Hi All,
As most of you know I am participating in the University of Alabama T.E.A.R.S. study. Here I am faithfully giving myself injections and popping crap loads of pills down my throat (including MTX which happens to make me ache all over and just flat out sick for 2 days afterward). I wake up yesterday and I'm in excruciating pain. My left shoulder is killing me and tears run down my face everytime I try to move or one of the dogs bumps me. I call my study nurse to ask if there is anything I can do or something my Rheumy can write a script for because the pain is unbearable. She says "Are you sure you didn't do something to injure yourself?" OMG!! So I tell her no, I didn't injure myself. It's the same pain I had in my other shoulder a month ago. She tells me to try moist heat...OMG yeah that's the cure all, and then tells me that on the 23rd of June they are going to increase the MTX and SSZ. I wanted to crawl off and die. I'm only taking 10 mg of MTX a week now and it makes me SICK, what am I going to feel like when they increase it?? Then, I get up this morning...shoulder still hurting. I call my job and tell them I'm going to be late because I'm having a hard time but I'll be there. I really wanted to stay home with my friend, Mr. Heating Pad but I had to go to work. I've missed so much already because of this darn RA. Anyway, I go to work and I have a hot pad on my shoulder (not that it's doing wonders but it was helping enough to get through) and one of the women I work with comes up behind me and slaps her hand down on THE SHOULDER...OMG. Tears just ran down my face. Then, I get past that and a while later I'm walking down the hall and one of the Doctors I'm chatting with pats me on the back of THE SHOULDER. That one wasn't as bad as the first but ohhhhh boy it still hurt. After that, one of the ladies I work with asked me if my arm was hurting or if it was my shoulder because I was holding it up and tucked like I was wearing a sling. I told her it was my shoulder and she went on to say how I shouldn't favor it like that and I should move it around because I was putting more stress on my muscles favoring it and it wasn't going to help, it would only make it feel worse. I gently smiled and told her it felt much better to keep it like it was. While inside I'm screaming "Would you shut up already!! Like I freaking care if I'm stressing my muscles when it feels like someone is digging a daggar into my shoulder." Now this one is the icing on the cake...This 27 year old insecure hateful little being that I work with says "Does your arm hurt because of your arthritis?" I could hear the antagonistic tone in her hateful little voice. She reminds me of the little bully in school. How she even knows I have RA is beyond me. Guess my employer didn't respect my private life enough to keep that secret. Anyway, I looked at her, grinded my teeth, smiled the best I could and said "I'm fine, thank you". And guess what the little snot nose said?! She said "I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I don't have any pain or take any medicine". People let me tell ya, I wanted to rip her face off. I had quite enough already and she was about to push me right over the edge. An angel must have come down at the speed of light and landed on my shoulder because the things I wanted to say to that little girl were NOT nice. The mean ugliness was boiling inside me ready to fire out and I guess my little angel slapped my lips shut with her wings and a good thing she did. The two women that slapped me on the shoulder didn't mean any harm but this snot nose little brat was itching to say something hurtful and just be flat out mean. As I always say...I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy but I swear, sometimes I wish people like that could feel what we feel just for ONE day...just one!! Talk about a BAD day at work! I'm so glad it's over and there is a 3 day weekend ahead because if I had to go back tomorrow I might just turn into a homicidal manic with "my arthritis"
Peace & Love...Neasy Wish I could send someone to beat the snot nose brat up for ya. Hey didn't you say something about Alabama?? Do you live in Alabama?? I am in Alabama. Maybe we can conspire against her??!! But really I am sorry you are having so much pain and no one seemed to know how to keep their hands to themselves today. I sure do hope you get to find something to relieve your pain.
