loneliness | Arthritis Information
I am lonely. I spend alot of time alone and as I age my friends list is getting shorter. I got RA at 25. I am now 50. I try to let my husband do as many things as possible because right now I can be alone and take care of myself and of course my children now have lives of their own and do not live at home. How do I handle this? I tried a Bible study a few years ago and they kicked me out for missing more than 3 sessions even though they knew going in I had severe RA so this makes it hard for me to sign up for new things (what if I feel bad and cant make it?). I do not want to be kicked out again. Any suggestions? WonderwomanOh how sad! If you like bible study explain your last experience and that there will be times when you will not be able to attend. I would think they would understand. Best of luck! Keep you chin up:)Oh Man that is so sad that you were kicked out of bible study due to missing classes, does not sound right, I am sure Jesus does not approve , people can be so ridiculous! I have had RA since the the age of 34 and I am now about to turn 54, there are days when i can barely take a step without excrutiating pain, it is a major ordeal just getting out of bed and dressed. My friend-list is almost blank, soon as my R.A. became very evident one by one they just stopped calling and popping in for coffee, once in a while they face book me. It hurts because I truly thought they were my friends and cared, I guess as i become more messed up i have become undesirable even for some of my "Forever Friends have left me behind. As painful as this R.A. is I find the loss of friends very more painful, feel like giving up, so lonely....We used to have large family gatherings for Thanksgiving, my parents, my brother and his 5 kids. Now mom is gone, and a few years ago my brother's family and my family kinda split into forming our own independent family traditions; the kids get girlfriends, and the volume just grows and grows and get's too big to fit everyone around 1 table (an unbreakable rule in our tradition!). Parents used to alternate between us and them. Now my mom is gone, and 2 kids are grown one married, the other in college both far away.
We have been talking about inviting some service people over for Thanksgiving. There are Navy and Marine bases nearby who have some programs where we can invite a few guys/gals over for Thanksgiving. My parents did that for a few events when I was a kid, but it was college kids from the college in our town.
Roland
What about going to a nursing home. There are so many elderly people who would LOVE to have someone come by for a visit. You're lonley, they are lonely....getting together could be a fantastic idea. I think you'd come out of a visit feeling so good that you brightened someone elses day.
I find that the elderly have some of the best/most interesting stories to tell. You may even build some great friendships with a few people.
Hi, Wonderwoman! I am so sorry about your experience w/the bible study. I can only think that these people are unaware of what RA really is. Believe it or not, there are many out there who don't know the difference between RA and a little arthritis in one finger. That being said, I wouldn't give up on the idea of a small group bible study or book club, etc. The idea of visiting a nursing home is a great one. I go to the nursing home once a month to play music for the patients. I get more out of that experience than they do, I think. My mother-in-law volunteers at the hospital, but she doesn't have a chronic disease. You need to find something you can do if/when you are able. Please don't give up. I know there is something out there for you that will be mutually beneficial. Peace be with you, VBeing lonely is so sad. We have senior centers where we can go and they have lots to do and even serve lunch. I do believe that they will provide transportation as well. I understand that anyone over 50 is a senior citizen, so you do qualify if you have one in your area. You meet people who are also lonely and it leads to wonderful friendships. Let us know what you do, because we care. I think that the bible study group are hypocrites. They should have found out more about you and even provided transportation for you. The members could have taken turns to do that.
what about volunteering to read to kids down at the local elementary school? In my community we just started a program to bring volunteers in to read to or with the grade-school kids. There's also a group getting started to tutor the older kids in various subjects - anything from basic reading comprehension to chemistry, math, literature, etc.
Oh My-I could have written this! I still don't understand why friends give up on us. We still have feelings...I'm lonely also...Do you like to read? Check with your local bookstore and find out if they host reading groups. This is another area that can lead to friendships.
Do you have a local community college? Check out the catalog and take a class, even if it's just basket weaving, and take the class for no credit. This way you can skip as many classes as you like without being tossed out.
I like the idea of volunteering at a senior citizen's assisted living center. Nothing like being around people whose problems just might be worse than yours....you'll come away feeling so much better.
A friend of mine with RA volunteers at the hospital. She's the first person you see when you walk into the hospital. She gives you directions to where you need to go. Maybe it sounds like a ho-hum volunteer job, but she's busy.
When I read the original post it made me very sad. My mother got RA at age 36. Over the years she lost some of her friends as well. I never realized until reading your post how lonely she must have been. She couldn't drive or walk much so she couldn't go off with her girlfriends. When I married and moved away it bothered her a lot. In hindsight, she must have felt lonely without me around. I'm going to try my best to stay involved as much as possible with friends after reading your post. I can already see things changing in my own life because I can't go for long walks or shopping anymore. RA sure isn't just about twisted joints and pain.
I've made a lot of "cyber friends" reading blogs about topics of interest to me. Maybe you would enjoy something like that to keep you in touch with other people.
Dear Wonderwoman, debraJ and ithurts,
Now would be a good time for each of you to start a ra social club in your area. It would be easy to start and you would have more friends than you could ever imagine, friends that can relate to you and your many troubles and problems. I personally would not recomend any social volunteering, especially hospitals or schools and especially during the winter (flu and disease) season. Those little kids are loaded with germs and the hospital is loaded with diseases. I told my GP that I was thinking of volunteering at the local VA hospital. He said, "Larry, you won't even shake my hand for fear of diseases but you think that volunteering at a hospital filled with diseases is a good idea?" I told him that I would reconsider that "good idea". Of course this is all my opinion and two cents and yet it costs absolutely nothing, just pay shipping and handling. I wish that yous lived around me. I would take you on weekly scenic cruises and coffee shop stops. Anyway, be sure to get out and smile at people. Get out every day, even if it's trips and walks around Walmart just to be around people. Talk to people. Go for drives in the country, see all that God has made. Go down old country roads very little traveled so you can drive slow and look around. Listen to God talk with you. You will know God's voice, It's the voice that sounds like a loving Father speaking to the daughter that he very dearly loves. That's the voice to listen to. You don't need the bible study. God is real enough to speak directly to you. Listen.
LEV
Lev, is this really you speaking? Wonderful!!!!!
Go for drives in the country, see all that God has made. Go down
old country roads very little traveled so you can drive slow and look
around. Listen to God talk with you. You will know God's voice, It's the
voice that sounds like a loving Father speaking to the daughter that he
very dearly loves. That's the voice to listen to. You don't need the
bible study. God is real enough to speak directly to you. Listen.
Jello,
I'd ask you why you are so surprised but it would probably be better for me to ask you over coffee.
LEV
Lev, this is beautiful! I sang this song in Bible School and never forgot the words, so I sang right along with him. I know most of the Christen songs. The old Rugged Cross is one of my favorites. Did you say coffee? Time & place Lev.
Jello,
Hope you like this version, "How Great Thou Art"
My husband is 77 years old and he joined the Golden K Kiwanis. It's made up of older people and they do volunteer work. They meet once a week and have 2 banquets a year. He has made lots of friends and they understand when you can't come or when you can't help with some of the volunteer work.
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com