It's midnight and I can't sleep. My 7-year-old son and I had a talk before bed tonight. My heart is broken for him and I don't know how to fix things. Here's what happened:
When my son was born I developed a rare heart condition called post-partum cardiomyopathy (a type of congestive heart failure). I've had my ups and downs with health. About 2 years ago, my son was in pre-k (age 4). I collapsed at his school in front of him and several other kids. His best buddy told him I was dead. Paramedics came, I was hospitalized, he found out I was not dead, etc. Anyhow, I had no idea how seriously this impacted him until tonight.
My son wants to be with me most all of the time. We have a lot of kids come to our house to play, but he doesn't ever want to go play at THEIR homes. Tonight he told me why. He is concerned that I will pass out while I'm alone and he won't be there to help me. How sad is THAT? I assured him that my medications are working very effectively and there is no reason to believe that will happen again, etc. I know he still has fears. He has asked several times if I'm going to die. I am so sad that his heart is so heavy. I don't know how to help him :(
love and heart-heavy hugs, juliah
Oh Juliahh,
I read that and could feel the pain. Beautiful, sweet little guy with such great big worries. I know from reading your posts what a gentle, kind,warm and loving person you are and it only stands to reason that your little one is a very sensitive. I'm no expert, but I too am of the same nature and have a very sensitive child. You know your child better than anyone and I'm sure are so in tune with his needs. Your love and reassurance will bring back his security slow but sure. I try to place myself in this situation (I'm in tears for you). I would probably just take it slow and let things go whatever way let's him feel less anxiety. You will be probably be able to sense when he is seeming a little more receptive to having a "playday" at someone elses house. Maybe you could set up to have a visitor that day and let him know "hey today would be a great day to have a playday with ------ cause mom's going to have someone here to keep her company" I don't know just a thought. But, I would definately watch him close and do whatever it takes to keep him feeling less stress. Because of his worries things that may not seem a big deal could really be a big deal to him,so I would just try to keep things low key and easy for him. Probably be a good idea for you to talk to an expert on how to handle this one too.
This would be a very traumatic thing for a child of any age but I think at the age of 4 it is extremely so. I will have you in my prayers and I know your love will get him through this.
Wish I could be of more help just a mom to a mom sending you lots of love and strength.
Love,
Pam
Good Morning Juliahh,
I hope you got some rest last night. My day is just beginning, you are 3 hrs ahead of me. I just wanted to wish you and your family a wonderful day together. Sometimes a new day can make a big difference.
I'll be thinking of you!!
Lots of love and really big, but very gentle hugs,
Pam
I read your post and my heart aches for you. What a difficult thing for your little guy to have to face; and what a very hard issue for you as mother.
I don't have any personal experience to contribute here...but I wanted you to know that you'll be in my thoughts today. We're here for you...if for no other reason than to listen; and encourage you.
Much Love;
Lovie
(Pam you always give the most uplifting words of encouragement...we're so lucky to have your sweet, sweet heart here)
Hi Lovie,
Thanks so much!! I feel the same about you. Everyone here brings something special and unique, making this just an incredible group.
I'm glad the party was a success. you must be wiped out!
We are having a good day here too. Oscar is so excited he's going to get some new "sneakers" probably geeky to call them "sneakers" but I guess it's by job to be the "geek" around here
I'm doing my best to ignore the knees and ankles and just make the day really great for my family.
Thanks again,
I was moved by your post about your son. I was dx with ra almost 6 years ago. My son was 5 and daughter was 3. It has been hard on them and my son went through a time much like your sons. It will get better, for now patience is the best medicine. I do not know if you practice a religion, we are Catholic and it helped my son to pray for me and himself and to learn to trust God to keep us all safe. I was not able to do this, however maybe you could get him a cell phone to keep with him so if you do leave him at a friends he can reach you directly to reassure himself that all is well.
Just an idea. I will be praying for you both.
Robin
Thats a terrific burden for both of you. If something would happen to you, what would happen to him? That has to be very scary for him. Pam's idea of scheduling a visitor for you and a playday for him to coinside is very good. It may take some coaxing on your part at first. My daughter was 7 when her father walked out and didn't look back. Her response to the situation was to attach herself to me, she always had to know exactly where I was. She was afraid that I would do what he had done and she would be alone. She didn't count that she had a brother 2yrs older. Gradually over time things got better. Most schools have counselors to help with childrens issues. You might want to check with your sons school and see if you could talk to them and possibly get some help. I used the school counselors when my children were trying to adjust to a new home situation, i.e.divorce. I wish for you and your son nothing but happier times ahead. You've already had your share of pain. BarbBarb's suggestion of school counselors is a very good one.
Another thing I've done (yes with a 3 year old) is explain what is
wrong with me. And how it is treated and what it does. It
is a bit harder in your case with CHF. But, it did answer some
questions and it helped Bastian understand why sometimes Mommy can't
play certain things or even why I'm grumpy at times.
hugs, wayney
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