Hi everyone. I've had ra for three years and used to be on this board under a different name (can't remember what it was!) Everyone was so helpful before, and I feel like such a mess right now. I've been as tough as possible with this disease, trying hard not to let it take over my life, but feel that I am losing the battle. 6months ago I stopped the MTXdue to prolonged infections, and just never started it again, and was feeling ok. Today my rheumy put me back on it as ra symptoms are creeping back. I've been on Remicade and Plaquenil with decent success so far.
I haven't had to quit work, but it's all I really get to do now due to fatigue and depression. My husband of 12 years left me a 1.5 years ago in good part because I was "always sick" and he didn't want to hear about it or see it in his life anymore. He thought I was making it up and wouldn't come to the drs with me. It was a hard break up for me to deal with. I finally dared to go on a date again after meeting someone by phone who seemed so terrific. We hit it off really well, seemed so compatible, and I even had told him I had arthritis but it was well managed and he was nice about it. We exchanged photos and I warned him that I'd gained 10 lbs since the photo was taken. After meeting in person and having a great time he decided that he thought I was great but he really wants to be with someone who can hike and bike with him on a regular basis. Which leaves me to feel so completely fat, stiff and creaky, and otherwise repellant. I am always trying to lose weight and honestly do the best I can with it (lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months) I do see a counselor occasionally who's helped me through the divorce but has a hard time figuring out if the pain leads to the depression, or the depression leads to the pain, and isn't sure how to break the cycle. Sorry to rant and complain here, but I am so totally disappointed that I am not the person I used to be anymore and am wondering if anyone can relate? Do people judge you because of the RA? I try not to dwell on being sick and try not to call attention to it, but find it is taking over my life anyway. Anyone have any great coping strategies, here? Huge thanks for any advice or resources. I guess whatever I am trying to do isn't working all that well.
Hi aerpup. RA sucks, doesn't it? Does the pain cause the depression or does the depression cause the pain. That's an interesting question, isn't it? As one who doesn't suffer from depression (at least not yet), but who is in quite a bit of pain, I can say that with RA, the pain causes the depression. It does wear you down, doesn't it?Hi and welcome back. My husband was a big stinker about the whole thing when I was first diagnosed but has slowly started to come around. As for the guy you met...you just werent his type..it happens to everyone, RA or not. Dont sweat it. Somewhere is a great guy out there that is going to be your soul mate and love you warts and all, even if one of those warts is RA. It IS so hard at times to deal with the limitations that RA puts on us, but we cant look back at what we once were...we have to move on to what we are able to be now. I may not be able to do some of the things that I physically was able to do 3 years ago. But I think I am a more compassionate person, and I appreciate things in life that I once took for granted because of my RA. There are always positive things to be found even in the most negative of situations.
Hope you get to feeling better, just take care of you and the rest will fall into place.
I can relate to the relationship problem as in I don't have one. When I was first getting sick, my boyfriend bailed on me. I called him up about 1:00 in the morning to give me a ride home from the emergency room and he complained and complained about that. This was the same guy who would call me up about that time in the night to come see some painting he had done. Then, he begin to preach to me about how I needed God.
I already had God, but didn't need to throw that in anybody's face. I certainly don't use it to make someone else feel bad.
Obviously, he wasn't worth my time. And, that's the same situation with this guy. He isn't worth YOUR time. You are already were upfront and honest with about your weight and that you have an illness. He should have been man enough to back out before you ever got to a date. This man isn't worth the bad feelings that you have.
I know it hurts. But this is someone you need to reject. You need someone who is going to caring and accepting. It's hard to find. And, RA changes the way you look like the exta pounds, the moon face, and the inability to move.
If I find a guy that's into all those outdoor activities and is wanting a play partner, he is off my list. A lot of those guys are not grown up in a lot of ways. And, there's no way I fulfill this fantasy that they've built up. A lot of them are looking for perfectly formed women in their 20s. Yet, these men are often in their late 30s, 40s and up. They haven't taken care of themselves physically. Yet, they want this perfection.
Even without RA, you probably wouldn't reach this guy's fantasy, because that what it is. And, he missed entirely the beauty that is you. RA takes away physical abilities, but it gives back other things like compassion, patience, caring, a knowledge of being mortal and that you are not limitless. You learn to value, really value the good moments in life.
There are men out there that are worth finding. But it's going to take some looking. And, they are not all going to be like your ex or this guy. There are men who do stick by their women no matter what. You want one of those.
How you find them, I'm not certain. But this is not a reflection on you, but on him. Do you know how ugly he looks? How selfish?
I know he hurt your feelings and your self esteem at a time when you really can't bear it. But at least you are out there trying.
The coping strategy is to get to know yourself. Then, surround yourself with friends and family that can accept you for where you are right this minute. Don't waste time and energy on people who can't do that. You don't have that luxury any more. You need supportive people to help you through this illness. Any one who dismisses you because of RA, doesn't need to be an integral part of your life.
It's hard to look at the person in the mirror, because you don't recoginize her any more. Where is that beautiful, sexy woman that used to look back at you? Well, she is still there. And, the right man is going to know it.
Dust this one off your shoes. He's not good enough for you. Someone else is waiting. The time will come.
Deanna's right. Neither this man you dated....or your ex-husband is worth the heartache their causing you right now. You're better off without either of those Boozo's!
It's hard to just brush off the hurt; but that mental pain only contributes to your physical pain.
Try to focus on the positives in your life and invision yourself in a better place mentally. Things will turn around for you.....keep your chin up.
Welcome back to AI~Hope you'll stick around. We've got a great group of friends here and we'd love for you to join us.
AND: Get back on your meds ASAP. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get. RA requires life long treatment. Even if your symtoms seem to be better rarely can you just stop your meds all together with out serious regret. Don't let that go on too long.
Thanks for the kind support. You guys are right. Just what I needed to hear right now
I really appreciate being heard out by people who are dealing with the same issues, here. My friends are terrific, but they can only guess at what its like. I've been reading through others' posts and loved the description of "an every other day" life. that's what if feels like. I know it could be worse and remind myself of it all the time, as well as how much better I am now compared to a couple years ago. Still, to be blunt, the limitations just stink.
Thanks again.
I think we need t-shirts that say "RA Sucks."Arepup-I'm so sorry to hear about all you have been