I'm having such a hard time. I missed all of you so much.
I'm on 6 weeks leave from work, after already receiving instructions to work from home. That wasn't working out.
My boss sent work home with me and it helps financially. But physically and stresswise, it's not doing me any good.
I am really worried about my neck as the pain there and in my spine is getting worse. They did the xrays on Wed and of course I will have to wait a week for those results.
Then, my knees have become this disaster area. They are so swollen. It's really wierd. In the mornings, I can kind of walk. I've been swimming which feels so good. But after working, my knees and legs freeze up. I can't hardly take baby steps. And, my balance is off. I keep running into things.
I know I need the knee replacements although they are only checking out the one knee for a torn menicus.
But I can't hardly stand at all in the middle of the night. It seems to get worse every day.
I'm afraid that something is going wrong in the neck and affecting the shoulders and the legs which I know that's what the doctor is thinking. But how much can one handle at one time?
I'm used to juggling this problem, then that one. But it seems like all of me is shutting down at the same time.
Yet, the doctor thinks the Enbrel is working for me. I don't feel like anything is working for me.
I am so sorry Deanna - wish I could offer you more comfort, but sending you hugs...only thing that works for me when I have to juggle everything is to concentrate (as much as I can) on the moment and what absolutely has to be done...doesn't always work, but seems to help.Deanna,
Dar
Hi Deanna... I hope you are feeling better now. You are such an uplift and inspiration to all on this board, that it just seems terrible that you are having such a rough time now. I really don't know you, but feel like we are old friends, and I just wish that I could say or do something to make things better.
You hang in there, honey.
Trisha Thanks for all the supporting words. Right now, it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep now because I crashed around 6 in the evening. It about 2 a.m right now. I hate that. The sleep is great, but my entire body feels like it's on fire as though it was it's own heat source. And, the pain is just awful. I don't know how one can be asleep and still in such pain. I do this almost weekly. Do anyone else do this? I try to avoid it with taking short naps to head it off. But the one thing the Enbrel does seem to do for me is give me more energy. I'm starting to think that it's the cure for FM fatigue. I don't think it helps my RA, but my doctor doesn't want to chance taking me off of it for fear of having the RA become very active while I'm dealing with this. I want to thank all of you for the hugs and well wishes. This is the best place in the world to get them because I know each of you understand. Linda, I've been to the PT about my shoulder. I failed PT on it. I keep up the exercises, but they can't do anything more, neither can the surgeon. I started my swim exercises and they help. I have a TENS which helps the shoulder. But there are only so many places you can put one of those. I can't figure out how to attach them to my hip, knees and shoulder simultaneously. I'd like to connect it to my upper back, but I can't reach. I've been through the PT with my knees before. I spent 6 mos in PT, and another year with a fitness trainer. The fact that he doesn't want to try shots now is a good indicator that he thinks it's time for a different approach. He's pretty quick to give those corisone and synvisc shots. So, if he's saying no to that, he is probably thinking surgery. Doctor isn't going to tweak medicines at this time. We talked around going up on pain meds and neither of us wants to do that. I'm on 25 mg of MTX, 13-14 mg Prednisone, Plaquenil, Enbrel, Vicodin, Tyelonol, and Mobic. There's more, but they are for the heart, FM, etc. We can only play the substitution game with meds at this point and that's not what he wants to try. He's afraid of making things worse. If he doesn't come up with a reasonable solution, then I think I'm going to have to get a second opinion. But all the best docs in town, the ones that I hear such good things about, are with his practice. I don't think the problem is with my doc. I think the problem is with a worn out, sick body that needs some major attention and a lot of recuperation. I've been pushing it a long time with major stressors. I don't want to return to the job I on leave from. But I can't make decisions until I know the test results. Unfortunately, that takes weeks. But on the other hand, I would rather space out bad news if it comes. My fear is that they will say I need the two knee replacements and something done to my neck as well. They've said I can't do anything about my shoulder but quit working on the computer. It sounds like I could be recovering for a long period of time and I might be able to get around better at the end of the road, but will my RA be any better? I am discouraged. I try to look at the positives, like not going into work. That's a big positive except it makes me feel more cut off from others. Then, this board went down. I found the others, but we have a way of writing each other here that's more honest and direct. I like the other boards, too and especially some of the people I've met. But here, feels good to me. This last week was filled with pressure from work. I know that I'm going to just have to quit that job to stop the pressure I keep getting, but then I lose my insurance. It's funny, people think that if they give you more work, they are really helping you. But when the doctor says to stop working and they have the note in front of them, then you'd think they would understand you just can't do it at the same pace as before. I'm thankful that they love my talents. But I think this is working against me getting better. Roxy, I can't start the process if the doc doesn't support it. I figure that I will know the situation in the next two weeks. I have read and been told just the opposite about working. Please let me know where you get this information because it would make a great difference to me.
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