Today is one of those days when the pain is right there at the top level. Add to that, I got one of those cry days. Does anybody else get them when you are flaring, where someone can say hello to you and you just break out crying?
I'm a bit discouraged because I had three days away from work and my shoulder swelling went down and my mobility returned to normal. One day back at work and I am all swollen up like we had not been doing anything. I think it is working at the computer that is doing it. That is my job and my relax time. I do creative writing when at home. But that seems to me what is irrating the whole process.
If this keeps up, I either have to change the type of work I do or get shoulder surgery. I worry about that because I'm considered a high risk candidate. One doctor already told me that he wouldn't even touch me. I already had nine surgeries in the past.
What makes it worse is that I am single and live alone. So, I am sole income and don't get paid if I don't work. I have no short term disability and long term disability doesn't kick in for six months and maxes out at 00. That's a big help.
It becomes very stressful when I think about not working as I know many of you face the same thing. I love to work.
I hate RA.
Yes we all have our break down times when we're in a bad flare it is completely normal. I don't blame you for feeling stressed when your the only financial support it does make it extremely hard to call in sick. Maybe you can find a computer job you can do at home? That could help a little. Hang in there!!
I think that Jay is right everyone does hit a point where you think that you can't go on anymore. Then theres a good day and that changes how we feel maybe tomorrow will be another good day and another.. I sorry that you have to work. I know disability doesn't pay hardely anything. Hopefully things will get better for you.
I am sorry to hear had bad you are feeling and you are not alone.
Many of us have to go on with our live even when it seems impossible. Knowing that we have a disease and it is painful to keep working but we have to in order to survive does nothing to help us gather the strength we need to carry on and sometimes add to the pain we are already feeling.
Why are you considered a "high risk" and what is wrong with your shoulder that the one doctor said he would not even touch it? What type of surgery do you need done. Is it your shoulders Rotor Cuff? That is pretty painful.
I wish I had some answers for you other than "hang in there", that is easy for me to say but hard for you to do, I do know from past experiences, we have to sometimes "walk away from the forest to see the tree's". We need to ask ourselves how we can change things to make it better for ourselves. The one thing I see that you need right now, is to have some pain free time, to be able to think and work. Pain Meds. What are you taking and what can you take that will not interfer with working? What meds are you on now, can they be changed to something else that might change the course of your disease. Is there more going on with your shoulder than your disease? I have OA and RA in the neck and shoulders along with bursitis. I am on Clinoril (pain-anti-inflammatory drug) for that. It is helping and I take it with my Tramadol. Not the perfect drugs but do work well together, especially the Clinoril for the shoulders. How are you sitting while at the computer? You may need to adjust your seat and monitor level. Are you taking at least 5 minute breaks for every 45 mins of working on the computer? Can you get up and do a little exercising with the shoulder. Also, if you have bifocals and use the no line type...you need to replace them with a pair of full lens computer glasses. The constant up and down with the no-line bifocals causes your neck and shoulders to get sore. See what type of software is out there that may make help your computer more user friendly for the type of job you are doing. These are all things that might help you. Never try anything with out your doctors OK, but sometimes a little exercising help alleviate some pain.
I hope that you start to feel better soon and that there is a light at the end of your tunnel. Please remember, you are never alone. Please post again, to let us know how you are doing.
Waddles,
I've just read your post above and have to say how very down to earth and helpful you are with your advice, not just offering platitudes, though they do help sometimes of course, but also practical help; forcing us to ask ourselves to help ourselves, but in the best way possible. Sharing your experiences with others. I know you're not the only one to do this: Kelstev, Crunchy and many others are also to be congratulated for the imput they contribute to this site. I'm so glad that I have found you all, and even though I don't post much, I get a lot from reading all your posts, good days, bad days, sad stories and funny ones, they all make the bad days bearable.
Thanks....to you all
Dawn
Waddles, I am high risk for surgery because I have had reactions to anesthisia (?) on more than one occassion and think I also have Vasculitis (inflammation of the arteries). I also have heart problems and asthma. The doctor that wouldn't even consider during surgery was looking at my knees, which both need replaced because of OA. There's no cartiledge left there. We're holding that off as long as possible. The shoulder problems are a combination. I have a cyst (RA), tendonitis and a bone spur. They are treating it as though it might involve a rotator cuff tear, but one didn't show up on the MRI. There is evidently also some impingement. Before starting physical therapy, I could move my arms just fine. Now, I can only move them half the distance. Every time I get on the computer, it worsens. The present ortho doc says that surgery wouldn't help my problem much and it would have to be the major kind because of the location. That means instead of two weeks min off work it might be as much as six months. My pain meds are Mobic, Tylenol and Vicodin. I have to schedule the Vicodin when I don't need to drive for a couple of hours. I'm limited to 3 a day. Any more than than makes me sick any way. The docs didn't want to discuss anything else for pain. I'll ask again for something else. But I am on about 10 different meds. There is only so much that they can do. Regarding the computer itself. I already have it adjusted. It is hard to get up as often as you recommend. I do every chance I get. I do wear trifocals with graduated lenses. I can't see without them since I the RA and Sjogren's also affects my eyes. I couldn't work at all without the trifocals. My boss says that I can work from home, but she doesn't really mean it. Every time I try, she panics. I've looked for other opportunities, but haven't found something that is suitable. The big problem is that I lose health insurance. Arizona has no interim resources between becoming disabled and getting Social Security. And, SS pays so little. Plus, you still have to wait two years to get Medicaid. To me, this is a great crime in our country. I have met so many people in the same situation. I do have a plan. I just bought a mobile for cash and have only the lot rent and utilities to pay. The next step will be to set up freelance work from home and I finally found an insurance company that will take RA as a pre-existing (although expensive-very!) But this is a process in itself. It is just discouraging to work so hard all the time to get better. The RA doc isn't very encouraging. He is giving me about all the meds he can. From what I read in this forum, I am on higher doses and on more meds than most people here. He wants me to lower my hours to 20 a week. I can't do it. I need 30 a week to keep my insurance and my job. I am really open to suggestions though. I've been dealing with this on my own a long time. Hello, aurora7675... I am glad to hear that you feel comfortable here. That is the best foot forward you can do for yourself. Talk with people who are where you are. And it's our pleasure to be able to post about things we think may help each other. Thank You for your thumbs up aurora. Means a lot to have you say that. Deanna The stress from all this that you must be feeling, probably also makes the RA worse. Just a vicious cycle that we all seem to go through. I've been sitting here reading and re-reading your posts and I can't come up with anything that'll help. Just wanted to let you know, I'm sending good thoughts your way
Kelly ps.Aurora, thanks for the kind words
But today, I don't think I could have made it through the day without you. But this move is part of my dream and my plan to get out from under all this stress. My expenses will be a lot lower so I don't have to bring in the same income. I keep working it. Today, I was just overwhelmed. Pain has a way of doing that. Anyway, thanks again.
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