But I feel I must get this out of my mind and put to where someone can read it.
At times I feel useless, because I have to depend on other people for help. And because I am unable to do many things that I would like to do.
I would like to be able to jump over cracks with my daughter, so not to "break my mommy's back". I would like to be able to get in the floor with my son and play with him and be able to get back up out of the floor without assistance. I would like to open my own drinks and put my own socks on and tie my own shoes.
I have been trying to find something to help me not feel so "useless". And have found nothing or just have my "idea" crushed by hubby.
I do update and upkeep a site for my brother. I like anything to do with computers. I taught myself HTML and many of other things. I always wanted to be a computer programmer or something like that. I did have a bright "idea" to take computer repair classes at the local community college, but then realized I probably would not get to classes in time because of stiffness. And because hubby did not seem too supportive of the "idea". Recently I have decided I wanna run for Mayor
Anyways I was talking to hubby about it and he said he would not vote for me.
Am I just destine to be "useless" and a stay-at-home-mom? I mean nothing wrong with staying home and raising my kids but, I would like to do other things to make myself feel better about my condition and not seem so "useless". Hi Jooniper, I'm so glad you are here with us, cause we are gonna put a stop to this kind of thinking. Look at those 2 beautiful kids of yours and tell me again that you are useless. Though you may not be "jumping over cracks", I'm sure they could tell us the special things their mommy does like nobody else. Just like your mommy rubbed your knees and still does. You are the most important person in the world to them and nobody can take that away
I think that's great that you help your brother with his ws and enjoy it. You've got to put the hubby on ignore, after all he has already been dubbed "dumba$$" just add this to the list. Sounds like he just does'nt want you to have anything for yourself. It seems like he is so angry that you sick, and you're being punished for it. As for the Mayor job if you really want it, I know alot of people here that would move into that small little town and vote for you......Do you really want to be the Mayor though?? I'm sorry you're so down, we love you lopsided and all
You are special Jooniper, don't let anyone get you feeling otherwise. Take care,
Pam Joon, Have you considered taking classes over the internet? There are all kinds of things you can take from college courses to making dolls. At least its something to consider if you are feeling down about yourself. And the biggest plus is its in your own home. Barb
I am, so sorry you feel this way, I know exactly how you feel and would never wish it on anyone. I guess i'm just lucky in that it isn't a hubby its family who put me down and at least i don't have to actually live with them! The latest one was yesterday when i was asked by one family member whether i really thought it was a good idea registering disabled as i could end up with social services trying to take my son away as they could say i'm an unfit mother!! and boy did that do some for my self confidence?! not! But having been a registered child minder i know minders who are disabled in one way or another and therefore am confident that won't happen and if they knock on my door, i'll know who sent them!! You should listen to the guys on here, they've done a lot for the way i feel about myself and what i'm capable of, I'm considering doing spanish courses as its something i enjoy. But, i'm onna do them over the net if i can, so that i have no commitment to make it to classes like barb says there's tons of courses out there. Oh and i've even been told by my son's health visitor that it does him no harm to help me out on my bad days, he puts my socks on and helps with my shoes, has even opened my medication bottles before now (under strict supervision!) and even knows what to do if i have a 'funny turn' due to my hypo-glycaemia. So don't feel bad about asking your daughter for help, if she's anything like billy she'll feel grown up and important, at least thats how he says he feels! Take care
Keep on doing stuff that makes you feel good..........
Luv 'n' hugs Niki YOU ARE NOT USELESS!!!! As it was stated you can take classes over the internet. In fact to you could take classes and run your own business from your home. there are many people ,who do billings, papers, etc for companies and medical professionals out of their home. And if you want to run for mayor, the do it!!!!!
xoxoxoxox meme
Hon, you're anything but useless! I sometimes feel useless, and it's those times when my kids remind me of all the things I do for them, even if I can't "jump over cracks" with them.
