For weeks now, you have all heard me go back and forth over deciding about disability. The not working/working at home is not working. (Boy, what a sentence.) The last two weeks I've been doing work in half hours stretches because I just can't do it any longer than that. This morning, I got up and was feeling better. Two hours later, I had to quit and take a nap.
I got started again and my boss is sending me all these emails about when I will be done with this project. If I was there, I wouldn't be expected to make it happen so fast. It's long and every page and every graphic changes. I have to review screens and review documentation. But she wants right away and wants me to predict when I'll have it to her. The pressure just never ends with her.
I finally told her I would send her whatever I have done on Monday.
Then, I just broke down in tears. I don't want to even try to work any more. It's just too hard. I don't care about the damn knee. It hurts. But I haven't been able to get around for so long now. If I keep trying to work in order to have the insurance to cover the knee surgery, I am just going to keep wearing myself out. If I have to go off the medicines, I can't possibly function at work. And then, I will owe all this money for medical bills on top of not earning any.
The pressure is just killing me. I don't feel good enough to do anything. I get exhausted so fast now.
I just want to go ahead and file for disability because all my resources are being drained anyway trying to make this situation work.
Deanna, I wish I were there to help you. This is such a tough time and tough decision for you. You've been struggling with it for so long - but...it's pretty clear that you can't keep going on. That's been more obvious every month & every post. You are pretty near worn out.They are building a new teaching hospital in the next couple of years. But it's not in place yet. What I have to do is try and get on the state aid. They have refused to help me in the past because of my income. But that's dropping dramatically.
If I really can't work and I go ahead a file, they pay for practically everything. I have to jump through all kinds of hoops, and it might take awhile to get the surgery. But eventually, I'm sure they would. Otherwise, it's just showing up at one of the hospital ERs or the county hospital if things get too bad and hope they will do something.
I think it will take a couple of months to get on their medical. But at least I would starting the process. Unfortunately, needing the knee surgery might work against me because they might say if I got it then I could work. But I just don't think that's the case. The knee getting worse is added problems.
Deeanna,
I was in your position 5 years ago. I just had to buck up and fess up that I couldn't do it any longer. It's a VERY RUFF HARD fight !!! I would check into the companies medical leave program (if they have one), short term or long term disability program, or your state medical aid programs. You have to qualify (I would think) for one of the above. Then at the same time you may want to consider filing for SSD or at least get your doctors thinking in that direction until you make a final decision.
Hang in there and remember that we are ALL here for you !!!!
Olive, I'm a contractor and I don't get any kind of short term medical leave. I get long term which doesn't kick in for 6 months and maxes out at 00. The only option is the state programs. I've tried them twice before and they blew me off.
But it doesn't matter. I really can't do this. My doctor will write whatever needs to be written and provide the supporting records. The only question they had left was doing the knee surgery. But this situation is fast driving me out of the little bit of reserve that I had.
And, I just can't do it.
I appreciate the support. I just couldn't handle this right now if I didn't have here to come to.
Deanna,
Oh Deanna,
You are where I was about 2 1/2 years ago. I just agonized about the same things you are agonizing about. But - there "comes a time" and I think you are there now. You will get all the little details figured out in good time. Everyone says you will know when you need to go on disability and you did - now it's just convincing everyone else. Do what you have to do and good luck! & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp; & nbsp;
Deanna, I don't know all of the circumstances, but it sounds like your boss is being a bit unreasonable. I am sure that she has someone dictating to her too, but can't this situation be discussed? This is so much pressure for you.I think I have good news. If I have now read the paperwork right. When I signed up for Long Term Disability, it was this really short piece of paper that didn't explain things very well. I now have a copy that states that I get 60% of my income after 90 days until age 65. That means I could make it until I get approved for Social Security.
Of course, there may be a hundred little snags with this, but it means the difference between making it and not making it. I couldn't find all this paperwork because I just moved into a place that I could afford for half of what I was making.
And, I think I will do the knee surgery because the insurance is going to cover so much of it. But only the one and only if they can do it soon.
I'm starting to feel like it might work out.
You have no idea how unreasonable my boss can be. She's real nice up front, but the daily toil it has taken on me in the long run has been really stressful.
