............ I got an attorney and applied for long term disability
I have been thinking about this a lot since I was sent home from work. Today I got inspired. Most of you know my daughter - who I love dearly - has schizophrenia and is institutionalized. My hubby just loves her. We can only see her every 3 - 4 months. Anyway, I got to thinking, if I got disability and she gets disability, we could move out in the country, build her a small cottage, and I could look after her. She is 23. She is hard to take care of but much better than she used to be. She is med resistant and does not have much of a grasp on reality but after being locked up for four years (if she was not locked up she lived on the streets) she realizes that she would have to follow rules and will appreciate what we can give her. My hubby just loves her. I could not do it alone but I might be able to do it with him. She needs someone to set strong boundaries and I am not good at that, I am getting better. It is just I feel so sad for her that I am easily manipulated. We could not live in the same house. I already suffer from severe fatigue and she talks to herself (or her voices) and does not sleep well. She also needs to be hospitalized to be stabilized on a regular basis. She can get very paranoid and violent if her meds need changing.
So who knows. May be all of this will have a happy ending. I love my independence and have loved my work and my life. Maybe it is time to give back. I have had a good life. I also adore my daughter and husband. I would love to spend more time with them. I am going to talk to Brett about it tonight even though we have talked about it many times.
It is all so scary but the idea of getting my girl out of those hell holes she has been in would be the answer to many many prayers.
So what do you think?
Roxy, Good for you for seeing a lawyer. It's always better to know your options. I am eager to know how it goes.
Think carefully about your daughter and how taking care of her full time would be for you. You are already fatigued and fragile yourself. Maybe you could use the money from disability to put her in a better place and have her come and visit you, or maybe there could be an arrangement where you take her part time and she is institutionmalized part time.
I have a friend my age who is raising her developmentally delayed deaf grand daughter. The girl is prone to seizures and is very strong.
It is exhausting for her physically and mentally and she doesn't really trust anyone else to take care of her. I go to church with them on Sundays and try to help a little since I'm a sign language interpreter
but physically it is too much for me to take for more than an hour. My friend Audra is exhausted most of the time.I know you must love your daughter so much but please think about yourself too. You need to have your energy and sleep to be able to be a good mother to her.What ever you decide god bless you.
Roxy,
I am so happy to hear that you got a lawyer. Let us know what you learn about disability as this is something I wish at times to do myself.
I know this is a tough decision because I have made some of the same ones with my daughter. I also want to help get my daughter out of the home she is in. It is very hard on her and hard on me to watch her. But I did get to the point where I didn't feel like I could care for her sufficiently. She had become too dependent on me and her medications too difficult to control. Now, that is changing. I am starting to see her strength emerge.
I can't live with her either because she doesn't sleep well also and the continuous up and down of her moods. Hearing your story is so similar to mine. At some point, I hope to help my girl transition to a better living situation.
I believe that you can do this because I know it is in your heart to do so. It is our hearts, our souls that carry us through this life and not these inadequate bodies. Just build yourself a very good support system, first for yourself and then secondly for your daughter. Make sure all of your family's medical needs can be met and that there are services readily available to you within a short distance.
I know the grief of separation, of not knowing what she is going through and also knowing what she is going through, is also dragging you down. It is a mother's grief and it cannot be easily sated.
My friends all encouraged me to take care of myself first. I'm working on that. But I also have to know my child is okay. I can tell this is how you are as well.
Go for it, Roxy, with courage and faith. Love is stronger than this disease.
Roxy-I think it is wonderful that you are going for it with the disability. Will it matter that you went back to work for a few days?
I didnt know about your daughter. I am so proud of you and your husband for your commitiment to her care. Sometimes it is just not safe for people with mental illness to be out and about. It is difficult for families to commit their loved ones and so they just roam about, on the streets. It is sad, and I'll bet it was hard to put your child in an institution, but it is through true love and selflessness that we make these difficult choices for our kids, and often our parents too. Maybe you could get some type of home health care assistance if you are able to have your daughter at home. I wish the best of luck for you and your family.
Many of you commented on I could not do it alone. You are so right. I don't know how many of you have experience with scizhoprenics, but my sweet Kelsey is - shall we say - VERY EXPRESSIVE. She is a handful. I tried to work and keep her at home and I think it was literally killing me - running home from work all the time - I work for the city police and I would hear on the radio white girl, approximately age 20, blonde, blue, petite walking down the middle of the street against traffic and I would be - Oh sh*t - It is Kelsey and sure enough I would be right. Or the time she danced with the trombone player at the street fair and then took half his earnings - she thought it was only fair
I see my union attorney today. I am keeping my options open. You have to with RA
I'm in your corner hon xoxoxox
What does your job bring to you that you value so much? Do you love the job or just need the money? Is it because you don't want to not be thought of a as a career woman any more or because you want a career?
That's what you need to look at, what brings you the value that you desire. Then let go of the rest.
If you are on disability, then you will have time and energy for other things and the people in your life? If you keep working, you won't have this. But if your work feeds your soul, then that is important.
Follow the desires of your heart in making your decisions. Go to that place that is you and then listen. You are dying to tell yourself how to go. It is on the edge of evertything you talk about. Just listen to you. You are smart. You will figure this out.
I love the job for so many reasons. Number one - I love the outdoors, I love exercise, and I love to be loved. That is a perk of being a ranger - I get a lot of love from the public. It feels good. I also love the money and benefits. I make good money. Better than most park rangers and tons of benefits. That has spoiled me. Also, I adore my husband but I don't feel secure with him, we have not been married a year yet and we have had our troubles. My troubles really effect him. I don't know if he can handle my ra or my Kelsey's schizophrenia without becoming unhealthy himself. So all in all - I have been blessed to feel very secure the last decade of my life and I have gotten used to a good lifestyle I worked hard for - I am scared of what might happen.
So I am trying to get in touch with my heart. So many variables, I am trying to listen to God within me and my family that is so dear to me and decide. It is amazingly hard for me. I changed my mind several times a day and it stresses me out.
Thanks for letting me come here and think out loud or in writing. I think it helps. I do know this board has been a major factor in my accepting my disease and restoring my faith in humanity. We have some amazing people here.
Just giving you one more thing to add to the "con" section of your list. If you list the "Pro's and Con's" often it's easier to see things more clearly.
It is true Lovie. I am feeling so bad today after just trying to work in the yard - this is not how I want my life to be. Another day written off to pain. I will have to see what my rd says - remember he says he doesn't believe in long term disability. I don't want to lose my job AND not get disability.