I work monday to friday days at the hospital.... we just hired a bunch of new people in our department. This one girl has only been with us for about two or three months, and has called in sick every week. Some weeks, she calls in and takes the whole week off. Well, this was her weekend to work. She only had one shift last week, the others she called in sick for. Anyway, my boss just called me at my home. She never does that. I am temporary full time until the end of June on a project to get the department running better. Anyway, I was asked by my boss to work Sylvie's shift tomorrow. For the first time, ever, I said no. At first I was like "ummmm" and my boss laughed and she said I sounded like I didn't know what to do. I think she assumed I would say yes. I am the "yes" person in the department. (On friday, a co-worker still had charts to put away. It was five minutes until we were done our shift, and I was finished my work. I asked her if she needed a hand. I thought I would do half, she would do half and we would get it done fast. She said yes, she needed help so fast... and then sat down and gave me the work!).
Anyway, getting back to just a minute ago... I explained to my boss that I am still trying to get back to myself after that bad flare I had. She said "Flare?" I couldn't believe it. We spent an hour in her office talking about it when I was in the middle of it. She even saw how swollen my wrists were and ankle. So, I said "Yes, my arthritis." And then she remembered. Then I said I would have said yes, but I need the two days off to get through the rest of the week. So, this shift she wanted me to do would be from 3:30pm-11:30 pm, and then I had to be in at work Monday at 7 am. I could never pull that off these days. I am way too tired. She sounded dissapointed that I didn't say yes, and thanked me. Kind of a thanks for nothing type thing. Why do I feel guilty? I NEVER call in sick. Never. I want my weekend. What is so wrong with that? Now I am going to feel guilty all night. It makes me so angry when people can't be responsible and work the shifts they are given! Stress.
Good for you, Dar. Any guilt you might have felt should have evaporated when she said, "Flare?" That's just beyond inconsiderate. Awww...screw 'em. You gotta take care of yourself, nobody else will. I'm a RN at a hospital and they always make staff feel so guilty when they call in. Sometimes people really do get sick. I love it when they say, "Maybe you'll feel better if you come in". I REALLY don't think so!
Good for you! Nothing to feel guilty about, unless you feel that looking after your health is something to be feeling guilty about?? Of course you don't.
Kelly
Thanks guys! I feel so much better after reading your posts. I am now worried though. My boss asked me for Dianne's phone number. She is someone I work with, and I would bet my week's salary she will say yes, and go in for Sylvie. She is new, and like me, is someone they will take advantage of because she loves to work. Problem is, she knows my family. My mother is working tomorrow. She works at the information desk in the front entrance. I know Dianne will mention to my mother that I was called and refused to come in for that shift. I know my mother will call me at home, and I will get an ear full. Though I am 32, and have been living on my own for years, since I came back home to save money my folks have reverted to when I was 8. It is awful. My father even opens my mail! He wants to know exactly what my bills are at all times. It is so hard. I think sometimes I have more stress at home than at work. The two combined is what keeps me in this flare I think. Maybe I am thinking too much. I need to let this go.
My parents are people who never miss work, for anything. My mother has 900 hours (33 weeks) of sick days accumulated. But,really, neither one has had any serious illness. I am so tired these days. I am beat. Both physically with this arthritis and job, and mentally by my co-workers, my folks, and arthritis. I just want to keep my scheduled time off to myself. I am feeling less guilty... these people have to realize I am not doing it all anymore. I can't believe that once, I wanted a friday off with my weekend so I could go to NYC, so I asked my boss for that one extra day months in advace. My boss said I could have it off, if I worked some extra shifts. She scheduled me 23 days in a row. No days off. Right up until I left for New York. All that for one extra day for my weekend! I did it. Never said a word. That is how bad I am... this guilt is a good thing. I need to stop being a door mat. Nobody does what I do. This is crazy. I am feeling better. It is sooo nice to get this all off my chest! I think I need some chocolate milk.....
You have to think of yourself. So sorry to hear of the rough time you are having at home. Sometimes, parents can't accept the fact that their children are also adults. Will you be staying there long?
You hang in there and by all means, speak up for yourself. What you have to say or do is just as important as the next person.
Trisha I'm so glad you said No. Hey, let's call "No" therapy - the first step to emotional recovery! I am feeling so much better now. I don't know why I felt so bad saying no to my boss. I don't know how or when I became such a door mat. I am the only english person in my whole department. The rest are french, so I feel a little out of the loop to begin with. In this part of Canada, the french really don't like the english too much because of a very bad incident that happened in our history - 1875. It gets nasty there sometimes, but I speak both languages quite easily, so they are not too condesending to me anymore. :) The only thing I told the girl that was trying to make me feel guilty this morning was that I won't be made to feel guilty anymore. I had enough of it. I told her I did my own share of over time in the past, and if she really wanted to play the game of who worked more and who scarificed the most for the department, all she would have to do is go over to the bulleten board and look at the schedule on the wall! She will see that I have sacrificed more of my time and days off than she has ever had in this department, or anyone else for that matter. If she thought working six days in a row makes her so much better, why is it that someone like me, who has gone 20 days in a row, be made guilty when they wanted to have a day off to themself? She was justifying saying no to come in on Sunday because she has worked six days in a row once or twice, which gives her the right to be tired and say no this time. I also told her that I don't have any vaction during the year like she does (she gets 9 weeks paid vacation), and I told her that on top of those, when she comes back from vacation, she usually calls in sick for a few more days. (again, I reminded her that if she doesn't think that what I am saying is accurate, just go look on the schedule - it is all marked there in black and white.) I turned the tables on her. I told her that using sick days for "vacation" days is awful and dishonest. Then I said if she would like to discuss my not going in on Sunday and why it is so wrong for me, I would be happy to. But in private. If she has a problem with me, talk to me, and not make it a show for the whole office! Because, if the whole point is to make me look bad, I don't really care to play these Jr. High games. Some of us grew up after 18. Then I went back to work.
Nobody said anything for the whole morning. I never say anything. Ever. In fact, it is a joke in the office of how quiet I am. Plus, this co-worker is somewhat of a bully in the department. She thinks she is boss, but isn't. Our boss is even scared of her. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Also, it was a PMS day. So, I guess I just took all of what I was feeling and just dumped it on her. It was wrong in a way, but i don't think I was too harsh on her. It felt good. It really did. Respect is something that everyone should have. Especially when you are working together. I never had that. And today I finally found my voice! dar, I'm so proud of you. You became a mouse that has roar. Enjoy your day off, that's what it's for.
Stop feeling guilty!! Enjoy the rest of you evening!
Nichole:)
I have seen people that say yes to everything get in trouble for the stupidist things and made an example of because they are percieved as the ones who will take all of the crap without putting up a fight. If you arent scheduled to work you have every right to say no. All of the other people the boss called either said no too or didnt answer the phone at all. And next time you need a long weekend, just call in sick becuse that working 23 days in a row business is B.S. That is really awful that your boss would do that to anyone, esp. someone who is sick.
MarisaGo Girl!!!!!!
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