LyndeeNZ2011-04-27 04:55:59Now if anyone wants an example of how a bully operates.... here is a thread of the chief bully at this forum and you can judge for yourselves.
What is interesting is a few who condemned him then are his sidekicks now, but a few also woke up to what was going on. Lessons for all.
http://www.arthritisinsight.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12459&PN=8
Start at Pg1 and the modus operandi becomes clear very quickly. The accused had used a word someplace else that the thread starter did not like. His tirade started viciously and vehemently....
LyndeeNZ2011-04-27 06:03:21Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."[1]
Envy can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been he or she who had the desired object.[2][3]
Bertrand Russell said envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.[4] It is a universal and most unfortunate aspect of human nature because not only is the envious person rendered unhappy by her envy, but also wishes to inflict misfortune on others.
6 Tips for Better Sex with Rheumatoid Arthritis continued...
Don't keep your partner guessing. This is not the time for mystery.Let your partner know -- with actions, noises, and words -- what is exciting, comfortable, and painful during sex.
Once you've had some conversations, Lubbers says, you can develop your own language to indicate that the time is right. While planning ahead can be helpful, taking advantage of the moment can be good, too. RA doesn't have to spell the end to spontaneous sex. "You can have a shorthand signal for 'I feel good, so let's fool around,' so you don't have to talk about it," she says, "almost like the signals between the pitcher and catcher, to make it upbeat and fun."
Keeping Your Self-Esteem Strong
Confidence and self-esteem are sexy, and RA can do a number on both. You may find yourself feeling less attractive or youthful than you used to.
"Depending on where it hits you, you can have issues with putting on makeup, doing your hair -- things that may make you feel pretty," says Lubbers. Here, too, talking about it honestly and asking your partner to help can be vital. For example, when Lubbers couldn't raise her hands high enough to dye her hair, her husband helped. "You figure out ways to make it part of being a couple."
M.E.A. McNeil, author of The First Year: Rheumatoid Arthritis: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed, says that accepting the disease and the changes it brings to your life helped her keep self-image and relationship healthy.
That doesn't mean it was easy. She sought psychological counseling after she was diagnosed with RA in 1993. Her first words to her therapist were: "I can't have this diagnosis." Over time, she discovered that she could fight the disease with denial and anger, or work with it by learning to accept it.
"You may have always had a certain feeling about flaky people and then you have to accept that you yourself are going to become flaky -- inconsistent and undependable sometimes," she says. "Being able to accept those conditions influences your sex life and how you relate to your mate. It's not very sexy to be a whiner -- the sexy part of people is that they have a self-assurance seated within themselves. That's one of the elements of being able to have a good relationship."
Working through negative feelings to develop a realistic acceptance of how your body may have changed can help your partner too. "If a woman is being proactive in dealing with it, that helps her partner deal with it as well," says Phillips.
Phillips says couples counseling can help. Working with a therapist who is knowledgeable about rheumatoid arthritis -- or willing to learn about it -- can be extra helpful.
"Don't look at it as one person's problem, but as an opportunity to learn some strategies to better communicate on issues," Phillips says. "If a couple can communicate effectively, they can deal with anything and everything."
http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/life-with-ra-11/ra-sex?page=3 I like that article Lyn.
Yes Stephen....I could not believe my eyes when I read it. Seems it was written just for the problems that this forum has been experiencing for years. So many truths in that article.
I
actually find that there are two classes of people who cause maximum trouble on forums. One is of course, the traditional "troll" who wreaks havoc by anti-social behaviour and by deliberately riling up forum members to get kicks out of it, causing havoc and bad blood in the process.
I think as admins, we need to realize that there is another group which I would term as "online bullies" or "internet bullies" who can become equally destructive in undermining communities.
These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)
These people are often the starting point of cliques because they can gather a group of yes-people around them in no time.
Beware of these people and watch out for them because they can be a lot more trouble in the long run than isolated trolls running loose.
Sometimes you just need an excellent troll to combat an established forum bully
- Both trolls and bullies can cause enormous damage to a forum by their behaviour.
- Both trolls and bullies usually have excellent communication skills using which they attack their opponents unmercifully.
- Both trolls and bullies can be intimidating to any normal forum user.
- Both trolls and bullies have the effect of creating bad blood.
