This has been on mind for about 8 months and I just gotta get it off my chest.
I lost my job due to RA and complications from medications. I was a receptionist for about 5 years and had wonderful people to work with. We were not only co-workers but friends and shared lots of things and ddi things together.
When I was first dx my supervisor said she would pray for healing and asked daily how I felt and the director was constatnly asking if there was anything they could do to help make work easier...rearrange furniture, buy new furniture, etc. My friend(?)who worked in the office with me asked how I was doing on some days and on others she would just be very quiet. She was constantly tellign the super and director to do whataever was needed for me coz I was the best receptionist they had had in the 28 years she had been there.
when I was takenoff work on October 28, 2005 you know what I heard from her personally--NOTHING. And when I called the office to talk to another therapist my super answered the phone and I asked her how she was doing. She said (get this!!)I'm fine but there is a ton of work piled up here to do since you aren't here anymore and I'm trying to do the christian thing and get over being MAD at you for not being here anymore!! I still have not heard from my partner and friend. I was told that everyone at work asked about me everyday but my friend and my super would just not participatte in the conversation or say I'm keeping my opinions to myself. On eof them even said I was just looking for an excuse to quiat work coz I didn't want to work anyway!!
You know, these things hurt and when I dwell on them I get depressed. I know when other people were off at work due to whatever my friend would get them cards and have the whole office sign them and send them floers. I didn't even get a phone call. It ticks me off and hurts me at the same time
Thanks for listaening to me rant. I really appreciat ea the boards. They give good info and good laughs so I think I should oncentrate on the good stuff and forget the "other stuff" Deena, That is an awful way for them to treat you and I have found this type of behavior very common. I got the worse dose of it from my parents who "pray for me." It is ignorance and selfishness. And, they are very small people. What I have seen is that these people always get caught in the "what goes around, comes around." Also, I doubt others (outside these two) see it the same way. And, someday, you may hear that from someone you used to work with. It was a terrible way to treat you and two-faced. But it is because of ignorance and the fact that you did work hard and now they don't have you doing all that work. However, they just can't be kind about it. Even though my co-worker and boss are a lot more considerate than this, I do not get much compassion when I get really ill. There is a couple of exceptions and those exceptions, I will treasure all my life. When I was out for a month of not working, two of my friends got together and brought me a big teddy bear, food, a card and took me out to a good dinner. It was right at Christmas time. It was just the two of them, no one else in the group sent anything and I'm pretty sure that Kacie had tried. But it was like a miracle to me. I was having a terrible time physically, emotionally and financially. That food was put to good use. And, that bear sits on my bed to this day. You grab hold of those type of people in your life and cherish them. I call them "gold." And, you be glad that those others are no longer part of your life. You have right to feel hurt. But feel hurt and then celebrate that you don't have to look at them every day any more. And, they got stuck with all the work you used to do in spite of how sick you were. Gee, now they have to really work and that makes them mad. That's pretty low. Vent away. It's not good to keep these miseries locked inside. Deanna thanks for the reply. I am glad that you had "gold" people that helped you feel better. You are right and I'll get this hurt and anger outta my system and move on. Guess today is just a bad day (ffel like I've been run over by a train) and that was on my mind and I hate sittinga round hurting and crying--doesn't do a body good.
I've met that train and I have the same exact reaction. Go ahead and cry until it is all out. Then maybe your body will relax and that will help with the pain. I suspect that you are a "gold" person or you couldn't be hurt by this. Hang in there. Your value extends far beyond the perceptions of narrow-minded, heartless people. I hope feel better. When that train hits, it wipes me completely and I get depressed. It just can't be helped. Deanna you are pure gold
I have read many of your postings and you are indeed a blessing to have on this board!! You ahve lifted my spirits and I eally needed that today.
Thank you for being here. Train wreck survivor club now has 2 members
It would be so hard to have to give up your job, and, apart from the work, it provided you with social contact. I am lucky to be able to keep working part-time (a desk job) and I'm sure that it contributes to my self-esteem. I would probably get lonely without it and more depressed! And it is good for you to get it off your chest. I also agree with Deanna about suppressed feelings triggering flares (not that any of the arthritis books ever mention it). My current flare came on slowly last year, while I was dealing with my favourite brother's battle with and eventually death from lung cancer. He was ill for 9 months and my flare started about the same time and then took off majorly after he died in August. Trouble is, we don't have much control over stress like that do we?! Wendy Ladies, for several years I was a girl scout leader, and I made it my "mission" in life to teach my girls to like themselves and to learn to let go of all the things that make us feel bad about ourselves. Maybe one thing we did will help you, because I think ultimately what those uncaring, insensitive people did to you was make you feel bad about yourself. We took a piece of paper, drew a line down the middle. On one side we wrote down everything we didn't life about ourselves. And on the other we wrote everything we liked. That was a lot harder for all of us, because we had much more that we disliked than we liked. So we helped each other out if we got stuck, with genuine compliments. Then we tore the paper in half and threw all the things we didn't like about ourselves into the fire. The list of the things we liked we carried with us, so we could look at it whenever we needed to. It really did help all of us, old and young. I suggest you do the same. Write down all the things that were said and done that made you feel bad about yourself and then have your own little ceremony to burn it up and get rid of it. You don't need to waste another second of your precious life on that garbage! Get rid of it once and for all. And don't forget to keep a list of the things that you like about yourself and check it often, and add to it, cause you're only going to improve with age!
Like the idea of putting likes and dislikes on paper. I'll burn half and put the other halfon my fridge where I can see it daily. Might just help when I get down about other things too!! Thanks!!!
However, on the good side, there are 2 or 3 true friends I have made at different jobs who DID stay in touch and DID maintain the friendship. Maybe it is just the REAL test of the friendship if the people involved are prepared to make the extra effort it requires to stay connected when one leaves the place of work.
Deanna is right, even pent up emotions can cause flare-ups, and though I'm very new to all of this, I'm betting it's still affecting me because I still think about everything that happened to me. It's so hard to let go of. I've told myself that they'll "get theirs" someday for what they did to me. I also try to tell myself that I came out the winner because I'm free and away from them, but it's still hard to forget how they crucified me. I'm a "gold" person, I think, because I always expect the best from people, and I'm always shocked when they dig a knife into my back. I know I was an excellent teacher because my students told me.
I'm thinking that maybe I should seek counseling. Even though I feel happy, maybe I'm still harboring resentment and don't realize it. Maybe you could do that, too. Thanks for bringing this to the forum. I wish you all the best. Just remember to talk to yourself in self-fullfilling ways..."I am a person of worth."
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