My husband | Arthritis Information

 

He has had RA since he was a teenager. He is almost resigned to the fact that "I am gonna die of cancer someday." I find his attitude disturbing. He's also horrible at taking care of himself. Whenever I suggest something that might help, like using a stress ball, he just dismisses me.

How can I help him? Will his attitude/lack of a real desire to help himself make the disease worse?
Not wanting to be an alarmist, I have a mate who's sister died of complications due to uncontrolled RA.
In this case she could not be bothered taking her medications or even going to the doctors.
I hope this is not the case with your husband..
[QUOTE=Bodak]Not wanting to be an alarmist, I have a mate who's sister died of complications due to uncontrolled RA.
In this case she could not be bothered taking her medications or even going to the doctors.
I hope this is not the case with your husband..
[/QUOTE]

No, he has taken medications in the past and is taking them now. But he did go for about a 5 year stretch without taking anything. And he seems resigned to the fact that he will never find a drug that works for him.
Hi, Margot. I am sorry about what you are going through with your husband. I am no doctor, but I do understand chronic pain. I wonder if your husband is depressed because he doesn't feel well. Is he in constant pain? Maybe he needs to see the doctor about a possible change in meds. He might be frustrated because his meds are not working for him. Just an idea. Best Wishes, VMargot,

[QUOTE=levlarry]Margot, Margo12, I have learned that you can't get a grown man to care about his health, or do anything about it.  Like Lev said, there comes a time when you are hurting yourself as much as he is hurting himself.  It took a lot of time, but I finally learned to stop taking responsibility on for another adult.  Make sure he knows you care and make YOURSELF realize that you can't do anything about him.  Everyone makes their own decisions about their own body, and they aren't all good decisions. Here's the deal:  you make an ultimatum and stick to it.Couldn't have said it better myself, Snow! what Jas said...... as usual... you speak with experience, wisdom and caring, Snow!! Snow, you prove my point.  Your husband came to understand reality and take care of himself after a crisis.  I wish it didn't have to come to that with mine, I am still hoping he'll see the light before something awful happens.  As you were there for your husband, I am there for mine.It took a long couple of years for the husband to come around and accept his new limitations after his heart attack.  It was frustrating and terrifying time for me; counseling helped.  Even if you can't get him to go see a therapist, you might want to seek one out for yourself.  He/she can help you gain some insight into your husband's issues, which in turn can help you help him. Yep, ours was a manly-man type too, which really helped put the husband at ease.  He specializes in helping people deal with chronic illness (either their own or a loved one).  We went once a week for a couple months.  A couple weeks it was just me, a couple weeks it was just him, and sometimes it was both of us.  I wouldn't hesitate to go again if needed.  The objective viewpoint definitely helped us both sort out our issues!!!

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