giant leap for mankind???? Not exactly, but I just thought I would give a little update on my husband situation. About 2 or 3 weeks ago I basically was ready to either sign up me and my husband for marriage counseling or walk because he was being a downright ass. We talked and his crappy attitude and ugly remarks stopped but he still never asked about the RA or the meds or anything else. Sooo....we have been going along doing okay and then yesterday he asked me an interesting question right out of the blue.
"Are you tired because of the arthritis or because of the medications?"
My response was that it was the arthritis. So then he says, "well I dont understand how your joints hurting has anything to do with that, I want to see something that says that."
My response "I have been waiting for 4 months for you to ask, I would love to show you some information on RA." and " If you had a disease, I would read everything I could about it to learn more and to help you."
He was quiet after that. So today while we were sitting around, I pulled up a couple of websites and read them to him. I explained that RA is the immune disorder and arthritis and fatigue are the symptoms. "oh"
Then I read the side effects of Enbrel and told him that I looked up the info about Lymphomas and how some people can live up to 20 years with Lymphoma, and that I had to pretend like I didnt read that 'cause it made me sick to even think about.
More quiet.
I wonder how long it will take for him to absorb it all.
So ya wanna know the truth about RA do ya? Heh heh....come on in and let's chat awhile.
Hey that's great, Crunchy....I hope things continue to improve.Maybe he could go to an appointment with you sometime. Ask him to come with questions that he has for the doctor. Men tend to be problem solvers. If he see that the doctor is in the business of solving these problems, it might make him more open. My son demanded a full explanation of me as to why the doctors couldn't fix me. He was angry and hurtful. But after explaining it all to him, he has become a wonderful source of support for me.
I'm glad I don't have to explain this to a husband. When I was married, they were horrid at being supportive. I am so jealous of Cruncy and Roxy in this respect. Seems they have good guys.
Hey, but your's is young. He can learn.
you know what help my husband, this site he got on the other day and read a lot of the post and couldn't believe it. "He said they sound like you, and how you hurt " He had the attitude of "get over it stop taking all the meds and i would feel better". I really believe they are scared and don't know how to deal with it. I think for my husband he was (notice i said was) in denial ,but what has hurt me is my blood work has been borderline so the rhumeys won't call it RA but they said they are sure its autoimmune (sister has lupus) not sure which one. I have an appt in July with my new one she ran more test and is getting all my records together then will go from there. Anyway i think from seeing other post that is the million dollar question "husbands understanding" and it looks like a lot of women are dealing with that.Only a few times my hubby has read up about ra but he is really good about asking how I am doing and understanding I am not faking any of this. It helps a man to have proof and some of my flares have been very visible, almost like something took over my body. He has watched different parts of my body swell and look deformed. Anyway, I think what makes me happiest is when he reads this site. He seems to get the most understanding out of it. A supportive husband for me is the difference between complete desperation and hope. I am blessed. I'm so glad things are looking up for you! That's pretty much the same way my hubby came around. When they see it in black & white I think it becomes more of a real disease for them, instead of our blah, blah, blah. Way to go!I honestly think my husband is so understanding and supportive about RA because he actually understands what it is. My first husband thought RA was just another form of arthritis. He didn't understand everything that goes with RA.
My second husband investigated the disease on his own and knows so much more about it. It's been a gift from god; no doubt about it.
This is a positive step Crunch. Give him a little time to digest things....you'll see him changing soon.
Good for you!!
I hope you all are right. He made a comment to me yesterday about how we could get completely out of debt if we just spent like 6 months really working hard. I told him that sound great but if he means me working 60 hours a week, he is kidding himself. There is no way I could work like that, and I told him even I tried it for a couple of weeks I would probably land myself in the hospital.
I think he changed the subject after that.
I know, baby steps right?
I mean even I still expect myself to be able to do things that I cant do anymore and I am the one with RA, I guess he will figure it all out eventually.
Sounds like he is trying to problem solve. For instance, he may be thinking, if we weren't in so much debt, then my wife could quit working altogether.
His approach might be wrong, but his heart may actually be in the right place. A lot of times men go at problems like a bull dozer.
Maybe sit down with him and figure out what you can do together and maybe put it on a longer time table. I think maybe he wants to supportive but doesn't have a clue where to start. Give him some definite actions he can take. Start small, let him practice and praise him for his efforts. It's a learning process for him too, as you said.
And yes, others expect more of us than we can give any more. I expect way too much of myself. I always have. I am never satisfied with my current accomplishments. I wish I could mellow out a bit.
Crunchy I hope your hubby will continue to talk with you and research just waht ra is.
The minute I told my hubby the dr said I had RA he was researching and reading and questioning EVERYBODY. He takes me to dr appts., calls me several times a day to see how I'm doing, watches me to make sure I don't overdo on good days and if he wants to go somewhere or do something he makes sure I am up to it first. He is a one in a million.
Don't get me wrong, he's not perfect. Sometimes he gets angry because I am havinga really tiring day or a lot of pain and thinks I take too many pills. But he gets over it and apologizes for "behaving that way". I get hurt when he gets angry but I remind myself that RA affects both of us, not just me.
My kids are the same way. Theya re always checking on me to see how I am and my daughter gives me my enbrel shot every week.
Even my granddaughter (5 yrs old) gets inon the act. If she is staying with me and we're outside walking she tells me she has to hold my hand so I don't fall cause my knees and feet have boo boos!
I am truely blessed with a support system that includes every member of my family from my grandmother to my granddaughter!
Wow Deena. That is wonderful. Makes me want to move closer to my family. I think I am going to buy a trailer and have Brett quit his rr job to wash windows or dishes or somethingForget the trailer....buy a RV and FOLLOW HIM!! That would be kida cool! You could travel, do some sightseeing and still get to see Brett!
WOW I hope my husband would be more like yours. I understand the stress it has on the family. Today he said your shaking I said I told you I don't feel good and im in pain. I think he is starting to get the idea of how much pain im in.