I don't know what is going on with me. The last four days I have really gone downhill. I don't think I could work and they could call me to come in any day. My RA is driving me crazy. The ups and downs are so hard to accept. I feel bipolar. Good mood one day, down the next. Want to work one day, don't know how I can the next. The water exercise did feel good when I was doing it. Exercise has always helped me when I am feeling down but .......... today was my Enbrel day. I usually start feeling better but I am sore all over and exhausted big time. So sick of laying around. EVERYTHING feels like a chore. I should be working on disability papers IF I decide to go that route but don't feel like I can focus. Paying late charges on bills just because I don't get around to paying them. Then when I feel up to getting out, I spend money I shouldn't just trying to cheer up. It is like life has just come to a halt or at least my ability to navigate it. I don't want to be dependent on anyone but I keep hoping when Brett is home I am going to even out. Have you ever heard of RA leading to insanity
No, I am afraid this is the way it is sometimes. You have been under stress for quite awhile with a lot of important decisions to make. Plus, you don't have your major support with you, Brett. Whenever I am under a lot of stresses or a lot of changes are occurring in my life now that I have RA, my body acts just this way.
This soreness one day and then fine the next is so common that when I have been in physical therapy, that we back off. This is not at my request but because they are trained to know it is part of the illness. Those same muscles that supported you just the day before can't today. It isn't your imagination. It really works that way. Just back off a bit and rest some more.
I know that is hard. I hate resting. It feels like some kind of punishment to me, like I've been grounded. I would suspect it is even worse for you because you have always been such a physically active person.
When your body is in this sinking pattern, it does put your mind in kind of a fog. People with Lupus and Chronic Fatigue really experience this. You just can't think as clearly. But I have noticed quite a difference on my down days in my ability to concentrate. It is an extreme chore on those days. When I really flared, for instance, I cannot win one single game of solataire on the computer. Good days, it's boring because I keep winning. Sometimes, I use just this thing to gauge my well being.
So, while it feels like you are going crazy, you are not.
What you shouldn't try to do is your disability paperwork. That is emotional and stressful. Set it aside. Only pay any bills that are going to get you trouble. Otherwise, set them aside. I have to do this. Pick them up after you have rested and bounced back up.
And this up and down is what makes the decision of working/not working so extremely difficult. On a good day, you probably can run circles around other people. On a bad day, you can barely move, think, feel depressed.
Just accept it is a bad day. It won't last. You'll rest. You'll take care of yourself and you'll hit a good day again.
I wish it wasn't this way. I hate it as much as you. But after six years, this is the way my life goes. Up and down, just like being on the waves of an ocean. Up and down, just like going over the hills of trek in the mountains. It has a rhythm to it. When you find yours, you will learn to cope with it better.
Hang in there, Roxy. It will get better.
I've been at it 12 years now....and it's just like Deanna said even now. ups and downs. I have found one thing that gets me up every morning and pulls me up as I side down. Positive thinking. Every med I've tried wears off eventually but the Power of Positive Thinking is something that's helped me all along.
Roxy~right after you came to AI I recommended a book to you called "The Powers of Positive Thinking" by: Norman Vincent Peele. I remember you told me you ordered it. Have you read this book? Have you tried to apply these stradeagies (Can't spell that; sorry!) to your own life? Positive thinking isn't just something that happens. It's a retraining of your daily thinking that changes your life and you have to work at it.
You have to retrain your daily thoughts. Before you even get out of bed in the morning say to yourself: "Today will be a good day", "I can manage any task I choose to give my all to" "I'm excited about today" Fill your head with positive up lifting messages even if you don't believe a single one of them. EVERYTIME a negative thought like "I feel so down today." "I'm losing my youth." "I can't do anything I enjoy anymore" Counter act it with something positive:"I will give my all to this day" "I have hiden talents that have yet to be exposed" I don't know what your hopes are....but you've got to find some my friend.
I've also been reading a book lately called "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen and I'm getting so much out of his ministry. I've never really been big on religion but I have been very spititual since my late teens. Applying those positve thinking practices along with practical Christianity has truely given me a whole new hope for life. Do I still live with pain and illness in my life on a daily basis? Yeah; I do....but mentally I've learned to deal with it on an entirelly new level. It's made all the difference in the world.