- Both trolls and bullies are hard to control without intervention right from the top - the forum administrator(s) or owner(s) because even moderators might find it hard to control them without support from others.
Differences
- Trolls are usually isolated. They are generally short-lived in a forum. A person who signs up on a forum specifically to troll doesn't hang around in other parts of the forum and leaves as soon as the damage is done.
Bullies are more or less regular forum members who might have a huge post count and a following.
- Trolls usually hit and run. A successful troll needs only a couple of posts in a single thread to turn it into a raging tornado.
Bullies stay on and intimidate other members by throwing their weight around and using their group of yes-people to lend force to their powerful attacks.
- Trolls are usually identified for what they are.
Bullies rarely get identified for what they are, because they are regular members and nobody can suggest that they are ordinary trolls because they have a huge post count.
- Trolls hardly respond to challenges. Instead they enjoy watching others fight.
Bullies enjoy fighting and run around bashing everybody who dares oppose them.
- The potential damage done by trolls is limited to a particular topic of discussion or at most a forum.
The potential damage done by bullies is forum-wide and not related to topics, but to the personality of the bully and the kind of respect and influence he wields.
_ETA: These are not my words, I can post a link if someone wants.
LyndeeNZ2011-04-27 18:41:08RA and Heart Disease
Aubry M-C, Maradit-Kremers H, Reinalda MS, Crowson CS, Edwards WD, Gabriel SE. Differences in atherosclerotic coronary heart disease between subjects with and without rheumatoid arthritis. J Rheumatol first release. March 15, 2007.
Posted 3/21/2007
It has been well documented that people with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) have a reduced life expectancy compared with the general population. It also has been established that the excess mortality associated with RA can largely be attributed to cardiovascular disease (CVD). The underlying links between the two diseases, however, are not completely understood.
What Problem Was Studied?
Atherosclerosis (also called “hardening of the arteries”) occurs when plaques form within the arteries that feed the heart, closing the opening. Once the arteries close beyond a certain point, the condition is called coronary artery disease and the risk of heart attack, stroke, or sudden death are greatly increased. Atherosclerosis is generally recognized as an inflammatory immune disorder. Similarly, RA is an immune-mediated inflammatory disorder that can result in death due to CVD.
Researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., including past Arthritis Foundation grant recipient Sherine E. Gabriel, MD, MSc, have conducted a study that has given them insight as to what happens within the coronary arteries of people with these diseases. Results of their research were published in the Journal of Rheumatology, First Release March 15, 2007.
What Was Done in the Study?
Scientists studied the heart and arteries of 41 people with RA who had died and 82 age- and sex-matched people without RA who died within the same timeframe. The patients and controls were also matched as to the presence or absence of CVD. The autopsied coronary arteries were all examined under the microscope to look for similarities and differences among those with RA and those without.
An overall grade of stenosis (amount of obstruction due to plaque formation) was given for each artery, and the extent of atherosclerosis was defined by the total number of vessels with severe stenosis. Next, the cellular composition of the plaques was determined. Lastly, plaques were defined as vulnerable or stable. Vulnerable plaques are those with a greater number of inflammatory cells, are prone to rupture, and lead to acute coronary events, such as heart attack or stroke.
What Were the Study Results?
In the subset of subjects with CVD, significant differences were found in the arteries of people with RA compared to those without RA. Only 32% of RA patients with CVD had multiple-vessel disease, whereas 69% of CVD patients without RA had multiple-vessel disease. RA patients had an overall lower grade of stenosis compared with the non-RA subjects. RA patients with CVD had significantly more vulnerable plaques than CVD patients without RA (48% versus 22%).
All combined, the data collected by this research team showed increased inflammation in the walls of coronary arteries and an increased number of vulnerable plaques in RA patients with CVD compared to CVD patients without RA. Despite the inflammation and vulnerable plaques, RA patients with CVD had arteries with less stenosis (that is, were more open) than the controls with CVD but no RA.
What Does This Mean for People With RA?
The findings of this study suggest that inflammation plays an important role in the development of CVD in people with RA. Furthermore, the study authors indicate that because RA patients had less severe stenosis, a different biological mechanism must explain the excess risk of cardiovascular disease in this population. Additional studies will be needed to determine exactly what that mechanism is.
