One of my fears | Arthritis Information

I have a fear that has stemed since childhood, but has become increasingly worse since my RA had started to go down hill.

I have always felt like I was easy prey, you know like for preditors. Even when I was a kid, I was cautious of everyone. I knew I had something wrong with me and I was not like other kids & do things that my friends could do.

Since my RA had started going down hill about 8 years ago, I do not like to go anywhere by myself. As, I know I would not be able to defend myself if I needed to.

I never realized this until a couple of weeks ago when, I was talking to my husband about my "fears" of them setting up this gambling place about 400 ft from our house.

He does not understand that I feel like I am easy prey and always have felt that way. I even feel more that way now, because I know I am not going to get better, but worse, the physical part anyways. I have damage. My hands are not good for much. I cannot open a bottle of water, open boxes with my hands, or even write for very long.

I have been out in public at my worse, people look at me and I know some looked for curiosity, others for sympathy, and others thinking she is an easy target. I mostly think guys who look at me are looking at me either thinking I am a freak or that I am an easy target. You never know who is "sick" or that type of person.

I know this world is full of crazies and you cannot even turn on the tv without that being pointed out to you.

When I started going down hill, feeling like I was getting worse, I would not even walk to the post office anymore by myself, as fear someone would see me as an easy target.

One of my RD's wanted me to walk, I told her I could not because of my daughter, which was true, and because of all the drunks in our neighborhood. But what I did not elaborate on was that I felt that those drunks would kipnap me & my daughter, and I would not be able to fend that person off to save our lives.

I have always been like this. Do not know why, but my feelings of this have gotten worse because I have gotten worse and I know I truly would never be able to protect anyone if I had to.

RAGirlGoneWild38946.9531712963RAGIRL thats when you need to defend yourself with your mind,if you are in front of a big bully,first instinst is to fight physical,but if you fight mentally you notice the bully is standing on a rug and you pull the rug out from under him,you use your mind to out wit your fears,that is one thing this horrible thing (RA) can not take away from you is your mind,once you realize what your mind can do then...............................................WATCH OUT GIRL THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO

Do you guys have the YWCA over there? (I bet you do: You probably invented it.

Just a thought!

P.S: My favourite quote is from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do the thing you think you cannot do".

Wendy38946.9731828704 RAGirl, you have already shown what a fighter you are by enduring the pain and illnesses you have and you're still here, going at it! You are a wife and mom in spite of your hardships. Allow yourself to feel proud of that and feel strong because of it!

I think you have somehow created a persona for yourself that you are using to define who you are and what you are capable of, and also what the people around you are thinking. It may be that unknowningly your mother or someone else in your life made you feel vulnerable, rather than empowered. But that's all it is - a perception of yourself and the world - it is not reality. The things we allow our mind to do to us cripple us far more than our disease. It is easy to listen to the news and find stories to reinforce our feelings about the world. But the best thing is to actually face the fears, get out into the world and discover that it really isn't as bad as we think.

I agree with Wendy - take a self defense course. You'll be amazed at how simple some of the techniques are and how little physical ability they require. I have taken a class, and I know what I will do if I am attacked. They better look out for me! Knowledge is power.

Everytime I tackle something that is difficult or challenging, I sing the song "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar" in my head. It's my own personal little mantra that makes me feel empowered. You need to find something that works for you! Find your inner Wonder Woman!

When you imagine the things which you fear most, (for example you envision yourself being attacked) create a new image in your mind of how you outthink your attacker, or injure him. We all have those little scenarios we play out in our head. You just need to play with yours and try new, kick your butt endings!

This is your life - you are in charge of it. You have an illness that makes things more difficult, and you may need to think of a new way to approach a situation or problem, but for every problem there is a solution. I really believe that.

Hillhoney38947.2881944444RAGirl-

I know exactly how you feel. When I first got RA when I was 27 (I am now 41), I woke up one morning and couldn't move I was in so much pain and so stiff. That morning I had to fly out on business. I was terrified because I knew I'd have to park in long term parking and have to haul my bag (and body) to get to the terminal and then back on the return trip in the evening. I started crying because I felt so hopeless and that I would be an easy target much like you describe (the airport was in a really bad section of town).

Now, years later, since I have gotten my RA under control, things are different. I work out regularly, went skiing all last winter, and can fly by myself with confidence. I work fulltime and have two children. None of this is effortless, believe me...

The key is getting the disease under control. I still have times when I can't open a bottle or write for a long time. But pain does not necessarily mean damage. The sooner you get the RA in control, the better in this regard.

Also, a defeatist attitude is not going to help. Any woman out alone will be an easy target. Paranoia only puts you further in fear and allows you to feel sorry for yourself. And stop worrying about what other people think!

You are in charge of your life. Get the RA under control and find some way to build your confidence. I constantly have to tell myself, Life could be worse and IS for many other people in this world.

RAGirl,

I've always been a runt. I'm barely 5 foot and my ex is 6'4". There was a time when I was afraid of him, with very good reason. But I had to learn how to stand up to him, to the judges, courts and police. With him, I had to learn how to choose my words carefully, keep myself calm, use the law to my advantage.

It is your inner spirit that gives you strength in any battle. As Hillhoney said, you already have the spirit of a survivor. You just need to tap into that.

I think a self defense course is a wonderful idea. You might see if your daughter can go with you. If she's old enough, enroll her in the class with you. If not, enroll her in one or the kid's classes at the same time.

It is your spirit that shines through and keeps these predators at bay. I've lived through some very bad situations in dangerous neighborhoods. But if you remember the rules and act strong, be aware of your surrounding, they are less likely to want to mess with you.

And, don't forget you can take pepper spray or tazer guns with you. If you have a cane, it can be used as a weapon.

The one thing you are not is powerless.

If you have an overwhelming anxiety about going out, then you can speak to your doctor about that. Some people who don't get out much develop agrophobia. But it's treatable. I don't think you have that, but it's worth mentioning so that you know that even the feelings of fear are treatable.

I have to go everywhere in my life by myself. It's just the way it is. And, it has given me a lot of self-confidence. But it was hard won. My first husband kept me a virtual prisoner in his house. I could go to work and the grocery store. That was it. So, it was very hard not only to leave him, but to become fully independent.

And, being ill, not knowing if you've got enough strength to make through activities you want to do is limiting. But remember, that's a problem only for today. Tomorrow, you are going to have more strength and then you can do it.

Don't let this illness cage you in. Fight that.