My hubby and I talked at length this weekend about my health, treatments options and our future. As many of you already know, I have had 5 miscarriages, no living children and very badly want a family. However, after years of infertility, hormone treatments and heartbreaks and now RA, it doesn't look like that will happen for us.
We both agreed that I am no where near healthy enough to take care of a baby, even if I somehow managed to get pregnant and actually carry to term. My ra is progressing quickly and I've tried everything except mtx, because of the category X pregnancy rating on it.
Despite being on humira weekly, placquenil and steroids, the swelling and bone loss continue. The pain and fatigue are almost unbearable. We decided that when I see the rheumy tomorrow, if she again suggests the mtx, I will do it. I will ask to go right to the injections though as I already have lots of gi upset and diarrhea.
This has been an awfully tough decision for me to make. Since I am 36, it pretty much means we won't even be able to try again to have a baby. We are not financially well off and can not afford the ,000 for a private adoption. However, if I ever get well enough, we will look into adoption through social services. Not much chance there of getting a healthy infant, it would more likely be an older child but I have a lot of love to give and there are many older children who needs good homes.
I can't really say I'm excited about starting the mtx but I also know I can not continue in so much pain. Since I have to work m-f, I guess I'll wait until Saturday to start it even though I see the rheumy tomorrow. That way, if it effects me badly, I'll at least have to weekend to stay in bed!
Michele,
I'm glad you've come to a decision together. That is a strong statement. Waiting until Saturday is a good choice. That's always when I take mine. And, don't make plans for the day after. I really hope you are feeling better soon. I too will be praying for you Michele. didn't have any bad side effects from the MTX. A couple of times I had some light nausea but that was about it so far. Hang in there and Keep on Keeping On. Michele - I am 39 and am unable to have children also. The RA didn't take it away, something else did.....But the uncontrolled RA has destroyed our adoption hopes. Like you, my husband and I discussed it and I am too unwell to take care of a child. I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. Through time, Michele, the sadness gets better. Take care of yourself - I hope for the best with the MTX added to the cocktail! Trixie It's really hard to put a dream away. I am really sorry. There is a lot of truth in the saying 'When one door closes, another opens. Keep an eye open for new beginnings. Hugs to you and courage, faith and peace. Wow, my heart goes out to you, Michele. Anyone who is willing to put their own comfort on the back burner for the chance of bearing a healthy child deserves to be a mom, in my book. Perhaps God has bigger plans for you... Good luck with the mtx, and give that wonderful hubby of yours a pat on the back from me! Many blessings, Claire Life is just not fair. My heart is breaking for you. Hard decisions..so glad you have a strong, supportive relationship with your husband. Best of luck with the MTX
I hope you have a lot more luck with the mtx. It sounds like
you have a very supportive husband who cares about you a
great deal. Hopefully you will start feeling better soon!
My heart goes out to you. That's a huge decision to make, but as
everyone else stated, 'when one door closes, another opens". Keep
the good thoughts. Your progression of this disease is
frightening. I know that Enbrel didn't help, but being on the MTX
and remicade, that has helped me. Have you tried
remicade? The MTX doesn't make me sick, only very tired.
You may want to take it on Friday night, so you will have 2 full days
to recoup. Best of luck to you.
Michele, hugs to you. You and your husband have made a hard decision. I am glad you have the support from him. I am 34 and won't have children not due to the RA but something else. I know how it feels. Even though I am a pretty well adjusted gal to this RA monster and have a wonderful husband somedays I come and cry after seeing my friends and their new babies. I know in my heart I couldn't take care of a new baby and accept this but It isn't easy however I deal with it and move on. Maybe the door you are meant to open is waiting. Keep up the faith and take care of yourself so you are ready when the door presents itself.
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