I had to share with you. My daughter Kelsey has been locked up in an institution for almost six years. We are taking her home for good tomorrow. She has called twenty times today with all of her worries why she won't get out or what she is going to do for us when she comes home. It is almost heartbreaking, how nervous she is but it is also exciting. She has been eating cafeteria/institution food all that time and all she can talk about is food but it is not lobster and steak, it is like - Mom, can I get some Top Ramen, can I have a donut, can we go to taco bell
We are taking her camping on Wed. Imagine - being locked up all those years and being able to go camping. I raised her camping all the time. I am so excited AND my ra is cooperating. I am feeling better day by day. I packed today. We have so many exciting things to look forward to. We may not be a "normal" family but we sure are a family full of love. Tomorrow 3:30 PST my daughter comes home That's sweet, Roxy. I hope she enjoys a doughnut & ramen - and a breath of fresh air. I can't imagine. I hope it goes well for you. Allow yourself some time just for Roxy in all of this transition! This really is your dream come true.
Oh my gosh Roxy!! That is SO amazing!! I haven't
been able to be on-line in a while 'cause just not
feeling well and really, really sore & stiff. But I just
had to say that I am so excited by all the wonderful
things going on in your life right now.
Have a wonderful day!!!Wonderful news, Roxy! Just remember it's adjustments for everyone! *HUGS*
Thanks Deanna and Tara. I am feeling very very very blessed. Brett and I have been smiling all day. His son is also excited about living with us. I LOVE FAMILY. Roxy, that's great. Finally you're getting positive things in your life. You deserve it.
MarisaHI Roxy, its lovely to hear good news on this forum, make sure you enjoy it and remember that God is looking after you and Kelsey and your little family will be fine, lots of love Janie.
Roxy-you have actually brought tears to my eyes, I am so happy for you and your daughter. It must be all of those endoraphins kicking in to make you feel so good! I cant wait to hear about all of the fun you guys are going to have...too bad we dont all live closer, we could have a huge welcome home pot luck dinner with everyones specialties there for Kelsey!
Roxy,
Who defines a normal family? A family is a safe haven where everyone loves and cares about each other. You are striving to provide that for your husband and children. I hope all goes well for you. These are exciting times!
Good Luck!!!
Thanks everyone. I am sooooooooo excited. Today is the day. I am going to start taking Kelsey to water exercise with me and we are writing down some boundaries for her to learn today. We have to pick up her bed Wed. but she sure does not mind the couch.
I can't wait to show her the pics. of our new house. So far - so good. Everything is going well. She can even help me pack. We are hoping eventually we can get her to quit smoking but in the meantime, she has agreed to having her cigarettes rationed. It we did not do that, she would smoke three packs a day. The mental health system taught her to do that
I am not scared at all. It just feels right. I wouldn't feel this way if Brett was not so excited. I know it will take adjusting but we are so committed and after being locked up so long - we are praying she will stay within her boundaries. In Klamath Falls, they have a day treatment center that is run by the "clients", the mentally ill patients and that kind of program has been quite successful. There are a lot of them on the east coast but in CA - they most just let them wonder on the streets or if they become a nuisance - warehouse them
The woman I have been speaking to on the phone in OR says that there system in that county is not over burdened and there are lots of services available. I have already committed to volunteer regularly and she knows about my ra and we are going to adjust around it. My family has already volunteered to take care of her in Sept. when we go back to Brett's family reunion
Oh you guys, I am so excited. I know there will be scary times, and frustrating times and even angry times, but that hole in my heart that has been aching for so long, knowing how horrible my daughter's life has been will be healing. I just know it.
I will tell you all about the homecoming tomorrow.
They put on the internet site that our dreamhouse is pending and closes Aug. 15 - THAT IS US WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO
HEY Just me.....lose your password? Good to see ya.
Roxy~I'm real happy for you Sweetie. I know how long you've waited for this day. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers as you transition into your new life as one big happy family. Good Luck!!
Thanks you guys. Nowandthen - my hubby is from the East Coast but we are moving from CA to OR. It is just the east coast has way better mental health services than CA and the county we are moving to models the East coast. It is going to be great. She will be in a day treatment program each day for six hours that is run by her peers. That way she can make friends. I will be volunteering there and networking with other parents.
We are almost done with my SSDI application. What a chore. Hope to finish that this week. I already thought of how I am going to make extra money. I have a teaching credential and I can substitute teach. That way if I am not feeling well, I don't have to accept days they need someone AND I really enjoy children and teaching.
My family in OR is so excited we are coming and about our new house. I called the lender and realtor this morning because I want to make sure everything is going well. IT IS.
