That reads "Don't squeeze, just shake."
The sign would be located on my right hand. Everytime I go to church the old people like to SQUEEZE my hand when they come by to greet me. Since when do hand shakes involve SQUEEZING and no shake?? I know they are going to do it, but I don't want to be rude and say something about it. So, when they do squeeze instead of shake, I try not to flinch to show it gives me pain, BUT it never fails I flinch and/or got a in pain look on my face. And some don't seem to put 2 and 2 together. So hence the need for the sign...lol.
Oh my goodness....it is so funny that you brought this up. I felt like you were in my brain while I was reading this. I struggle with this ALL THE TIME!!! I can't even tell you how many times I have talked to my husband about this....I don't know how to get around it. I KNOW it is going to happen...and I know it is going to KILL ME!!! And it never fails they grip ya right on the nuckles and just SQUEEZE!!!! Most of the time I sit in church (after the greeting part) and am just nauseous at how bad my hands now hurt. And that is on my good days. The bad days are unspeakable. I also struggle with people walking up to me and "patting" me on the shoulder to say hi. Well....that "pat" feels like a punch. Our pastor did that to me one day and I could not help but to flinch and get this horrible pained look on my face. I literally walked away and cried....It honestly felt like he punched me. I know he didn't realize how hard he "patted" me...and people don't realize how hard they "shake" your hands. I know it is polite to shake someone's hands when you are introduced to them, but holy toledo it is plain torture!!!!!! If anyone has any suggestions I would be more than willing to hear them or else I will be posting a "don't squeeze, just shake" sign!!!
Same thoughts and dilemmas here! I took control recently though! LOL! Now, at church when it is time to shake hands (or anytime really), I don't offer my hand to shake. Instead, I put my left hand out (palm up) and gently pat the persons hand into my own with my right hand. I pat their hand a few times gently upon mine. I'M in control and no one hurts me. I always smile sweetly and maintain good eye contact while saying "nice to see you" or whatever. Give it a shot! Love and gentle hugs, Juliah (if this fails, pretend you are Italian and just ignore the handshake and give a gentle peck on each cheek).
Juliahh; You hit it right on the nose!!!!!Well, I would do what Juliahh suggested except most stand there smiling and waiting to squeeze my hand lol. I don't do the greeting part of church because of fear of the dreaded hand shake, so I just sit there and hope no one comes by...lol...anverage of 4 people will come by and "shake" my hand.
I just started going back to church, well I only went once this month, and maybe 4 times this year. I stopped going because first off I was offended by the chior director. He stopped me one day and told me that when we are asked to stand for singing and benediction that I needed to stand up. That me not standing up, made it to where the "younger" kids felt like they wouldn't have to because they saw that I didn't. For crying out loud I was 24 years old when he told me that, I wasn't like 17 or 18. I have a husband & a kid! So, it upset me and I told the in-laws about it, which they go to church there too and they told him why I don't stand all the time. And the next time I went he told me didn't have to stand if I didn't feel like it, like I needed his promission!?
Another reason the people in the congergation were having "problems" with certain "things" and it just didn't feel like a "nice" place to be.
Oh my goodness jooniper....what an AWFUL thing for him to say to you. That is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!! There are a lot of mornings that I don't stand at all while everyone else is standing. That would piss me off also if someone said that to me, especially someone leading the worship. He sounds so hiprocritical. It is not like you are worshiping any less just because you are sitting down. In fact....you are doing GREAT just getting yourself there in the first place (I know there are alot of mornings that it would be so much easier for me to not even get out of bed). It is just another confirmation that most people don't have a clue about our disease and that for most of us you can't see on the outside of us that anything is wrong.
Kudos to you for going back!!
I'm the one who always refuses to shake hands. I get around this by using my pockets at lot. I always wear things with pockets. I also never offer my hand. In all honesty, I don't think it is rude not to. First it hurts. Second, you can always use the germ excuse. When it comes to greeting times at church, I always hold my right hand cradled in my left and give people a pained smile. I find that most people are fairly understanding that i'm in pain. And the ones who are rude enough to just grab, I actually pull away from. It is personal space people. We have a right not to have our personal space invaded no matter how well meaning others are. Another trick I use is to always keep my hands o Bastian in the guise of "keeping him in control and from fidgeting"
Oh, no one at church knows I have this disease. Only the in-laws and a few other members. And now the chior director. Now, when he sees me he asks How I am doing and then as soon as he asks he seems like he don't really want to hear it. He gets wondering eyes, like he is looking over my head at other folks and nods his head like he is listening but you just know he isn't...lol. It is not like I give him a run down of my pains. I just reply "ok" or "fine". But still he should be able to hold on to the conversation long enough to get my one worded answer!
I can't say anything to the pastor, becuase we have a fill in. That is what the "problem" was the church ran off the pastor and there are some there that want to run the church their way. Plus, we had a lot of the congergation, people that I knew and liked to leave, because of the problems.
The church is now made up of 90% 50-90 year olds and 10% Under 49yrs. And many of them don't seem very nice. So, that is why I don't go to church much other then I find it really hard to get out of bed.
It sounds like it might be time for you to do some "church searching". It is an awesome experience to have a wonderful church family! I go to a very "young" church. In fact, our "elders" are in their 40's. I am 34 and that is about the average age. Do you feel like you have to stay there because of your inlaws?No, I do not. That is just the only way I would get to church is by them. I don't drive or have a drivers license. I do belong to the church that my mom goes to but she don't drive either, she is 71 and she and the church is about 35 mins away. They are a really nice church.
I think most of us have had this problem. One disadvantage for women now is that we are treated socially as equals in business situations so we get to shake hands a lot
Isabelle