Considering the results of this study, lead investigator, Marie-Christine Aubry, MD, believes that people with RA and the physicians who care for them ought to be aware of their potentially increased risks for CVD and work together to minimize those risks.
http://www.arthritis.org/ra-heart-disease.php Lynn...if you continue to post in this thread ( which is legitimate IMO as I dont mention anyone by name) I will post my bully info on every thread you post in. I will go preface this thread with an OT. So RA topics are not on the agenda.
Sorry. Up to you.
LyndeeNZ2011-04-27 19:15:38Have at it
Feeling the power huh?
Online forums are no different than any other group formed by people throughout human history. There are leaders, followers, outsiders. For convenience, you can look at a forum as kingdom. There's usually a king and a queen, a prince and princess, court jesters, members of the nobility, wise old advisors and outsiders. While an online forum is a trivial kingdom, remember that people defend their kingdoms, no matter how small. It could be an office, a playground, a seat at the table, or a forum.
I have never meant harm to anyone other than the person you are protecting. Nor did/do I wish harm on this forum. It meant the world to me when I was DX'ed and as much as it is easy to blame all the current woes on me ( and I see you have banished that creature ronb from the Kingdom) there is and always has been one instigator. All the disagreement in the world wont make me change my mind about that. You and most of the other ' followers' have never been attacked like I and many others were. And I am a vengeful person!
Just the way it is. So. OK....if you wont leave this thread alone, until you get Ernie to be rid of me, I'll have at it.
I think we know who the trolls are Lynn, while we got rid of one, we may have one or two left still.
I
actually find that there are two classes of people who cause maximum trouble on forums. One is of course, the traditional "troll" who wreaks havoc by anti-social behaviour and by deliberately riling up forum members to get kicks out of it, causing havoc and bad blood in the process.
I think as admins, we need to realize that there is another group which I would term as "online bullies" or "internet bullies" who can become equally destructive in undermining communities.
These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)
These people are often the starting point of cliques because they can gather a group of yes-people around them in no time.
Beware of these people and watch out for them because they can be a lot more trouble in the long run than isolated trolls running loose.
Sometimes you just need an excellent troll to combat an established forum bully
- Both trolls and bullies can cause enormous damage to a forum by their behaviour.
- Both trolls and bullies usually have excellent communication skills using which they attack their opponents unmercifully.
- Both trolls and bullies can be intimidating to any normal forum user.
- Both trolls and bullies have the effect of creating bad blood.
- Both trolls and bullies are hard to control without intervention right from the top - the forum administrator(s) or owner(s) because even moderators might find it hard to control them without support from others.
Differences
- Trolls are usually isolated. They are generally short-lived in a forum. A person who signs up on a forum specifically to troll doesn't hang around in other parts of the forum and leaves as soon as the damage is done.
Bullies are more or less regular forum members who might have a huge post count and a following.
- Trolls usually hit and run. A successful troll needs only a couple of posts in a single thread to turn it into a raging tornado.
Bullies stay on and intimidate other members by throwing their weight around and using their group of yes-people to lend force to their powerful attacks.
- Trolls are usually identified for what they are.
Bullies rarely get identified for what they are, because they are regular members and nobody can suggest that they are ordinary trolls because they have a huge post count.
- Trolls hardly respond to challenges. Instead they enjoy watching others fight.
Bullies enjoy fighting and run around bashing everybody who dares oppose them.
- The potential damage done by trolls is limited to a particular topic of discussion or at most a forum.
The potential damage done by bullies is forum-wide and not related to topics, but to the personality of the bully and the kind of respect and influence he wields.
__________________
You know, there once was a certain lisa0nline at this forum who used the foulest language imaginable, disrupted this forum etc yet so many who stick close to the resident bully never said a word to dissuade her. Not one. Intersting huh?
And Dachie...you exhibit many of her traits. Got me wondering.
[QUOTE=Dachie Mom]
[/QUOTE]
You are still doing what you want other people not to do. WHY???? Do you have some hidden agenda? You just want to keep the pot boiling.
I
actually find that there are two classes of people who cause maximum trouble on forums. One is of course, the traditional "troll" who wreaks havoc by anti-social behaviour and by deliberately riling up forum members to get kicks out of it, causing havoc and bad blood in the process.
