First off I wish there was a forum topic where I can post about my "whine & complaints" to help me get them off of my chest.
Here it goes:
At the beginning of the week. I was really hurting bad. My feet and toes hurt everytime I would stand or walk on them. We were getting ready to go to the in-laws and hubby had the baby and told me to hold him. I told him to bring him into the bedroom and I would hold him. It pissed hubby off. I told him that I was hurting and it hurt to stand on my feet. He said so I wouldn't have hurt you to hold him for the few seconds it took me to put my shoes on. And I resorted back to telling him about my pain.
He then proceeded to say "I don't care about your pain!!" Stormed out the door and slammed it.
Yeah, nice hubby huh?
Went to the in-laws sat on the couch in my "mood" as hubby calls it. And he came over to me and asked me what was wrong, like he didn't know!? I did not answer him. And then he kept badgering me. Then I told him because he didn't care about my pain. He said you mis-understood me. I meant at that point and time. And I replied back at any point and time.
He really does not care about me being in pain only if it henders what he is going to do. He is what I call a self-centered, arrogant, proud, un-compassionate dumbass.
He thinks if he had RA he would not let it slow him down or give into the pain, like I do. But man I haven't just recently aquired this disease I have had it for 25 years!! I am just now giving into the pain and letting it slow me down!
He is ok about helping me out. Not the best
I am married to a stupid monkey.
OK, here's Sara, with her irritating glass-half-full attitude...
Look at it this way--even though he's maybe helping for the wrong reasons, at least he's there...helping. I live alone. I asked my "stupid monkey" to leave long before RA presented itself so rudely. (Thank gawd!!
LOL!
Yeah, I have dubbed hubby stupid monkey better then the other names I wish to call him.
I have this thing called "Unnecessary Pain". If I can get by without having to increase my pain I will. For instance, Yell for hubby to bring me something from the kitchen to the bedroom, just so I do not have to walk up and down the hall.
But hey it is something new I am trying...lol. I will grow out of it. Just trying to find other ways to decrease my pain without asking hubby for his rude assistance.
Jooniper,I'm kind of like Marcy. The husband I'm with now is my second Husband. He's just precious. Fact is...in the beginning I pushed him a way. I was pretty afraid to remarry again after my first marriage. This disease can be very stressful on a relationship. What I found out was different men handle things differently.
Once my (at the time) boyfriend learned what I had, and my reasons for not wanting to be seriously involved with him; he took it upon himself to learn more about the disease. When I learned that he had researched it on the internet and had a real understanding of what it was all about my heart just melted!! And like Marcy I've taken him to the doctor with me before. He understands what's happening with me...sometimes even before I do.
He'll point out when I'm over doing it and warn me about what happends when I do. He's super careful to go out of his way to keep my stress level down. And when I'm hurting....Oh; never mind I just feel like I'm bragging now. (Sorry; I'm very much in love;)
I think the difference here is my husband knew very well what he was getting himself into and made an informed choice to take on me, my disease and the type of life we sometimes lead. It's never easy for anyone; but I do feel like my husband went into it all expecting what's happening. That wasn't the case with my first husband. His young, healthy wife turned old and practically crippled over night. That wasn't what he bargined for. Oh well; his loss. There's times when I can't do things that I'd like to; but I still have a lot to offer...my husband assures me!!
Hang in there Jooniper; it's a hard situation you're in; but try to remember it's a hard situation for your husband to deal with as well. Try to be patient with him too.
Thanks for your replies guys!
Yes, hubby has been with me to every doctors appointment I have just about ever been to. He has to drive me to where I need to go, because I do not drive nor have a drivers license.
He is just that way. Most of the time he acts like a teenager, in the way he deals with stuff. He has like an "I don't care" or a "Whatever" attitude. My mom even says he is cold. He just thinks if he don't think about it it will go away.
He knew I had this before we got married. And while we were dating I was starting to show that it was catching up with me. He knew there were many things I could not do.
But I understand what ya'll are saying about it affecting him. But still he should show me more compassion, then just blowing me off or acting like I am not in pain and cannot do things myself.
I certainly agree with you Sweetie. You deserve better. That only makes you feel worse.
I know how hard that can be.
It may sound silly ,but have you both thought of going to counseling ?There are drs out there who specialize in helping families cope with having someone who is handicapped by physical problems, emotional. etc. They can help family members come to grip with what is going on and help them realise it is not the end of the world.. Yes hubby may sound selfish but I am wondering if what might be going on, is he is afraid of the responsiblities he might have to take over as you unfortunately get worse and it is making him resent you. I am one of the lucky ones I have a wonderful husband who tries to help out as much as he can. Last year when the pain was so bad in the spring, I told him I couldn't go and get the flowers to put in the benches and pots we have all over the place. Well he went and got the plants and everything that we needed and he and my daughter Rachel did it all. Every single pot, hanging basket and benches and you have to realise I have alot. I've got 5 perenial beds and 200 rose bushes too, so there is alot of work. I don't know what I would do without him, he is one of a kind.Sounds selfish?? He is!!! Oh, and inconciderate too.
I have asked him if he was starting to resent me and he said no. He might have just said no to spare himself of having to hear me cry. I guess I can badger him until he tells me the truth. I do have to keep asking the same question over and over again before he will finally tell me the truth.
Yes, Iam relentless. But he does it to me too. *shrugs shoulders*
How about counseling, if he won't go then you go., it might help you cope with what is going on. It isn't fair to you , the stress from the situation just makes things worse for you and that is not good. I am sorry he is being a jerk and making you feel bad, sometimes men don't realise what they are doing, until they get a wakeup call. If he continues to refuse to go to counseling or seek some kind of help, tell him you want to seperate because the way things are going, it is not good for your health. When some men get kicked to the side of the road, so to speak, it wakes them up and makes them realise what they are about to lose. Jooniper anytime you need to whine, bitch or just talk I am hear and all ears. Take care sweetie. meme
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