I think you should put a lot of thought into packing up life as you know it there and going to where ever your husbands business is. Being alone is very hard to handle; especially when you have a love as special as yours and you aren't together. Why not go to where he is?
Hope you feel better soon Roxy.
I don't know if it helps, but I feel exactly like you Roxy. But it's not insanity, just RA.Two great replies, and lots of excellent suggestions.
Lovie...I love watching Joel Osteen on TV... His smile is so contagious. He has such a calming effect when speaking.
Roxy, not sure what else I can add other than to say I feel the same way at times. We are not crazy, just dealing with an unpredictable, difficult disease. I hope things get better for you.
-HUGS
Thanks all, I thought I was going nuts too. Glad to know we are all nuts in this together
Roxy, I feel the same way too. When I'm down I can't immagine working or doing anything for that matter. I think we have to gage our lives on the good days, not the bad. Try to get a reasonable work situation that won't completely wear you out. Try it knowing that some days you might just have to call in sick. At the same time, have all your ducks in line for disability if it comes to that. You can do all the paperwork and not send it in, or you can send it in(saving a copy for later if you need it.) They will either accept you or reject you for disability at which time it's out of your hands. I know a friend who applied for and got disability and then decided to continue working for several more years. Realize that you're having a bad day and don't make any earth shattering decisions until you have a better day.Everything he says makes so much sense to me. It is contagious...all of it. From his smile right down to his ways of thinking. You have to first just get yourself into the right state of mind to receive it I think.
I don't mean to sound like a preacher or anything but I honestly believe it makes an enormous difference in my life.
He has a great website if anyone is interested.
Hang in there Roxy
I agree with Lovie about the positive thinking although there are some days it's a chore just to think anything. If things you are used to doing aren't fun, try something off the wall you've never done before.
Last night I was to meet my mom to go to church and while I was waiting for ehr I was parked in a lot by a red light. Some people SHOULD NOT have a license. And the things they do when they think no one is looking....nose pickers have to be the funniest....there's gold in there, I just know it! Laughter helps me a lot.. rent some comedies or just go people watching.
When Mike is at work and the dog has had enough of me and gone to the basement I turn on the radio and sing at the top of my lungs and I definitely cannot carry a tune in a bucket. Course if anybody came over while I was singing like that I wouldn't have to worry about a thing coz I'd die of embarrassment right on the spot
I'll keep you in my thoughts(when I can control them)and as always EVERYONE on the boards are in my nightly prayers. Thanks you guys. I feel so worn out today. I wish I could stay in the now and not be afraid of the future. Lovie, I swear, I start my day excited and positive, then when it hits me, it hits me hard. I feel so lost. I have such a hard time knowing what to do with myself when I don't feel well. Laying around is so bad for me. I depended on exercise to deal with my life. I am grateful I am doing the water exercise but it amazes me how simple tasks are such an effort. MY GOD, I have housekeeping, gardening, and dog walking at my disposal. That is pretty spoiled and I still feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities when I feel this way. I NEED exercise. I know a lot of people have not had that lifestyle but it is like an addiction. It seemed to solve all my problems. Now I am grinning from ear to ear when I am in the water and keeping up with the instructor but when I get home - I am exhausted and in pain - it seems like all I have is water exercise and my pets. Those are my solace along with phone calls from hubby. I just pray we can be together more. He can help me with starting projects. I need projects that I can rest every twenty minutes but it makes me feel like I am expressing myself. I really do feel so moody and I am not on prednisone. I am upping my prozac to 60 mg. That depresses me in itself, more poison for my body but I feel desperate to even out my moods. I go to court for Kelsey in July and I want to feel grounded and confident. I also don't want to be a burden for my husband - I want to give him joy. I am so grateful to all of you to let me express all these fears. I am praying too. RA has done a number on me and I want to figure out how to not let it run my life, personality, and passions. Thank you all. On the handout on RA, there was no mention of being crazy. Now, that I am sure that I am certifiable, do you think I could get my money back on it? Yes, a refund is definitely required at this point. RA has done a number on me and I want to figure out