I feel so antsy today. Don't know what to do with myself, already boxes everywhere. Court is at 3:30. I don't think anything can go wrong. We signed the papers with the conservator. Then tonight, Kelsey chooses dinner. Brett and I had our first anniversary on the 14th and we did not do anything to celebrate. We are so busy but I hope we set aside the time to do that. I feel so blessed to be married to him. This couldn't happen without him and he gives me hope it will work. He feels so confident.
I would just love to have a potluck with all of you there to help welcome her home
Prayers coming your way for you and your family.
I am not about bursting bubbles, but I am a person who tends to be a bit of a realist so forgive me if this seems harsh or anything. It is not intended to be.
Ask Brett about expectations. He will know what I am talking about.
Try not to have your own desires exceed what Kelsey is capable of doing or you will be very disappointed. Try to remember that she is exactly where she is supposed to be today, but that may NOT be where YOU want her to be. She is likely to have a whole different agenda from the one you have, so don't be surprised.
I am glad you are trying to do this. It will be a big challenge but as long as the focus is not on your needs/expectations being fulfilled, it has a good chance of succeeding. Take care and keep us posted on how it goes.
Jeanne
Roxy, hope everything goes smoothly today when you go get Kelsey! Keep us posted!!!! congrats! my best wishes to you all! yay!!!!Good Luck Honey
Trisha Jeanne, I know my daughter very well. I let her be herself and she loves that, which means talking to her voices and giggles. She also loves to dance and we have to remind her she cannot run around the house naked. You see, I have been with her - through this from the beginning. I have lived with her several times but she ended up on the streets. Our boundaries are simple, she goes to her day treatment program, she is rationed cigs to one pack a day, and she cannot go anywhere unsupervised as she has been assaulted and raped on numerous occasions. I am not fooling myself - I know very well what it is like to live with Kelsey. We are encouraging her to have peers that also have similar conditions as they are much kinder with her. Other boundaries will be a few chores - mainly trying to keep her room up with help. Brett knows very well what we are getting into to. We have talked about this for years and he has been with her on many visits. Having said that, the whole house is elated but I am tired. Brett and Kelsey are going creek walking with the dogs. I miss that so much. I know we are in a honeymoon period and it is a lot of work but also it has its rewards and I appreciate her perspective on many things in life. It is never boring to share your life with someone with mental illness. I wish more people understood what a treasure they can be if you don't try to make them be "normal". One day at a time. We all love her. This is her last chance and she knows it well. I am very optimistic as she knows how good she can have it and she also knows how bad life can be for her. We take good care of her. She is never unsupervised accept on her smoke breaks on the porch. I have a wonderful family for support and Brett's family is also very well informed about her condition. There will be times she will need hospitalization. The meds are like ra meds, they lose their potency. The cycle is usually she is hospitalized, put on haldol and zombied out (which is heartbreaking) then they start her on a new med regime until she is stable. Nothing compares to a mother's love. My love for my daughter and my family have always been the most important thing to me. We have all the tools for success and I am going to be positive. She is SO HAPPY
I am really happy for you...it is so nice to see good things happen to one of our friends. Roxy, I know you will be able to handle this with Kelsey. I wish I could bring my daughter back home as well. I respect your courage and your love. There is nothing like a mother's love. Love can cure things that nothing else will. You follow your heart and everything is going to be alright. Since my daughter is also mentally ill, I understand what you are talking about and how very difficult it can be. But I wouldn't trade away even one of those rough moments with my daughter, no matter how hard they have been. My concern for my Julie is doing the right thing for her. If I reach out and take her back in before giving her a full chance to make it on her own, I feel like I am cheating her and possibly crippling her in the process. But Julie is far more functional than Kelsey and doesn't have some of the uncontrollable behaviors that Kelsey does. But all I want to do is pull her back into my home and protect her. But she is stronger than that. She just doesn't know it. She is now supposed to move out of the residential home within the month. They are not giving her any assistance at all. I'm so overwhelmed with this. But the only person that ever really helps Julie is me. And, I can't hardly do anything right now. I can't even help her out financially or help her really look for places to live. It just adds an extra weight on me because I love her so much. She gets overwhelmed and stuck. But I want her out of that place so bad because they have repeatedly lied to us and about her. And, the thing is, she's not difficult to deal with. It's just she's also in a lot of pain, on very strong pain killers, has FM and she just can't do things sometimes. But they can't deal with that. Again, I am so happy with Kelsey coming home. Hopefully, soon, I will see better things for my daughter as well.
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