Juliah, thank goodness that angel had sense enough to land on my right shoulder (lol). Can't wait to stir up some cherries and gin. Goodness, did they go to a witch doctor? Roxie, I laughed so hard at the "rheumatoid f*cking disease" that I almost fell of my chair but oh how right you are. Have you looked into getting some help from the drug companies for your medicines? If you need help getting the info let me know. Jooniper, thank you sweetie. I'm actually in Florida. The study I'm participating is out of the University of Alabama. The thought of clocking that snot nose in the eye with my good arm did cross my mind (lol). Thanks again all...I needed the laugh
Peace & Love...Neasy You are a much better person than I . I would have had to have said something to such a little twit. I took methotrexate and it made me feel worst and made my bones ache worst than ever. So hearing that you are going to take an even higher dose scares me. I am have become really bad about my meds. If they make me sick for so long I stop taking them. If I feel so horrible anyway and then add these horrible chemicals to feel any worst, than to me it is a no brainer. I will probably suffer more than ever, but I need some quality of life also. Which sometimes seems like I have none. I dont work anymore because I was missing so much from this wonderful disease and am trying to get ss. Tell me where you live and I will come set that little twit straight. You know people like that will be hit very hard and then she will know exactly what you were feeling. What comes around goes around. I believe that whole heartedly. So hang in there, I dont know about your study it sounds kind of scary. But I guess everything with this disease is scary huh? My thoughts are with you always.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time Sweetie. That shoulder pain can be horriable!! It makes every task difficult. Drying your hair....even brushing your hair; OUCH!!! I know that pain all too well. I'm also sorry to hear your not reacting good to the MTX; so many here can't tolerate it; and then there are other's such as myself that consider it a wonder drug. Are you locked into the study? This was one of my main concerns from the start; and one of the reasons I recommended against it in the beginning. I'm under the impression that you are some sort of gueni pig (Again...spelling is not my strongest talent). Do they make you continue on the same dose so they can document your progress; good or bad? Will they change your dose as needed to see that you progress with success or does your pain and confort level even matter? I'm afraid these studies are not always in the best interest of the individula person. They are out to document their findings. I could...and probable am wrong; but I'm more concerned about you than I am about their findings in their study. Hope your feeling better soon. Stay in touch with us!! Lovie Hey there Lovie!! Thanks for the post. No, I'm not locked into the study and can opt out at anytime. I don't think I would have gotten involved otherwise. I spent a great bit of time debating before I did join in and in all honesty the monetary issue was the deciding factor. I felt a little backed into a corner shall we say. On June 23rd which will be 6 weeks after starting the study drugs, I go in for lab work to see if everything checks out. At that time they will increase the MTX
Peace & Love...Neasy Neasy; We all do what we have to do and I agree this study is make medications available to you that you would not have access to other wise. I just worry that they won't be adjusting them to YOUR needs and be far too concerns about the findings of the study. I don't see anyway around that right now though. Just hang in there...I think it's going to take a little time before you start feeling the relief you need from these medications. I know it took months for me on just about everything I've ever been on. Hang in there...We're with ya. Lovie (((((((((((((((((((((((Neasy)))))))))))))))))))))) Here is a big gentle hug for you!!!! I am sorry you are having troubles with the study, but I would take the little twit and throw her down an elevator shaft. Hang in there we are cheering for you!!! xoxoxoxo meme Remind me to never get on Meme's bad side.
Neasy, ask her what Rheumatologist she goes to see. If the answer is none, then tell her, her arthritis must be nothing. Barb
neasy
Pam Neasy , simply treat this young girl with utmost kindness as she surely does'nt have a clue what RA is all about ! Perhaps you could take the poor girl to lunch to try to explain to her how much the RA hurts you and that her attitude hurts you as much . A little kindness and compassion goes a long way ! Oh , and don't forget to top off that lovely lunch with some nice homemade brownies ! You know the ones with the X-LAX icing !!!!!!!! This way she will know you really give a SHI* about her !!! Sorry bout all the bad times lately , hope you got a chuckle ! Wish Santa could send some christmas magic your way to help !
I'm so glad you're back....We missed you!!!! Peace & Love...Neasy
Hey Neasy Im only 28 so I hope u dont think that all of us are snot nosed brats like her.
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