how to not let it run my life, personality, and passions. Thank you all. [/QUOTE] I think a lot of us feel this way. I know I do. And I fight it on a daily basis. Maybe that's because I'm still pretty new at dealing with it? I don't know...does it get easier as the years go on? My passion was exercising as well. I was studying to become a personal trainer, worked out with heavy weights 3 - 4 times a week, ate right, and was going to enter a figure competition this fall. Now that is all gone. Hopefully only for the time being, until I get my body under control. But it is certainly taking a long time and who knows if I'll ever get back to it. If I do, it will be different. Not so sure I can make a career of becoming a personal trainer when I can't lift a 5lb weight myself. And who knows when I'll be flaring. I dunno...We just have to take it one day at a time and support each other along the way. Actually Training Girl I think you would be wonderful at it. I never see my trainers work out. And you would have an understanding that would be inspiring. Knowledge is such a big part of being a good trainer. That became very clear to me when they were working with me. Training Girl, I am absolutely the worst at learning physical things. When I was working with my fitness trainer, we finally agreed that I have some kind of mental disconnect between my mind and body. He would explain what I needed to do and I would just give him this, huh? look. And, I was this way before I had RA. I have always been bad. There isn't any coordination in my body. For instance, I tried rollerskating. I took my kids faithfully every Saturday for 3 years. I got right out there with them. They became wonderful skaters. But they finally begged me never, ever to go out on the floor again. They were tired of seeing the blood as I continued to be just as bad a skater as the first time I went out there. Then, I tried water skiing. I love the water! Well, I could never get up on the skiis. They dragged me around that lake all summer long, head first, butt first, but never vertical. Everyone had so much entertainment and truthfully I had a ball but I never got up on those skiis. I have had to take each little exercise and really had to learn on it. Hey, I even flunked the President's Physical Fitness test in high school (I was recovering from pneumonia, but still... it was humilating.) When I finished the physical fitness training, my trainer took polaroids of all the exercises for me so I could remember them and put them in a little photo album for me. So people like me really need a lot of help. And, then there are all the aging population who are dealing with the loss of function. And, you will get better at doing it all again. Every time I slack off, I just start over with the basics and work up again. If I flare, I back off. Then I start again. And, as I said I am not athelete and have the full motivation of a whimp. I'm sure that something that you have loved and dreamed about can still be a possibility and may actually be your saving grace with this illlness because you will be working all the time to keep your function. You go girl! Jeanne, I try to apply what I have learned about alcoholism to ra all the time. It makes sense. I am a worrier and that only makes my disease worse. I was obsessively goal oriented before ra. I still am but can't figure out what goals I can set. My husband doesn't worry about the future, I don't know why I do so much. I spend too much time alone and I let my head get spinning. I miss reading. When I am doing good with my ra I can read, but when I am not, I can't remember the last paragraph. I truly believe that everyone with this dreadful disease should have the option of disability. The idea of fighting for that exhausts me just thinking about it. If I were not tied to my job right now I would go be with my family. I don't like being around anyone I am not close to anymore. My life has become so blah and I feel like I have nothing to talk about - my aches and pains, how much I miss my work, my hikes and now my hubby
Tara, I hope you and Linda K get better soon. I have never had it but I know shingles is miserable. PS Deanna, You were cracking me up when you were talking about trying to exercise. My first day water skiing was just like you. My friends would laugh so hard at my long skinny legs wobbling trying to get up just to crash in the water. I ended up loving water skiing. I ice skate like you roller skate
