Ties that Bind | Arthritis Information
I wrote this what seems a very long time ago in response to a very nasty attack on the Arthritis Forum board.
A very kind member wrote me an email about making choices.
It resonated with me then and I've always tried to follow that advice.
I think the time has come to share what I posted on the AF board during that time because it reminds me a lot of what is going on here now...
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Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."
When I first came this board, I was reluctant to post, so I lurked for about 3 months or so...Until was question about long term predinsone use. I posted a response that Anna disagreed with vehemently. I stuck my position, she stuck to hers...surprisely, we became friends. She still hasn't changed her view of long term prednisone use and neither have I....I made friends here because I've had several moments just like the one C. S. Lewis talks about in that quote. The feeling that you're not alone in this, that someone understands what you're going thru and most importantly...That there are people here who you can pour your heart out to and that will listen and not judge, because they have actually walked a lot of miles in those same shoes.
A new friend on this site emailed some encouraging words this weekend and they stuck in my head. In a nutshell she said that people make their own choices, and you can chose to be helpful or hurtful... I chose to be helpful and not hurtful...that was my intention in the beginnning when I started posting and those are my intentions now. I have made mistakes and responded sometimes out of anger and frustration. I'm not perfect and sometimes, when other posters hurt my feeling or attack me, I respond in kind. I'm going to try not to do that anymore. I think a better course of action would be to just ignore those kind odd responses....
I chose to be helpful, not hurtful...I would hope other people would make the same choice. Name calling , insinuations and nastiness, in my opinion, don't help anyone who comes here to find support, understanding and information. So I chose to try not participate in that kind of unproductive and unkind behavior. I hope other people will too..
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Let me add this to AI board friends...
I too am frustrated by Ernest's lack of action, but I can't control that right now.
I'll keep emailing him and I will keep posting here.
People come here looking for help, answers to their questions, a shoulder to lean on and I feel obligated to try and help. Just like people here and on the AF board helped me.
In the end when you clear away all the other stuff, that's what this board is about...Helping people who have RA and other AI diseases.
At least it is for me...........
Lynn
Thanks for your post. I hope our words are remembered long after their posts. Lindy
I think you have to ask yourself a few questions before you give up on trying to help other people with RA or seeking advice yourself, because of any nasty posts directed at you.
1. Do I know and love these people who are attacking me?
2. Why should I care what the attackers think of me?
3. Will they change my life for the better? Will they change my life at all?
4. Who gave them permission to hurt my feelings? (I did just by feeling hurt by some stranger.)
We must remember that words are just words. Everyone has them at their disposal. When people attack us with words, we have a choice! Feel hurt or ignore them; and feel pity that the poster has such a nasty opinion of me. Me, whom they don't know personally. Who's opinion shouldn't matter to me at all.
I know it's hard not to feel hurt; but you have the power to stop the hurt feelings by taking the time to examine why you feel hurt to begin with. I personally will feel like I am missing out on some very valuable experiences if the people leaving stay gone. And lastly, if you leave; the trolls win. And you let them win.
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