Emotional about RA | Arthritis Information

I have really put on my best positive game face for this RA. I did grieve in the beginning for a time. I do all I can to not look backwards.

I went out of town for my job near my old hometown and the area I grew up in as a kid -- where I was full of health and life. I really, for the first time, sat and thought about what I have lost to RA, physically, mentally, etc.

It is something you do all you can not to dwell on, but it gets you sometimes, especially on the road, for a 4-hour drive -- which I wasn't sore at all surprisingly.

It isn't the end of the world to have it, but it is something that is unpredictable, and I think that is the hardest part. I am greatful I can come here and read when my head is deep into thoughts on what this disease means to my life and so many others. I really can't share my deep thoughts about it with anyone else in a meaningful way.

Love the pig flying.

Yes, it is a constant mourning. One day, you feel almost normal, the next you're ready to crawl in a hole and die -- anything to make the pain go away.

For me, that is one of the hardest parts. You can't plan for the future like you once did.

It is important to take that time to grieve for lost things and to figure out what RA has given as well.

And, people without it, don't get it unless they are very, very close to the situation. And often, still not then.

Yeah, it is always on my mind. Sometimes I think "its not that bad" untill I remember how much it takes away from me on the bad days. We all lose. I dont think I have been able to greive about it in a way that would be most therapuetic. For me it is just constant stress all of the time and when it gets bad I just think about it and think about it until I get this sharp pain in my temple and my head feels like it is going to explode. Then I have to try and shake it off because there is nothing I can do. Sometimes I think if I could just get past this stage of scrambling to pay my bills or struggling to make my husband understand, and just focus on me and my body and this disease maybe I would greive and move on. It is hard to tell. I think some things are falling into place and others are bad and getting worse. I have thought about running away...

Hey I love your "when pigs fly" avatarWe are all in need of a hug Roxy. You too!

It would be nice if we could have really appreciated and taken advantage of the health we had before. If we had only known what was to come. We weren't given any time to prepare for the monumental struggle some days would bring. I see people twice my age out jogging and it kills me. We just have to be thankful that we have what we do. It probably could be worse. Sometimes the best thing is to just sit down and have a good long cry.You know the sad thing is that I have been around sick people and was really aware that I was healthy and even now I know that my situation could be much much worse on so many levels. And still, this whole thing just blows me away some days.
Do the things you did before RA but in moderation.....

From the beginning I said I wouldn't give anything up and I haven't. I've modified the things I used to do so I can do them now. I have moderate to severe RA, on Remicade, Pred, Celebrex, mtx and other drugs plus an assortment of other illnesses. Some days I can barely hobble around so I do my art work or bead some jewelry. On the good days I hike or take walks. Not very far, but I'm still doing what I did before RA. I can't do weight bearing exercise so I lift 5 lb. weight. I do water aerobics instead of some other exercises. I have to use larger beads for my jewelry because I can't hold or manipulate the smaller beads. Stan helps me put the finishings on my pieces. I paint on larger canvases because I can't do the detail work that I did before. In fact I've started to do abstract painting on a larger scale and I love it. I meet my friends for dinner out or their house because I don't have the energy to do dinner parties. We still travel year round and we still go to our place in Mex. for 6 months of the year. I can't walk on the beach where we live because it's a hilly, uneven beach. We found a beautiful flat beach 3 miles away and I can walk just about a mile when I'm feeling good.

The secret is moderation and modifiying (a good pain pill helps) For me this is what works. There are a few things that I absolutely can't do like horseback riding and 4 wheeling in the desert. I grieve more for my looks. I know it's vain but all of a sudden I'm fat and I look older. RA has really aged me physically. Mentally I'm still 30 and I hope that I stay 30 forever. I plan on dying doing something that I love doing.
What you've all said has really resonated with me. I know I'm only a casual post-er but just popping in here to read the boards is always comforting.

When I get depressed about RA, some part of me knows it could be worse and that my situation isn't the worst case scenario, but sometimes it's not enough. It's like intellectually I know I'm still quite well off, because the medicines usually work, but emotionally, RA takes such a toll on me. I was diagnosed at 19, right when I was planning for the future, with big aspirations for my career after university, dreams of the ideal personal relationship and a family sometime down the track. Then all of a sudden, it all seemed in doubt. What I was trained for academically was now impractical for RA, and now I feel I'm going to be a burden on who ever I end up with. Like everyone has said, it's so hard to those without RA to really understand what we go through.

I've rambled some, but I think that this feeling about RA never really goes away because the disease itself is so persistent. Everyone has different ways of coping, and this forum is really a great way to express these kinds of feelings with people who understand.

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