My gf used to sympathize with me and I felt like I was not alone. I guess she has been jaded by it all or something because it seems now no matter how sick or painful I am she does not seem to care. This makes me want to get out and see others but I do not drive and I'm often ill or in pain. Sometimes I just feel too out of it from meds to want to get in public or something.
My inner peace is not really there anymore. I'm trying to do what I know to do, and I'm trying to be patient. Part of the problem I think is my gf has been kind of abusive also- coming home and taking things out on me when I am very sick. I can never talk to her about myself and my health without her interrupting me about her day and her problems.
Sometimes I just want to leave but that isn't really possible right now. Normally if there was a problem before I would just walk away but now I can hobble for a while and need to sit.
The situation is making me very angry. My gf is a hothead too and that isn't helping things. Another thing that isn't helping is I feel like I have nothing to lose at this point. I understand I'm having depression and other things and I don't want to make any decisions that are not sound. Still I don't know what to do.Thanks for the reply SnowOwl. I just recently discovered support groups in my area that I plan to try. The gf and I have attempted to find couples counseling but it does not seem to be available to us through our insurance and we cannot afford it otherwise. My doctor is aware that she and I are having problems and that I am depressed.
I'm not active in my church really, and my family tends to avoid me. Actually I have never had any family visit me for the sake of visiting me since becoming sick.
Part of the problem is when my gf is home I try to sleep so that we won't see each other, but then my awake time is at night when no one else is up. I can change and I'm going to have to, but I cannot seem to get her to work on things, compromise, or even just be civil. The stress seems to be making my RA go through the roof. I know I have to leave her, and I'm going to begin to start working that direction, but it's tough to do when I feel this ill and medicated and I don't have anyone else to help.
Great advice Snow! I like the support group and church idea.
Sparky, I hope you find the help you need, and the peace in your life you deserve. You might even try different churches if you are not active or connect to anyone in your current church. Maybe look into some type of community involvement, something to get you out and around other people. I wish you the best.