Now I need to know if I have the flu or ra. I have been feeling like sh*t. These aches and pains have been going on for days. Not like a normal flare like a body part, it is my whole body. Flu or RA ? Whatever! They are not qualified to diagnose such things. Even here, when we give each other advice, most everyone prefaces with get your doctor's opinion. Roxy, I truly think you are just going through a very rough transition. With RA, it just throws you all over the place. Remember, I have a bipolar daughter and I'm not seeing it. A lot of people like to throw that kind of "expert" advice when someone is feeling a bit depressed. But you have reasons to feel depressed even without RA. Add that on top and it's a wonder you don't go screaming out into the wilderness. Now, as far as you feel, I think you are flaring and you probably need to bite the bullet and see your RD. You already said it was harder to exercise. This is one indicator. Getting down like this can be another sign you are flaring. Call the RD and get in. Now, if that doc says you might problems, well ok, you might. But I dont' think that is what you will hear. If you also feel like you have the flu, then that's a flare not a mental breakdown. Of course, when I feel like that, I would just as soon have mental breakdown and get over with. Go see the real doctor. Mention that your are feeling depressed but be sure to include your very valid reasons for it. Work or SS. Brett, oh Brett, where's Brett. Pain, flu, achy, lonely. Hmmm...sounds a bit depressing. I loved being on the Remicade. You have it less often and you don't have to keep anything refrigerated. I felt so much better on the Remicade than I do on Enbrel. The infusions really are not that bad and the nurses are doing them constantly so they are very good with the IVs. I found it really relaxing because it makes you sleepy since they give you Benadryl the first few times. When I was on Remicade, I was able to workout and do things I just can't now. My doc would love to put me back on but the insurance won't cover it. It's worth a chance. If you really, really have a hard time with the IV, ask if they can give you something to calm you down first. There will probably be other patients in there just like you. Take a good book and be ready to relax. Be sure you're hydrated first so it's easier to do the IV. My daughter is a very hard stick so I know it's tough. But you're one tough lady. Take a chance on making yourself feel better. Hi Roxy-just a quick note-getting ready to head home from work. But wanted to second Deanna's comments. I love the remicade. I don't have to worry about having the meds delivered, refrigiration, giving the shot, etc. The transfusions aren't bad at all. I go next wed for my next one. It is very relaxing and I take a book and the nurses are really nice. It takes them a long time to find my vain but they always manage to find it and do a good job with no pain. The have nice relaxing chairs and blanket & cookies!! The other thing I like is that there are usually a couple of other people there at the same time and it's great to hear their stories and learnings. bye for now...tara I've thought for sometime now Roxy that a change might be good....I wouldn't hesitate if I was you. You've had to be off your Enbrel so many times I think this might be a good switch. I can understand about the traveling thing; but how often are you traveling now? You can't even think about being away from home at this point. Sure would be nice to have somewhat of a life back wouldn't it? Don't just blow off the idea. It might be a good one. Roxy, I feel the same way. Sometimes my memory is bad it scares me. The tiredness & the pain & the terrible constant sweating drives me crazy. I'm thankful to be taking Zoloft. Lord only knows where my mind would be taking me. It has taken me 2 days to houseclean my kitchen, when it use to take me 1 day. I can't seem to get use to all this, but I have no choice but to get use to it. My RD increased my MTX to 6 pills. I started yesterday, as I had to wait for blood results to come back. I hope you feel better Trisha I am going to delete comment about being bipolar. I thought it was both funny and it pissed me off. I should not have shared it. My problem is I try to act happy when I am not because I believe that it can create happiness. Sometimes I am successful but RA is a formidable adversary. I am having an identity crisis and after a lifetime of my life being full of strenuous activity and really being an exercise addict, I am in an identity crisis. I also miss my hubby who has been gone over two months, way too long and there is always a piece of me that is grieving my daughter's illness. I am also self isolating because I don't feel social since all my waking thoughts seem to be how to cope with my ra today. Not much conversation and I hate superficial conversation. I used to share my adventures or the books I was reading and how they inspired my thinking. Well, pain pills took away reading and ra took away the adventures. I will be seeing a counselor. It doesn't bother me to pay to dump on someone and I am filled with grief. I can't seem to get to a place of acceptance. I'm new here. But I thought I would help out some... Bipolar disorder is characterized by two extremes - the polar opposites that give the condition its name. Signs and symptoms of the manic phase (Bipolar I): Hypomania (Bipolar II) refers to an episode with less extreme symptoms than full-blown mania. Although bipolar disorder can be diagnosed from just a manic episode, most persons with this disorder also experience the other extreme, depression. Signs and symptoms of the depressive state: Great Post, Fiona.
