jay-You made a comment about your having a list making you seem inept...as someone who is involed in patient care I can tell you that it is appreciated and respected by doctors and nurses when a pt is involved in their care. It shows that you have put a lot of thought into the visit and that you realize that the healthcare teams time is valuable as is yours. Look over the list while you wait for the doctor. When the doctor comes in, listen and WRITE down notes on things of importance. Then let the doc know that you have some additional questions. Go through the list and ask anything that was not already discussed and jot down the info. Before you go in, show your husband the list, ask him if there are any additional things he would like you to ask and add them to the (bottom of the) list. Also let him know that you do not want him to discuss his own ailments with the doc because you want to make sure that you have time to ask all of the things on the list. Besides, you can remind him that A. the doctor doesnt really care to hear it cause hes not getting paid to treat HIM and B. doctors can smell someone attempting to get a freebee a mile away. I know that sounds harsh, but it the reality of the situation and I have worked with doctors long enough to see their reaction...which is a polite smile and nod and then a speedy exit from the room. There are exceptions to every rule but it is too risky-you dont want to run the doc off before you get YOUR moneys worth out of the visit. Again, with the list...it really conveys the image of a person who is prepared and is very serious about the appointment. Dont ever feel bad about wanting to get all of your questions and concerns addressed.
I have not had my husband with me on my visits b/c he was at work. I did take my mom on my second visit. She doesnt really say anything during doctor visits (she has been with me for other types of appts in the past) she mostly just listens. I like having a second set of ears with me. I can ask her later about thing I may have forgotten, and she is a good sounding board. Also she is good for moral support.
There is always something about having someone with you that makes you feel less like cattle being shuffled from one room the next. (As healthcare workers) we dont mean to do it to our patients but some days, when it is real busy, it is hard to give personalized service to every person that comes through the door. Well--hope I was able to give you some tips and maybe a little bit of insight into the perspective of the care givers.
Thanks to all of you!
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