I saw the Rheumy today for my followup on whether I can return to work. I also told him about the muscle weakness in my legs and the excessive tremors. He wants to do full xrays of the back, and possibly send me to a neurologist. But he agrees that this probably isn't the knees. We might have to do a neck MRI, but I want to hold off on it as much he does.
My sed rate was up to 40, so finally he thinks Enbrel isn't helping me at all. I only told him that several months ago and with all this increasing joint damage, I don't see how it could be. So, I'm supposed to stop the Enbrel and we'll see how I am in a couple of months. No, we're not replacing it at this time with another medication. I kept telling them that I was flaring badly. But they just wouldn't listen. They did blood work on my MTX levels. That's got me worried because they've already taken me off a couple of times before. I can't handle them going down on that and I'm still tapering down on the prednisone. I'm finally down to 12 mg a day. I was up to 20. I've never been lower than 10.
I did get the note saying that I could no longer work as I am disabled. I really needed the note. But it sucks to read it. It is the tool I need to get the help. And, part of me is thankful. And part of me is so angry because I fought getting to this point so hard and nothing I did kept me from getting here. I feel like I've failed or lost a fight. I just hate to lose a battle. But this body just won't cooperate.
I know that it's all about perspective. But I still didn't want to get to this point. I absolutely dread telling my job shop and my boss. I guess I have to do that tomorrow. But it will get things rolling and I can finally close the door on that chapter of my life.
I was so hoping I was past worrying about my back being a problem. He asked how far I could walk and I told him I can't even do grocery shopping any more. He asked, "well, what do you do?" I answered, "I haven't grocery shopped in a month." "You going to have to do something," he answers. Like I don't know this already. Then, I start crying because I don't have anyone to do this for me. It's not like they offer any suggestions which seems stupid to me because obviously I am not the first person to be in this position.
Then, their office staff hassled me about my unpaid balance, which is less than a 0 now. And, I've been paying 0 a month FOREVER. I told them, I not working. They still insisted that a pay part of it. All I can think of is then GET ME WELL!
He thinks I can probably wait on the knee surgery until my LTD kicks in. His assistant told me the opposite thing. He doesn't seem to think the damage is that bad in my knee. So, Monday, I'm going to get an opinion from the Ortho surgeon and decide from there.
Oh, and my blood pressure keeps going up with every visit. I'm on enough medication. I'm sure that's all the stress.
I hate this.