Trisha You know I think I could be diagnosed clinically depressed because their is no doubt the majority of my days are spent trying to deal with my depression. Also, I was thinking, I probably exhibit "addictive" behaviors because there is no doubt that I was addicted to exercise. I used it to deal with all of my negative emotions or sadness. So I guess I am going through withdrawals. I wrote about that pm because my frustration with boards is that I look at this board kind of like group therapy. In group therapy, you are under the scrutiny of the entire group - so when you have a policy of when you want to criticize or judge someone harshly you do it in private, it leaves vulnerable people who need these boards open to attack. I have needed this board. I have gone to counseling off and on throughout my life. It does not embarass me. After my divorce, after my daughter became ill and I have gone to counseling for dealing with my ra. My husband and I also do phone counseling provided by his employer to deal with his long absences and my coping strategies. I have no problem taking advice but when advice is given with sincerity and compassion but just to be vindictive I get angry. It is hard to shrug off when you need a safe place to go to release all the paranoid thoughts and pain and fear and isolation that ra causes. Roxy, I'm so sorry that you had to be upset. My gosh, we have enough problems with this RA & whatever other things in our lives that causes us pain & misery to read something like that. I've only been on this board since April & have found it to be a safe haven to go & ask questions & to just join in. I know about the depression because I have it from time to time. I also find myself feeling sorry for myself. We are all sisters in this. I thank my Zoloft and this board for it's help. You take your mind off that dumb post and find the way to Constantinople! LOL You take care honey,
Trisha I don't know about your RD's offices but mine has counselors in office. If they don't have that then I am sure that your RD can recommend one. Even though you are doing acupuncture, water therapy, changed your diet, and upped your antidepressent meds, I don't think I would wait 6 months and I will tell you why... 6 months is 6 months more joint damage, 6 months more pain, 6 months more anguish, etc. It has been my experience that if a med doesn't help within 3 months then no matter how high the dose goes or what you do it still won't help. Maybe they could add MTX with your Enbrel? [QUOTE=roxy]I always measured my success in life by what I was accomplishing.[/QUOTE] Same here and this is what I've learned. I have to measure my success by who I become inside. The growth there is what makes a difference not only in my life, but hopefully in others. Inside my being, this disease cannot reach my soul. I might be depressed. I might want to give up. But in reality, my soul remains and it can grow. My best friend gave me this wonderful, hand-painted blanket with all these cool sayings. I love this thing. It says: Being a succulent wild woman. Be delicious. Eat mangos naked lick the juice off your arms (Not me, I hate mangos. I know only one in the world.) Discover your own goodness. Smile when you feel like it. Be rare, eccentric and original. (I live for that one! One day, I intend to be the most eccentric old person alive. I'm planning on living past 93. I have to beat my grandmother.) Describe yourself as marvelous. Paint your soul. Investigate your dark places with a flashlight. Make more mistakes. Tell the truth faster. Celebrate your gorgeous friendships with women. You are enough. You have enough. You do enough. by Sark Pretty cool huh? I wanted to make a comment on a post here, I do realize I am a tad late with it but I feel it is important for everyone to know concerning the Bi-Polar. The characteristics delineated (listed) are all true, the dx does not come about unless these characteristics are : The characteristics are diagnostic markers when assessed by a licensed professional in the field of Psycholgy/counseling Psychologywith many other variables and has to cause harm to the person or others or has to have occured over a series of more than 6 months, continuously. There is much truth in that most all people fall in somewhere along the continuum, like a pain scale, if you are at a pain # of 1 or 2...yeah ya just don't feel that great and have pain but can function, but, if you are at an 8 or a 10, you have a problem and probably cannot function too well if at all. ; A decade. You have to come to terms with the fact that you are now different. You are now an arthritic and your life will have to re-adjust to meet your new needs. Once you get your depression fixed the rest of the pieces should fall into place eventually. You just have to realise these things. No matter the drugs, no matter the treatment, odds are you won't be 100% normal you may not even be 75% of your normal self. But what the goal is is to make your pain level tolerable. It will never go away completely. I will say a prayer for you Roxy. I hope you follow my advice. Roxy, it sounds to me like you are going through the same normal emotions that all of us go through with RA...I think that yours are just more exagerated because you are lonely and missing your husband so much. I mean you have all of us, but being on the computer and haveing real human interaction are two totally different things. You know that your RA isnt going to change when Brett gets home, but you will be happier to have him around again. That will help your stress level and maybe, just maybe your RA symptoms will be a little bit better or at least a little bit easier to deal with. I swear if I were rich, I would fly around the world visiting my RA friends to help with house work, go fight with doctors, and just hang out and sip hot coccoa and be a shoulder to cry on...or a pal to play cards with. I would just be an on-call buddy.