I think as admins, we need to realize that there is another group which I would term as "online bullies" or "internet bullies" who can become equally destructive in undermining communities.
These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)
These people are often the starting point of cliques because they can gather a group of yes-people around them in no time.
Beware of these people and watch out for them because they can be a lot more trouble in the long run than isolated trolls running loose.
Sometimes you just need an excellent troll to combat an established forum bully
- Both trolls and bullies can cause enormous damage to a forum by their behaviour.
- Both trolls and bullies usually have excellent communication skills using which they attack their opponents unmercifully.
- Both trolls and bullies can be intimidating to any normal forum user.
- Both trolls and bullies have the effect of creating bad blood.
- Both trolls and bullies are hard to control without intervention right from the top - the forum administrator(s) or owner(s) because even moderators might find it hard to control them without support from others.
Differences
- Trolls are usually isolated. They are generally short-lived in a forum. A person who signs up on a forum specifically to troll doesn't hang around in other parts of the forum and leaves as soon as the damage is done.
Bullies are more or less regular forum members who might have a huge post count and a following.
- Trolls usually hit and run. A successful troll needs only a couple of posts in a single thread to turn it into a raging tornado.
Bullies stay on and intimidate other members by throwing their weight around and using their group of yes-people to lend force to their powerful attacks.
- Trolls are usually identified for what they are.
Bullies rarely get identified for what they are, because they are regular members and nobody can suggest that they are ordinary trolls because they have a huge post count.
- Trolls hardly respond to challenges. Instead they enjoy watching others fight.
Bullies enjoy fighting and run around bashing everybody who dares oppose them.
- The potential damage done by trolls is limited to a particular topic of discussion or at most a forum.
The potential damage done by bullies is forum-wide and not related to topics, but to the personality of the bully and the kind of respect and influence he wields.
_ETA: These are not my words, I can post a link if someone wants.
[QUOTE=LyndeeNZ]
These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)
[/QUOTE]
I've seen a few people here over the years that fit this description
LyndeeNZ,
You are the bully. You come here to disrupt and cause chaos. You have no power. You have no respect from the "good" members of this forum. By your own words, you threaten this forum and even the good members here. You believe that if the "good" members of this wonderful forum don't comply with your demands, you will cause even more chaos. You are a bully, but no ones aftraid of you. Like Lynn says, have at it. Where other "good" members have reached out to you, you just spit in their faces and make them look foolish. So have at it. If you think that because you have a few followers that slap you on the back for your hatred and anger and unhappinress, good on them. Birds of a feather do stick together. Just as the "good" members stick together so do those that want to destroy this forum. And the sad part of it is, some of those that want to destroy this forum, actually smile in our faces and act like our friends. You are nothing but an angry, unhappy hater. You are envious of me because I am happy. I don't hate. I have people that love me. I have a wife that loves me more than anything in this world. Yeah, there you go. That's why you are envious. Simple stuff. You have the power to change your miserable life but yet, you choose not to. So, you deserve your miserable life. It's a shame but it's your own shame on your face. But, you are not going to share your misery with anyone except your friends. Only they are vulnerable because they are unhappy haters also. They are succeptible to your disease.
LEV
I stumbled upon this forum 5 years ago, when I was finally coming out of the worst flare I had ever experienced. I found incredible support, encouragement and information that I took back to my dr, and eventually got back on my feet. RA can be a very isolating disease and I found a circle of "friends" here who could relate to what I was going through. I miss those people; Deanna, Joonie, Grandma Skittles, Hillhoney, Gimpy, Arriscowell, Cordy, even Roxy, to name a few. Their compassion helped me incredibly, and knowing I was not alone was probably the best part of coming here, where as my real life family and friends, could only beg me to get better. I come back here now when my seasonal job is over and I have time on my hands, instead of my hands wrapped up in a heating pad. This board has not changed in the 5 years I've been here, the squabbles and full blown wars continue, but the compassion and relevant infomation is still here too. It's best to pick and choose the posts you want to read and respond to and no matter how hard you try, you can only change yourself. To all of you who have helped me over the years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I have laughed and cried with you and I miss not knowing what is going on in your life and I wish you all the best.[QUOTE=Ninilchicken] This board has not changed in the 5 years I've been here, the squabbles and full blown wars continue, but the compassion and relevant infomation is still here too. [/QUOTE]
Exactly. It has been this way since I've started coming around. I haven't seen any changes. Always a fight or two going on between members. But it's still my favourite RA site. I've never really cared for sites with moderators.