And Tori, I seriously doubt that social services would view you as an unfit mother just because you're disabled. Being a fit or unfit parent has nothing to do with being disabled. Shortly after I was diagnosed, I was classified "disabled" and went on social security because I couldn't work, and my ability to care for my kids never came into question. Forgive me, but whoever said that to you is an idiot! Good luck Jooniper. And don't let anyone take away your positive attitude. Cris Jooniper.... You're going to have to stop this Honey. You can only succeed with this disease with a positive attitude. You have got to "reprogram" your mind. The peopel around you can shape your mind set...and I'm sorry to say so; but you're "dumba$$" husband doesn't want you to succeed because he knows that once you do...you're not going to need him and his abuse any longer. That's harsh I know...but I've seen it before. In fact; I've been there. Being Mayor is an ambissious (Can't figure out how to spell that; sorry) goal; but it's not exactly like being the President of the PTA even if it's a very small town. Give that one a few years to think about. Age would be a factor too. I know a little bit about politics and it's not all it's cracked up to be. If you are in fact interested in politics I'd suggest giving yourself time to get involved with the process and study local politics for a while and have a full understanding of the process. Much would be expected of you. The school PTA might not be a bad idea for a year just to get you aquainted with what sort of things will be involved. It's certainly not the same thing; but I think it might give you an idea of the commitment level it will require. You'll need a little more back ground before you set out to be elected for public office. Now this computer interest is REALLY something you could run with. That's something you could do from home as well and to hear you talk it seems a full time 9/5 job isn't something you feel you can manage. A career where you could set your own hours and work at your own pase is just what you need. Continue to let that dream/idea grow. You know your talents there. Don't let ANYONE tell you can't do it...or anything else you set out to do. Even be Mayor if that is indeed your mission. Joonie (Let's call her Joonie guys; what do you think?) we love you...and you have so much to offer. I feel like SOMEONE is smashing your self esteem and it's effecting your health as well. Only you can put a stop to that...and we're all going to be here to help you as you work toward being a smart, independent, confident young lady. Prove to yourself, and your "dumba$$" husband that although you love him...and you want him...you don't have to have him. You'll be so proud of yourself when you do. Work toward building your strength emotionally and building confidence in yourself. I't going to help your health as well. We love you!! Lovie Jooniper, Our local callege offers online classes to become a computer repair person. I took two years ago, and leaarned alot, just never went to go take the actual certification test. That worked out real well because you could do the lessons whenever you feel like it, 3:00 am if you like. You just ahve to get them all done before the end of the session to take the final. The only thing I find now wiht RA is sometimes putting those tiny little screws in requires some patience. Joonie, we are here to support you in whatever goals you set out to do. You have it inside of you to do whatever you put your mind to. You have overcome so much in your life, I have no doubt that you can put the "can't" behind you. Keep setting goals for yourself......you truly CAN do anything you put your mind to. Don't let anyone create obstacles for you my dear. I have so much to write, but my brain is not connecting well today, LOL. Love and gentle hugs, Juliah Hmmmm, reminds me of some lines of a poem by Yeats. "I have spread my dreams under your feet, Tread softly because you tread on my dreams". Theres nothing worse than having someone walk all over an idea that you think might work. Whatever you want to do, be it work in computers from home or run for Mayor, go for it. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE? Live your life to the fullest you can, It is your life after all. HI GUYS! Thanks for your kind and up-lifting words!! Yes, I have a low self-esteem, have since I was little. I think my esteem is a result of RA. It all goes back to grade school. As for hubby he is just a stupid monkey. I know he loves me, but he just does not get that communication is important in a relationship. I do not really think he is "squashing" my ideas on purpous. He just knows I have to depend on him to do simple easy everyday tasks. And probably wonders how I would do these things on my own. Even I have the faintiest Idea on that one...lol. Every once in awhile he will bring up the going to do computer repair classes up to me, but then I say nevermind. As for the Mayor thing. I am eligable. See, our town just got reconized as a town like 2 years ago, and the now mayor sucks...lol. I wanted to run back when it was said they were going to elect a mayor, but someone said you had to own property, which I do not. She has yet to do anything. But I want to become Mayor to do something for the community. But like Lovie said it is a lot of work. And I have thought of that already, and was kinda not wanting to do it. Besides you don't get paid.
Yeah, i sure do hope that the time flies by fast to get to the end of July, so I can get back to actualy taking real meds, instead of just pred, it helps but not that much, since I am only taking 5mg.
As for what my kids might say about me. My daughter just went to the in-laws yesterday and told her nanny that I did not feed her. Well, she did not ask for anything to eat, she was too busy playing video games. And Andrew would say I wish my mommy would not leave me in my crib all day. Yeah, there were a few days this week where I had to leave him in his crib because I did not want to pick him up and end up dropping him, he wiggles too much. As for hubby he is just childish. He might be very smart, but he is also a stupid monkey. I believe he does not want me to do anything like I have been talking about is because I will moving forward and he would not be. What I mean is he will feel like he has done nothing with his life. When he knows he has much more potential then being just a labor worker. If he was not so lazy he could do alot of things. He is one of those people who are really smart, but just likes to brag about it, but does not put his smartness into use. If I was as smart as him, I would not be a labor worker I would have them working for me!! Yes, I know I am smart, but he is smarter...lol. He retains things better then me. Thanks for your replies. I have just recently told all this to hubby the other day and he is acting better towards me now. I guess now he knows why I get moody. P.S. I do not think hubby would care one way or the other if I depended on him for anything. I think he would rather me not depend on him. He just does things for me to keep the "peace" or from having to hear me cry... He thinks people should not cry for any reason.
I am doing so much better now. I know you will get there.
I have been a sahm for almost 11 years. I love being there for my kids.
I just started working part-time and love it. I too love computers.
Have you thought about a mom's group and teaching other women how to
use computers? I know so many have no idea on how to anything
other than email. Maybe suggest to to other mom's at church,or
playgroup even your daughters school.
I am sorry that your husband is putting down your ideas and dreams.
Maybe it is because he is worried about you and how much you can
handle. I know when I was first diagnosed my husband tried to do
everything for me and would run across the house to keep me from doing
simple things. I finally told him and let him know that I appreciate
his help and looking out for me but when I need help I willl ask for
it. I mostly just wanted understanding and support. I hated being
treated like a china doll.
I say keep talking about your dreams and never give them up. You might
just be the best thing that town of yours needs - a fighter!
gentle hugs,
Kristin
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