Roxy, I come to your house first untill Brett got home, and then I would be off to Deanna's place. Who's next? Dillian, You are right about the depression being the highest priority. I don't abuse drugs or alcohol, in fact I hate the pain pills but do take darvocett everyday. No high just some relief. The depression is what feels so devastating. I have a hard time with meds. I was on another antidepressant and it gave me migraines. When my doctor finds something I can tolerate, we stay with it. You know the pain I am in now I can deal with. The achey flu like feeling and fatigue is what is getting to me. It used to be pain, that is why I know the meds are working but the acheys and fatigue make me feel so useless. Not motivated. I do what I can do then exhaustion sets in. Come visit me Crunchy and bring Deanna along. That will be a cure for sure
Dillion, thanks for sharing about your history/experiences with ra. I have been diagnosed 1 1/2 yrs., and I still haven't come to terms with it. I keep thinking "what's wrong with me? Why am I no longer able to function normally"...etc., then the depression comes in, etc. It's funny because I'll read or hear about ra being a disease and all the ways it can impact your life, and I'll say to myself, "really? I have ra and it's really a disease?
Hang in there Roxy. I know what it's like to be alone. Does Brett come back soon?
Roxy, I am bipolar, medicated and clinically sane for over ten years. I have these ups and downs too and it is RA. Believe me I know the difference. Some days I feel great, other days I wake up I can barely lift my arms because my shoulders are killing and getting the shampoo out of the bottle becomes the greatest challenge. On those days, all I want to do is stay in bed and cry. Some days I keep fighting, and some days I give in. But, as long as I keep fighting most of the time I feel pretty good. Keep fighting. I think it is important to shape your own life not let RA shape it for you. I was actually diagnosed in Feb., 2005. I actually started by having a bad repetitive stress injury at work with my writs and hands being swollen and sore. I was out for workers comp, going to therapy, etc., and just got worse instead of better. At one point, in Dec., 2004 everything was bad....knees and shoulders too. Could hardly get on and off the bus, go to the bathroom, etc. Anyway, in Feb., my w/c doctor gave me a medrol pak-and man, what a difference. Course it all came back when I was through. So he said since my sed rate was 94, I should go to an ra doctor...and the rest is history! They are still trying to settle my w/c case. They said I had a 9% disability rating and I didn't argue and signed the papers. However, when the company lawyer took the papers to a Judge to sign off on them, she wouldn't because she didn't agree with the doctor's rating. So she assigned me a lawyer and know I am going through tat process. Basically the w/c doctor said 75% of my injury was caused by RA, although I never had any problems until the injury!! Isis-you do have alot on your hands. Bless you!! My mom was bi-polar. Best of luck to you. Thank you'all for the support, I had no idea anything like this was out there!! I have a good friend who found you'all and told me about this site existing!! I have been diagnoised for about 4-5 years now with RA , The RA factor has never actually showed in my blood yet, however both the Rhumey" and the Internist and and Orthopedic Dr said it was. Started in my elbow, I used to rope calves and steers, and had an inflamed elbow, kept arguing that i had torn a muscle or tendon... well. now there's painful joints and swelling everywhere, mostley my right side, and now the neck is being gobbled up according to the MRI last week. How do I find more research on the possibles of Enbrel leading to MS ? thank you'all, Angus http://www.rheumatology.org/public/factsheets/biologics.asp? aud=pat#two This link shows the different biologics and list the side effects with the different ones. If you scroll down to where it list "Rare/Serious Toxicities" you'll see where MS is mentioned. That might get you started. Hi Angus, your story 'wowed' me. I just cant get over the experience you had! I am glad you found us. Can I be nosey? How old are you and where are you from? Hi again,
Sounds Great Crunchy
Sometimes MS presents first with RA symptoms and they are related diseases. Hopefully you don't have the MS and especially that you don't have both. That's awful hard work you are doing. Be careful and always make sure someone is close in case one of those rangy beeves gets out of hand. Welcome to our house. Sit down and have a cup of coffee with the rest of us. None of us are ready for rocking chairs though. We are all trying to keep our lives intact. Just because I have a life that includes much illness I do not consider myself "Screwed". Challenaged maybe; but I've found that happiness is what you make of it. You can enjoy happiness just as easily as you can enjoy misery. You just have to decide early on which you want. You have far more control over your own happiness....even with a chronic illness than you might believe. Hopefully one day you won't have to feel that way either.