Lev, you can continue with your tirade that I am evil/envious/sad/full of misery/etc etc et al et al it does not bother me in the slightest.
Yes, I may be a bully but I have only one target and you know precisely who that is. I have no intention of disrupting RA threads but will if you decide to go on a rampage against someone else. And that WILL happen sometime, you cant help yourself.
Remember how many of us were bullied continuously by a certain sidekick of yours? The one you never spoke a word against and supported during her campaign of bullying? She had a good teacher huh Lev?
I
actually find that there are two classes of people who cause maximum trouble on forums. One is of course, the traditional "troll" who wreaks havoc by anti-social behaviour and by deliberately riling up forum members to get kicks out of it, causing havoc and bad blood in the process.
I think as admins, we need to realize that there is another group which I would term as "online bullies" or "internet bullies" who can become equally destructive in undermining communities.
These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)
These people are often the starting point of cliques because they can gather a group of yes-people around them in no time.
Beware of these people and watch out for them because they can be a lot more trouble in the long run than isolated trolls running loose.
Sometimes you just need an excellent troll to combat an established forum bully
- Both trolls and bullies can cause enormous damage to a forum by their behaviour.
- Both trolls and bullies usually have excellent communication skills using which they attack their opponents unmercifully.
- Both trolls and bullies can be intimidating to any normal forum user.
- Both trolls and bullies have the effect of creating bad blood.
- Both trolls and bullies are hard to control without intervention right from the top - the forum administrator(s) or owner(s) because even moderators might find it hard to control them without support from others.
Differences
- Trolls are usually isolated. They are generally short-lived in a forum. A person who signs up on a forum specifically to troll doesn't hang around in other parts of the forum and leaves as soon as the damage is done.
Bullies are more or less regular forum members who might have a huge post count and a following.
- Trolls usually hit and run. A successful troll needs only a couple of posts in a single thread to turn it into a raging tornado.
Bullies stay on and intimidate other members by throwing their weight around and using their group of yes-people to lend force to their powerful attacks.
- Trolls are usually identified for what they are.
Bullies rarely get identified for what they are, because they are regular members and nobody can suggest that they are ordinary trolls because they have a huge post count.
- Trolls hardly respond to challenges. Instead they enjoy watching others fight.
Bullies enjoy fighting and run around bashing everybody who dares oppose them.
- The potential damage done by trolls is limited to a particular topic of discussion or at most a forum.
The potential damage done by bullies is forum-wide and not related to topics, but to the personality of the bully and the kind of respect and influence he wields.
_ETA: These are not my words, I can post a link if someone wants.
[QUOTE=Ninilchicken]I stumbled upon this forum 5 years ago, when I was finally coming out of the worst flare I had ever experienced. I found incredible support, encouragement and information that I took back to my dr, and eventually got back on my feet. RA can be a very isolating disease and I found a circle of "friends" here who could relate to what I was going through. I miss those people; Deanna, Joonie, Grandma Skittles, Hillhoney, Gimpy, Arriscowell, Cordy, even Roxy, to name a few. Their compassion helped me incredibly, and knowing I was not alone was probably the best part of coming here, where as my real life family and friends, could only beg me to get better. I come back here now when my seasonal job is over and I have time on my hands, instead of my hands wrapped up in a heating pad. This board has not changed in the 5 years I've been here, the squabbles and full blown wars continue, but the compassion and relevant infomation is still here too. It's best to pick and choose the posts you want to read and respond to and no matter how hard you try, you can only change yourself. To all of you who have helped me over the years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I have laughed and cried with you and I miss not knowing what is going on in your life and I wish you all the best.[/QUOTE]
Ninilchicken.....I miss them too ( well the ones I knew) and there is only one person responsible for them no longer being here.
Wow-I remember all those folks. I really felt a connection to Cordy since we were both single parents with a young child. I hope they are all ok...
Joonie lives in an area hit by tornados...I hope she is OK.
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