This has been on mind for about 8 months and I just gotta get it off my chest.
I lost my job due to RA and complications from medications. I was a receptionist for about 5 years and had wonderful people to work with. We were not only co-workers but friends and shared lots of things and ddi things together.
When I was first dx my supervisor said she would pray for healing and asked daily how I felt and the director was constatnly asking if there was anything they could do to help make work easier...rearrange furniture, buy new furniture, etc. My friend(?)who worked in the office with me asked how I was doing on some days and on others she would just be very quiet. She was constantly tellign the super and director to do whataever was needed for me coz I was the best receptionist they had had in the 28 years she had been there.
when I was takenoff work on October 28, 2005 you know what I heard from her personally--NOTHING. And when I called the office to talk to another therapist my super answered the phone and I asked her how she was doing. She said (get this!!)I'm fine but there is a ton of work piled up here to do since you aren't here anymore and I'm trying to do the christian thing and get over being MAD at you for not being here anymore!! I still have not heard from my partner and friend(?). I was told that everyone at work asked about me everyday but my friend and my super would just not participatte in the conversation or say I'm keeping my opinions to myself. On eof them even said I was just looking for an excuse to quiat work coz I didn't want to work anyway!! I loved my job!!
You know, these things hurt and when I dwell on them I get depressed. I know when other people were off at work due to whatever my friend would get them cards and have the whole office sign them and send them floers. I didn't even get a phone call. It ticks me off and hurts me at the same time
Thanks for listaening to me rant. I really appreciat ea the boards. They give good info and good laughs so I think I should oncentrate on the good stuff and forget the "other stuff" Diane I have already done all that, except sending a card. I have sent more emails than I can count and have not receied any replies. Guess I'll jsut have to look at it as their loss and move on. You mean ther are days we dont look sick LOL!! Maybe if we painted big purple and pink splotches on us people would act different toward us...yep-right to the looney bin I go.You are right, it is their loss. I wouldn't waste any more time on them. I know it must be awfully hard to stop working at a job you love and to lose the social connections too. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I would not send them a nice card but an open letter explaining your
true feelings. They probably have NO idea what you are really
going through. If you had cancer they wouldn't be treating you
like crap. People minimize RA and I really think would serve your
needs well by telling them the harsh reality of what you live
through. I really am sure they have NO idea what you are going
through. The only way to get through this is through true
understanding. ONWARD AND UPWARD from now on. You know I think I have many friends on this board. You guys have already been here for me and my friends "arthir" than my super and coworker ever were!! Everyone on here is GRAND
Hats off to everyone
They have seen me in action (or lack of action) with the Ra and know what it does to me. So I guess they'll have to deal with their own feelings of selfishness--they actually have to do their jobs now that Im not there to do it for them. I think they get the RA thing but since it interferred with them too they'd rather treat me like crap than admit there is a problem with their own laziness. Did I say thatWell, you know them better than I do. I always hated office
politics. It seems there is always someone henpecking someone
else. People amaze me at how bad they can treat others for no
reason sometimes. I really am not impressed with the human race
sometimes. I am always amazed at the number of people that will
cut me off in traffic and shove their way in front of me in the
checkout line. Politics suck no matter where they are and a lot of the human race does too!! Sad isn't it? These boards area proof taht there are many good people out there. I think that I know more good ones than bad ones thank God!!!! Try not to dwell on it too much Deena. Fiona makes a very good point; and chances are it's nothing personal....but try not to let it bring you down. You've got tons of things to be down about. Try to eliminate the ones that you can; This being one of them. Cheer up. Things will get easier eventually. Don't give up. I don't blame you for being upset. It would have hurt my feelings too. When I left my job 4 months ago there was a few people in my office that talked about me and that I just wanted an excuss to not work and of course that comment we all love to hear, you sure look fine. For the most part I still hear from the people I conscider my freinds. (to keep me updated on the office drama, and so they can vent). My boss who was supportive of me leaving because of my RA (we worked very close together on a daily basis, and it was a small 9 person office) called me yesterday to ask me how I did something. I haven't heard from her in 3 months, when I left I asked her if she needed me to go over anything with her, no-one, expes. her knew what what all I did on a daily basis to keep the OR rooms running smoothly, offices, the staff, Dr's and Anesthia. happy with the schedule. She said no she didn't need to know because she was going to filling my shoes for a while and that they were going to take a different approch to the schedule. Ha ha, did that ever backfire on her. She's been chewed out a ton of times since I left because of mistakes. Maybe I should'nt think it's funny, but she should'nt have been so cocky when I offered to help. I should probably have laughed at her and not helped, but I have "SUCKER" written on my forhead. Anyway, sorry for my blah, blah, blah! I need guess I needed to get that of my chest too! Try to forget about your former fake freind. She doesn't sound like she's worth taking up any space in your life. One thing that might help all of us to deal with the reactions of others is something I began to realize over time. It doesn't excuse their behavior, but it somewhat explains part of it. Basically, when others see a strong person get sick, really sick, it makes them afraid because they realize on some level that it could happen to them just as easily. They want to stay away from that. It is fear that motivates them. When so many of you write about your lives before RA, it is clear that practically everyone was real go-getters in their lives. Some of you were pushing the limit on more than one area of your life. It's hard to see someone crash and burn. Then, somehow they make the correlation that this kind of thing could happen to them. They just blow off our fatigue and hurting joints as getting older. Lazy, ha, I like that one! Lazy people don't go out looking for answers to their problems, they just wallow in them. I might not look sick, but there are many days when my co-workers are forced to deal with my reality. I don't let them slide on this. I didn't deserve this. I wasn't evil. I'm not a lower life form. I am ill and struggling every day the best I can. And, that is all anyone of us can do. Sometimes, that means we can do no more than suffer in pain on the couch or bed. Other days, we are out swimming. Holding hope is the hardest thing of all, but in the end, it is what we have the most of. I get tired of having to exert twice the effort just to get through a day. And, I hate working in extreme pain all day. I really hate when others brush it off as nothing. I hope I am never that shallow. It has made me very aware of other people though. "What are they going through?" I wonder. Compassion is a wonderful gift. There is so little of it in the world. There's an endless supply of jerks. Here, we spread compassion.
I am sure that it does hurt. People have their own personal motives for things and it is hard to figure out why they behave the way they do. I think sometimes it is really hard for anyone, even the ones closest to us, to understand. We don't look sick. We get around fine some days, not others. Heck, sometimes I even think that I am just crazy. Try to forgive them for hurting you. Maybe you should send them a card. You could let them know you appreciate their efforts to accommodate you before you left and that you miss them, and you wish that you did not have to leave work due to your illness. It might make them think more about the way they have treated you since you left.
Diane
The way they treat you is ridiculous and there is no justification for
it, but if you really care about them, I would say it is worth
explaining to them what day with RA is like and the pain you go through
and how terrible it is. People don't understand and won't unless
you explain it to them -- and even then, they might not totally get it.
I guess I need to remember all those good people that do good things too. There are lots of them out there too.
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