RA and sex with your spouse/partner.... | Arthritis Information

 

Okay so I have a question.... if you got or were diagnosed with RA after being with your spouse/significant other (as in, you didn't come into the relationship with it already)... how has it changed your sex life or romantic life? (for those of your willing to share of course)

The reason I ask is that my husband and I are, or were, in a "p/o/r/n free" relationship because religious wise, we chose to stay away from it for addiction reasons and how in some (not all) cases, it can destroy families - plus we have a 3 year old and she shouldn't be around it. Anyways I have recently found he is back into p/o/r/n (he was in it when single before we were married 6 years ago) and although its not him cheating on me, and its not the end of the world, it marks a SIGNIFICANT change in our personal relationship and makes me a bit sad to be honest. Mainly because he has been doing all of it behind my back and wasn't honest with me and I found out after the fact and then had to do the whole wife confrontation thing. We still have yet to "discuss" it because our daughter is here with us and awake so I don't know the extent to which this all goes. But of course its not just p/o/r/n... there is always more than just WATCHING p/o/r/n....

So I come and ask this question... what adjustments have you and your significant/other had to make in the bedroom/romantic area wise to work around your RA or what sacrifices or changes have you had to make?

To be honest, RA has made me less in the mood and if I am going through a flare, I have to list the body parts that can't be moved or touched (ex: left wrist, shoulder, fingers etc.) because they aren't functional or if they are touched or moved, what desire was there is *poof* gone. My husband was very accommodating at first but after years with RA things definitely change... it just does... not that I wish that they had but they do. Even though I am still "young" my priorities in life and desires and likes and dislikes (in general, not just sex wise) have changed since RA. I don't want "it" nearly as much as I used to. Not even half as much. I guess in a lot of ways to me its not worth the pain/hassle as horrible as that is to say but when its completely or nearly completely uncomfortable that's what happens. I will also say that they have not in the last 2-3 years been able to get me in remission with my RA so I have had more flares than not.  Alone that part of RA sucks but part of the reason for the flaring is the infections I get and get really sick on, then have to stop biologics and the restart them again in the vicious cycle.

Like I said, it could be worse, but in our personal relationship this is kind of a big deal... especially with the not being honest part.

It just sucks
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edited to fix censorship so you all knew what I was talking about!
abbyrhoades2011-03-05 22:14:40Interesting - you've had 30 views of your post and no reply yet.

(((abby)))

I had ra prior to marriage, but I did see how it changed our relationship.  At first, it didn't seem like a big deal.  But as time went on, it became a bigger issue.   Wow, Abby, there is more than one way to pleasure each other. Ask your Doc about this. I have heard pregnant women discuss this because of loss of libido,pain, etc.and they have come up with a solution that their Doc's mentioned. Please don't ask me what it is! lol
Men are animals!!!! Jello, [QUOTE=jello]Abby, there is more than one way to pleasure each other. Ask your Doc about this. I have heard pregnant women discuss this because of loss of libido,pain, etc.and they have come up with a solution that their Doc's mentioned. Please don't ask me what it is! lol
Men are animals!!!! [/QUOTE] Your story can be true of a lot of married women WITHOUT RA. I have had discussions with girlfriends and we have come to the conclusion that most married women need to feel love in order to want sex and that men need a sexual relationship with their wives before they can express love. I know there are a lot of exceptions here but this was our general consensus within our group.

I have always gone with the rule that you need to have sex at LEAST every 2 weeks no matter how bad you feel. Marriage needs intimacy and a sexual relationship can get that started.

As for the **, I am guessing this is referring to **? One of my perfectly healthy friends has a husband that gets into that and it TOTALLY affects their marriage. He'd rather masturbate to ** on his computer than sleep with his wife. So your husband needs to address that.

Hopefully you can get your RA under control enough to start enjoying sex again.Abby, Lev-

I had no idea you were so romantic. I like!
hessalina

After reading all these post I'm still confused on what the ** means. I feel Sex is an important part of a marriage.  If you would have asked me that about 3 years ago. I would have said sex isn't everything.  For men it is.  They are physcial Creatures. "No offense".. We women are emotional creatures.  I found out the hard way if you love them and as the man said before sweet talk and yes feed there ego they will respond.  I love my hubby but we were at a breaking point within our marriage and with counseling and communication we are more  intuned with each other.  I am blessed to have an understand husband who knows when I hurt and don't feel very well and like one other post there are other ways to please..

RA 14 years Wow... sorry I didn't realized it censored me!!!! lol... the ** was p/o/r/n.. apparently that word is blacklisted and I can see why for spamming purposes. I fixed it best I could in the main post.
abbyrhoades2011-03-05 22:16:57Hessalina,
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