I want to know....how long do these meds take to work? My husband is on Humira and has had 2 shots and been on Plaquenil for 1 1/2 months and his pain is terrible. I am starting to blame the doctors for not helping me with this situation I am in, not helping him with pain control. He is going to the dr. tomorrow and they are going to lay into him about the drinking. Now when he complains about his pain I have nothing to say...he doesn't want me around anymore to see him suffer and he is doing nothing to help himself so I have no sympathy.
All of the various treatments take time to work and sometimes the first treatment you try might not work....but I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that your husbands choice of lifestyles contributes to his problems. It's not only physical it's mental and his mental state is horrible and that contributes greatly to his poor health.
I know you are having a difficult time but blame the person that needs to be blamed instead of pointing the finger elsewhere. That won't help your husband....it will only help him prolong his problems.
It sounds like you are to the point where you need to worry about you and your daughter and let your husband worry about himself and his various problems.
I don't mean that to be mean....but I'm not sure you can help this man without dragging yourself and your daughter down to a dangerous level.
It's not the doctor's fault. He already has an addictive personality. The doctor's didn't make that and it makes it even more difficult for them to treat them.
That short amount of time is probably not going to give him much relief. In the initial short term, they use prednisone and anti-inflammatories to deal with the problem.
He has been trying to self-medicate with the drugs and alcholol but this is not from the RA. He hasn't something else going on like a chemical imbalance in his brain such as being bipolar or something else. And as long as he is doing either drugs or alchohol, he is going stay sick. You just can't take some of these meds with alchohol.
Truly, it is his behavior that is the problem and not his doctor's.
He's probable able to work without drinking because he's not drinking!! When you see him barely able to move he's coming off a drunk he probable shouldn't have been on to begin with.
Many of us here have a drink on occations even on medications like Methotrexate; myself included BUT few of us drink to the point of drunk on a regular basis because it's very dangerous with our meds and we feel much worse after doing so.
Try to narrow it down. When he's been at his worst what was he doing in the days prior to it?
Yeah...I just hope tomorrow when he talks to the doctor that they set him straight...maybe they will see something that I can't. He has not been drinking much and I THINK he stopped his Pred. not wean himself off which may have caused his severe pain right now.If he stopped his prednisone suddenly, that will make him hurt. It is also dangerous. He is acting very immature.
You are going have to separate yourself from his illness and him. You cannot help him because he hasn't decided to come to terms with any part of it. His doctors are going to have a hard time helping him as well.
You must let him go as painful as that is and even though it goes against your nature. You cannot help him in this condition.
Look, he is being a whimp about the whole thing. That sounds mean. But it's the truth. I deal with extreme pain, terrible finances, have a daughter with a similar set of problems. But I don't drink. I'm not abusive to others. I don't sell drugs. I am not cruel to others.
I face it. My daughter, who is poorly equipped to deal with life as she is bipolar, has an anxiety disorder, has postraumatic stress, and borderline personality, deals. She also has fibromylagia, endometriosis and a bulging disc. She is on serious medicines for her pain. But she will not drink and she does follow the doctor's instructions. If she can face all that, I think he could face up to at least some of his own personal responsibility.
That's where the responsibility lies, with him. If he had accepted it earlier, you might could have helped him. But as long as he takes this path of avoidance, there is nothing you can do. You must let the wall rise between the two of you. And, hopefully, on his side of the wall, he will finally see a mirror that shows him himself.
This is one case where letting him go is the kindest thing you can do for him.
Talk about misdirected anger, last post you were leaving and didn't care, now your problems are because of RA doctor's. Get some perspective.my perspective is I do not have this illness and I do not understand it so I came to YOU to understand. I believe doctors should recognize symptoms and treat them and he is showing symptoms that he needs pain management. I am leaving him, I have not changed on that decision...I am thinking of me and my daughter now. He has good doctors but the first thing she said was "if you are a drinker I won't give you Metho because it damages the liver." I feel she could have possibly saved him BY giving him methotrexate then he couldn't drink. My husband is an alcoholic, he does not get drunk every day, maybe a few times a month but he drinks almost every day wheter that means on ebeer or 3 a night, he drinks. He is not physically abusive but the combination of alcohol, pain and coping with this illness has messed him up. He doesn't want to talk about it, he will not give up the lifestyle he has been living and it is slowly killing him. He gets no sleep, he works 12 hours a day and is in pain...I have seent he pain and he feels pathetic. As a person can you understand what it is to have your future in the balance, your position as the head of household - the main breadwinner not being able to use you hands, not wanting people to treat you differently because of your illness and feel sorry for you. You all have been there at the beginning and that is what he is dealing with...he just chooses to do it alone and I have to respect that and leave. We still love each other but until he learns to COPE and TREAT his illness he will never be well. I FULLy understand the perspective so don't EVER think I don't have a handle on the perspective. I pity him and I love him...you try to be in my position, then we will talk. I don't come here and judge people, apparently you do so I will not be returning here. ariandme, I worked for 10 years with very aggressive RA, I would work 8-10 hours a day and then come home and collapse in pain. I was recently forced to leave work when I could no longer walk or use my hands because of destruction to my joints from RA and work. My wife was forced to go to work after staying home with my son for his first 11 years. Do not tell me I do not understand. I can no longer play a simple game of catch with my son. I live in constant pain and have seen my life stolen from me by this disease. You said you are blaming the dr. for not helping you with your situation, when you know it is his fault, Metho wouldn't keep him from drinking, the Dr. knows this, you need to place blame where it belongs on him. Sorry you don't see it this way. If it helps you you can also blame me.[QUOTE=ariandme] I don't come here and judge people, apparently you do so I will not be returning here. [/QUOTE]
I will say am sorry for all that you have been going through lately. And I have been biting my tongue for quite some time as I really do not like to get involved in the "drama" that some boards can go through, but I had to speak up here. You have been to another forum and complained about the people on this one and stated you would not return here because you didn't like the advice you received here. Yet you keep posting.
I apologize to everyone in advance. I'm just getting tired of seeing negative posts on one board and then posts asking for help back here. I guess I feel a little protective of the posters that are on this board as they have become my friends in this journey of dealing with this disease. They have done nothing but answer your posts and give you help and concern.
ariandme I feel for you. I have read your posts and people on here have done nothing but try to help you, offer you advice, their sympathy and friendship yet you go somewhere else and talk bad about them. Seems to me that things are getting harder for you and though you say you are leaving your husband you defend him saying his condition is now the doctors fault. Have you or he read on the dangers of alcohol or drugs with his medications. Sounds to me like you should be thanking the doctors for NOT giving him meds that don't mix with his addictions-you may have been on here asking for condolences instead of FRIENDLY people to talk to.
Stop defending him, he is a big boy and how HE CHOSES to deal with this illness is his decision not yours. Take care of yourself and your daughter and if he loves you like you say he tells you he does and if you and your daughter are important to him, he'll straighten himself up and maybe then you two can get back together. There is nothing more precious than your child-let no man or woman stand in the way of taking care of her and giving her a good life-free of the stress and worry of watching what you are going through with your husband.
Your anger to some of the responses you have received on this thread makes me feel like you somehow feel guilty for what is going on in your life. Don't go there!!! Change what you have control of that is making you miserable. The things you can't change will only drag you down and make you a worried and bitter person.
I wish you and your daughter well. I will be praying for both of you. And I will be praying that your husband wakes up and takes control of his health and his life.