I have had a lot of ups and downs the last few weeks and it is
definitely RA. I think doing what I can to focus on the positives
is all I can do. I try not to get sunken down into the mire of
questions and unexplainable problems. There are just a lot of
uncertainties and unpredicatibilities in this disease and I realize I
have to take it one day at a time, no more, no less.
I hope you feel better soon.
thanks[QUOTE=roxy]
Roxy - I'm right there with you. I feel as though I'm holding on to chunks of my life by my fingertips. I'm having real trouble keeping up with the bills. I'm supposed to go for a blood test, but I haven't. I have to really push myself to take all of those pills.
Deanna - I play sudoku. On a bad day, I quit after about 2 minutes. The whole page looks like gibberish to me. On a good day, I can whip through a medium puzzle in about 6 minutes. It's my test of whether or not I should be driving a car, or doing anything that requires concentration.
you guys!! (I'm reading the Joel Olstein book now
too, along with 'the purpose driven life-both great)
My shingles is still flaring, and mine energy is on the
negative side...and now I have a cold, an d, ugh, no
groceries till friday. Going to try to get some sleep
and force myself to get up tomorrow for work.
Anyway, not able to write too much now, but wanted
to say 'hang in there'.
TaraFrom Alcoholics Anonymous, but I think it applies here quite well.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place thing, or situation as being exactly the way is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism (or RA), I could not stay sober (or happy); unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy, I need to concentratate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
We are powerless over a lot of things in our life. I have two serious diseases and it is my job to learn how to live well with them. I can't expect the circumstances to change. All I can change is my attitude to the circumstances.
Jeanne
Jeanne...so true. Makes sense
Excellent Jeanne! And, when you think about it, it is only common sense. Thanks for posting this.
Luv, Justme
I think that being home and not working adds to the time you have to
"think" -- you are who you are, and who cares EVEN IF you were
bipolar. So what. I really don't think its anyone's
business. There are worse things to be or do, and we are all
works in progress just trying to get a grip on this disease and coping
in our own way.
I think you are a neat person and it is totally understandable that you
feel crazy sometimes. Don't let people make you second guess
yourself. You are a great supporter to others here and have a lot
to bring to this internet community and everyone here loves to support
you and your endeavors.
Good post arizonara
What are the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder?
Roxy, I hope you aren't letting this kind of stuff get to you.
Please don't feel you have to defend yourself. You have done
nothing wrong.
Oh no I am not trying to diagnose anyone. I simply am trying to help. I mean if EVERYONE was sent in to a psychologist and had a full eval done I am sure we all would be diagnosed with something. I myself have bouts of depression. It isn't anything to be ashamed of and at the same time not something to cover up. I mean if there is any doubt go be seen it would be ridiculous not to because there are so many treatment options available for whatever you may have be it Bipolar disorder, depression, or just needing to talk to someone.Here's the thing - being Bi-Polar is a little different from being euphoric - and depressed. Being bi-polar means you are manic - or depressed - for no apparent external reason.
Having your husband come home after a long period away is actually a fairly legitimate cause for euphoria. Good Lord, have we reached the place where no one is allowed to be giddy? Having a chronic, crippling disease like RA is a legitimate cause for depression. I'm not party to any discussion on any other board, and I don't care to be. But I think you need to recognize the facts. And I'm not sure why you need to drag this here. It's really not appropriate.
The truth is we ALL do things to cope with life. Some are healthy and some aren't. Exercise is one the good things (if not overdone). Now the challenge is to find something else that gives you pleasure.
And allow yourself to grieve the loss. It is real and acknowledging itis the first step.
Take care, Jeanne
About Remicade - I have given myself a deadline. If the diet, exercise and Enbrel do not give me more good days than bad in six months, I will try Remicade. I just want to try what I am doing now. I now am doing accupuncture, water therapy, totally changed my diet, increased my anti depressant and YES I am going to maybe find a counselor but I would rather a chronic disease, chronic pain, or ra support group. If I can't find one - I may just form one. Jeannie - One day at a time, one day at a time.
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