Maybe I had to work there long enough to get all these things in place so that I could do this. I know I can't work any more. This time off has completely convinced me of that and I guess that's what the doctor had in mind. I think it made him sad though.
Thanks everyone for supporting me. I'd just go crazy if you all didn't say something that helped.
I'm sure it's going to be many fights, but I can at least fight for that's going to make my life better, not worse.
Hi there Deanna! The info that you just posted sounds lots better for you. You sure do have your hands full right now, but heck, I think you are ready to do what must be done for yourself.
If only I could talk some sense into my husband. He won't give into the fact that he no longer can work. We have an auto paint shop that he just loves & wants to stay active in it. But he can't. I feel so sorry. I just wish the day would come when he realizes that he CAN'T do what he use to. He goes into the shop & tries to do something & is back into the house in 10 - 15 min. putting ice bag on his back. The man uses 2 canes to walk with, & that is a very short distance.
Your boss sounds like a real lovely witch! Her day will come. You know the old saying, what goes around, comes around.
I hope your stress is much less tonight.
You hang in there girl, it will all work out for you.
Trisha
I would check into your longterm Deanna, and hang in there sweetie, things have to get better. Find out what the state requires in order to recieve help, it will go according to last year's income usually. I know you don't want to burn your bridges, but you need to tell your boss that is she wants this project done asap then you need help becasue your health is not good and you can't get it done in the time she wants it, and if she argues about it, then tell her to give the project to someone else. Do you see a dr at this time? If so then tell him or her about the pressure and how you are feeling you can't be having this kind of stress, it will not help to heal your body. I have been there done that and can tell you for a fact it will get better. I am in your corner Deanna hang in there sweetie. xoxoxox meme
Meme, I'm already in trouble with my doctor. I wasn't supposed to be working the last 6 weeks, and only at home before that. My boss kept insisting that I come in 2-3 days a week. I've already decided that I am just giving her the project wherever it is on Monday and tell her I am too sick to complete it. On Friday, I see my Rheumy again and then the next Monday, my new Ortho. It's not like they are going to give a crap when I'm gone.
My only decision now is when to tell my job shop because I'll have to get paperwork from them for the doctor to sign. I don't know if I'll have fight for disabilty with them. I think I may wait until I meet with the Ortho because of deciding about my knee.
Deanna, It sounds as if things are finally working out for you. Hope that the disability does pay 60%.Although, he didn't give me any choice in going of work several times now.
Well Deanna, I guess you body is just kind of deciding this whole thing for you isnt it? I sure hope this works out well for you. Your boss sounds like a really jerk...and yeah, I believe in karma 100%. She is going to find out what it is like someday. I think you are wise to double check everything with your doc before you say anything at work. Good luck girl!
I always thought of this job as less pressure than others and that's why I stayed with it so long. Besides, once I developed RA and could only work a maximum of 30 hours, it really restricted me to going to other jobs. All the jobs in my field, say "must handle lots of pressure, tight deadlines, work long hours."
Guess they don't post the ones that say, "we're kind of laid back here. We get the job done, but in our own damn good time."
It's that way in the small town I'm from. Geez, stop at the quick mart there and even pumping your own gas, it's at least a 20 minute visit.
I feel a bit lost today. I turn in the last of the projects today. She pushed and pushed to get this one to. I don't understand why she would give someone who is sick something that needs to be done by a deadline (which, of course, she didn't tell me when I took the project).
She just acts like I'm letting her down. It makes me feel simply awful.
So, I turn this one in and I'm not making money, I can't file for anything until after I see both docs.
I'm lost here.
Good luck, Deanna. You will find your way. You've done it before. Closing of a door, opening a window, and all that. There is some truth to it. We're all rooting for you. So true Fiona. You could never have convinced me that I would ever be excited about my future as anything but a park ranger but I am excited about the prospects of new opportunities. We resist change but change is how we grow and flourish Deanna, perhaps your boss gave you all of this work knowing dam well that you could not do it in your condition. Maybe that is her way of letting you down gently so that you could retire? I just continually hope that there are some good people out there and that perhaps deep down that she is on your side. I hope so Deanna. I can feel the panic in your messages. I will be thinking positive thoughts and remembering you in my prayers. Deanna *hugs*